WE'VE MOVED TO MASTERBASTARD.COM!!! Shit! Hurry up and get there!
I am a Broncos fan. Since I was born. It has not always been easy, we have had some terrible seasons over the years. But I always cheered for them, whether we win or lose. Sometimes I think I care too much about the games, and when they lose it fucking ruins my day. And there are Raiders fans that live in this orange and blue state (for the life of me I couldn't tell you why), and they always get to talk shit when we fail, usually without any repurcussions since their team always sucks ass.
But tomorrow I feast on the tears of the Bronco hating bastards at work. Sure it was the first game of the season. Sure there is a long way to go. But these assholes delighted in their celebration when the Baltimore Ravens stole the superbowl that was rightfully ours last season, and they will hear from me tomorrow. "And by the way," I will tell them, "we play the Raiders in our next home game. Care to make a gentleman's bet?" And they will sheepishly laugh and decline.
In case you don't follow the NFL, tonight the Denver Broncos stomped the superbowl champion Baltimore Ravens 49 - 27, and gave away 7 points on a fumbled punt inside the five, and gave back 7 points on a dropped ball after an interception. Peyton Manning tied an NFL record with 7 touchdowns, a feat that hasn't been done since 1969. And all this without our two best defensive players, Champ Bailey and Von Miller. Joe Flacco earned his 120 million dollar contract the hard way tonight, as he was held down and forced to toss Manning's sweaty salad at altitude, and I loved every minute of it.
I will be honest, though. This post was either going to be an angry rant about the mistakes we made, the bad calls by the refs, and petty name calling directed at Flacco, or it would be this. Now I pursue sleep, dear audience, sleep that will be punctuated by dreams of a Broncos superbowl.
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| You must be at least this tall to blow me. |
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Irony is one of those concepts that is difficult to define. In fact, it is one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts in the english language. Take the title of this blog, for instance. Very little posted here has anything to do with irony, and it certainly isn't popular. Isn't THAT ironic, though?.... Yes. Well, maybe. Ok, probably not. But I digress.
The truth is that this blog is in desperate need of an injection of irony to keep it's name honest and demonstrate that Terlet and I are not complete idiots who can't properly use the word irony. So I bring you a case study in irony tonight, in the form of a news story that captured my heart and demonstrates the concept perfectly.
The title is "Creationist Museum Employee Struck By Lightning".
For those of you unfamiliar with the creationist museum, it is run by a man named Ken Ham (not joking) and is located in the progressive mecca of Kentucky, USA. Their goal is to present a history of earth from a biblically-friendly perspective, complete with a recreation of a young earth style utopia. This means people riding dinosaurs. Seriously. I am not going to get into the simple irony of a "museum", which is a place that promotes art and science, being bastardized to promote the exact opposite. That is an example for another day. This Ham guy was featured in Bill Maher's documentary "Religulous" in which he scolds Bill for mocking the scientific inaccuracies in their exhibits by invoking celestial infallibility. And check him out. He looks like a bowl of laughs.
Well, last week one of his employees was kinda, but not exactly struck by lightning. He was valiantly trying to get museum visitors off of a zip-line ride attraction during a thunderstorm, and was blasted by an electrical charge from a lightning bolt, suffering only minor injuries.
Now, this sort of thing happens from time to time, and while rare, is not unheard of. Especially for those working outdoors on large metallic structures during lightning storms. But being struck by lightning is symbolic of a mortal who is out of favor from a deity, not just in christianity, but all the way back to zeus who wielded bolts of lightning like Phil Specter in a brothel with a revolver. So isn't this evidence of god's disdain for the rejection of reason and science? Isn't he lashing out at these peddlers of pseudo-science who knowingly reject the accumulated knowledge that mankind has painstakingly patched together since the stone age? Not according to Ken Ham.
“Well first of all, we certainly do say that ‘disasters’ and ‘personal tragedies’ are the result of God’s judgment–God’s judgement BECAUSE of our sin in Adam! Romans 8.22 makes it clear the whole world groans because of our sin,” He replied on Monday. “The fact we get sick and die is because of God’s judgment on sin! But praise the Lord, God had a plan from eternity to save us from the consequence of our sin–He paid the penalty for our sin and offers us a free gift of salvation (Romans 10:9).”
So I guess the fact that this accident occurred on their property WAS because they were being punished by god, but not for their half-assed attempt a weaving together science and creationism, but because Adam ate that fucking apple in the beginning of time! Holy fuck. That christian god sure can hold a grudge.
So the next time you are put on the spot to give an example of irony, just remember the story of the false prophet being struck by lightning. And by the way... Were you left wondering why the fuck a creation museum would have a zip-line ride on the premises? Because NO ONE wants to go there.
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| Indoctrinate them while they're young! |