Paranormal Irony: Investigation Edition

Around a month ago I took a short weekend vacation to Estes Park, Colorado and stayed in the historic Stanley Hotel. For those unfamiliar, the Stanley Hotel is the inspiration for the Overlook in Stephen King's classis horror novel, The Shining. It is also home to hundreds of tales of hauntings and attracted the esteemed scientific powerhouse, The Ghosthunters show on FX, who declared the Stanley to be the most haunted location in America. I ponied up extra cash to stay in a "guaranteed haunted room", and was assigned room 418. No joke. Here are some photos of my midnight whiskey-fueled ghost hunt. Spoiler alert: no ghosts.

This is a shot of the hallway outside of my room. The fourth floor is the "haunted" floor, with the exception of room 217. The first night I didn't sleep a wink, and only heard the occasional emo teenage girls doing makeshift seances in the hallway. I shit you not. It's not surprising that I didn't sleep well, since I NEVER do, and since the hotel has no air conditioning to preserve the "historical" and conveniently cheap nature of the property. This night I noticed something on the floor, which you can see at the bottom right...

HOLY SHIT! Wait.. Sorry folks. False alarm. Just some emo art depicting bloody mary. Close one, though. Let's continue the tour.

This is the door to "haunted" room number 428. The floor was creaking so badly that I am pretty sure we scared the ghosts away, so nothing happened. Moving on...

This is the door for room 401, where staff will tell you they don't even rent the room anymore, and the maid service refuses to enter. This is the room where one of the Ghosthunters castmembers reported a glass being broken in the night, and the closet door was caught on camera opening and closing multiple times. Sounds like non-bullshit to me.

Heading to room 217, the most famous haunted room from The Shining. Seems convenient that the most haunted room also just happens to be the room from the book where Danny gets molested by the decaying, nude old woman.

On the way to 217 you pass the grand staircase. It is gorgeous and in the day gives you a wonderful view of the mountainside. At night it is just kind of creepy with mildly disturbing portraiture.

An example of the totally not-creepy portraits in the grand staircase.

When I finally made it to the famed room 217- past midnight, mind you, I was delighted to see that the people that rented the room decided to watch tv with the lights off and the door open! They probably got sick of assholes like me creeping up to the door and trying to peer through the peep hole. So I snapped a flash photo that surely lit up their room and disturbed their peaceful night and, I won't lie here, ran away like a teenage shoplifter.

So there you have it. A pretty thorough paranormal investigation that was just like the rest of them, completely fruitless. I plan on staying at the Stanley again soon, just because I feel like maybe I missed something. Like a good night's sleep.

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Sexxit - Episode 4

The Dread Pirate Hamtackle and his unwilling Manservant Terlet are back to raiding their first castle.  Tearin' Sh*t up!  Welcome to Sexxit, Hexxit by idiots.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Master Bastard #9 - Sir Chapsworth Eats Dog Poop

Let Sir Chapsworth, Ramtang, Hamtackle and Terlet regale you with tales of wonder and suspense.  They discuss poop, dog farts, shingles, pro wrestling and Sir Chapsworth shares a treasured childhood secret.  Continued classiness....

Check out this episode!

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A One Legged Vagrants Guide to the Movies

Hi again there, internet people!  Frisky Pete here with all new reviews for the newest big movies at the theaters!  It has been a long time sence I have been able to write things about the movies, and that is because I have been in rehab for snorting the powder that builds up on car batteries.  But I am really better now, and I am back on the booze insted.

The transformers and godzilla one

I saw three movies this month, and I want to tell you about the one that I thought was real, real good.  There was a very loud movie that was called Specific Rim, and it was about the time in the early ‘60s when godzillas got into fights with transformers.  Most was dark an there were babies that were crying because of the loudness.  I liked the theater though, I think they play pornos here because it always smells like public toilets.  I had a relapse that day and had to lay down in the aisle from the battery powder, so I missed the ending, but I thought it was a good movie to see.  The overlying commentary of human perseverance seemed forced throughout, and a thin reasoning for overblown cinematic action that leaves most moviegoers dizzied, save the desensitized adolescent mind.

Two guns movie (left one is fake I think)

After that one I slept next to a mailbox, then went on the mexican bus (the dangerous one) and went to the moviehouse that they built to replace the hotel that burned down.  I decided to see the movie called 2 Guns.  It was a remake of the lethal weapon movies without Danny Glover and Braveheart in it because they got too old.  I missed the first ten minutes because the people in line were too cheap to buy my pencils, so I had to steal a ticket from a guy in a wheelchair.  I didn’t feel bad because he had both of his legs, even though they didn’t work.  I thought the movie was a big lie.  There were WAY more than 2 guns in it, I would say like at least a hundred.  2 Guns is a shining example of how casting can make or break a film, where the winding plotline and exaggerated shootouts would blend in to a cinematic landscape rife with likeminded titles.  But the charisma of two of actings finest specimens makes the routine quite special, and takes no small benefit from actors that are equally at home in drama as they are in action.

This thing with knives and ninjas

And then last friday I fell down and landed on a fork in an alley, so I had to go to the free clinic.  They gave me a pretty good pain killer for the stitches, so I decided not to waste it and go to see another movie.  The place next to billboard that has a picture of a fat guy holding donuts on it was showing The Wolverine, and I knew it would be about a guy with claws cutting up people.  I even got in free because I was showing everybody my stitches and they didn’t like me scaring them away.  And can you imagine something better than a guy with knife hands murdering superheroes?  How about a guy with knife hands killing ninjas!  The only thing I would say was bad was that for as many knives as this movie has there is very little disemboweling and choking on blood and vomit.  I saw Gutter Greg get stabbed about a month ago and he couldn’t stop throwing up blood until he died.  It is refreshing to see a film recognize it’s niche and stick to it, and also see it helmed by an actor that is now comfortable in this well-worn skin.  Jackman satisfies in this solo outing that shows Worlverine is not just a member of the X-Men franchise, he is the main show.

Well, that is pretty much all I can write about movies right now, since the library is going to close soon and I still need to take a shower in the sink.  I have to hop up like seven stairs to get to the nice bathroom, too, since I don’t feel like bathing in the bathroom with the glory hole in stall number three.  And if you know the library I am talking about, don’t go to the glory hole on tuesdays.  I have seen the tuesday guy bite them sometimes.  Weirdo.

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Sexxit - Episode 3

The Dread Pirate Hamtackle and his loyal Manservant Terlet are back and are kicking up the role play, much to the chagrin of Terlet.  They mount up and attack their first castle!   Welcome to Sexxit, Hexxit by idiots.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Sexxit - Episode 2

Hamtackle and Terlet survived their 1st night in Hexxit and now it's resource time!  Armor is required to siege the castle and all these exposed surface diamonds should do the trick!  Welcome to Sexxit, Hexxit by idiots.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Not A Wig

 

What are you looking at? It's my hair isn't it.

 

 

I have very healthy hair. Definitely not a wig.

 

 

What, are you crazy? It's all real up there, baby!

 

 

Come on, man! I would never wear a piece! What kind of guy do you take me for?

 

 

 

 

There you have it, folks. Not a wig.

 

Sexxit - Episode 1

Hamtackle and Terlet are back with a brand new show!  This time they are taking a surly stab at the Minecraft mod pack, Hexxit.  They decided to name it Sexxit because they are sad, disgusting men.

Terlet is getting over a case of the shingles and is hopped up on painkillers for the migraines..... Needless to say, he wastes a lot of time and makes very stupid mistakes.  Hamtackle does everything and lets Terlet know.  Welcome to Sexxit, Hexxit by idiots.

 Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/


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Master Bastard #8 - Ghost Peppers, Bad Theatre, Roots and Reading Rainbow

Cheese Nips is back and she brought us a treasure.  A terrible, homemade, one woman community theatre play on DVD.  We taste Ghost Peppers and get unintentionally racist.  Continued classiness....

Check out this episode!

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