Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Master Bastard #24 - Salted and Cured Meats


In another eagerly-anticipated episode, a particularly pickled Terlet opens up about his feelings on reggae and being on the receiving end of spousal abuse, and defends against dissent on the continuing involuntary book club.  The Bastards also warn of the dangers of supermodels learning to read and write, and some fresh limericks and tweets are shared for your listening pleasure.

 

MasterBastard.com

@MasterBastards

Facebook.com/MasterBastardPodcast

TheBastards@MasterBastard.com

ITUNES

 

 

Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!


Check out this episode!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Master Bastard #23 - Good Gravy!


Join in the celebration as Ramtang wins wars on three fronts: one at his employer's HR, one on a lonely stretch of road, and a personal victory in the home!  Hamtackle and Terlet settle an argument that wages after the podcast, and the boys explore how dark is the "coldness in my heart".  Oh yes, and bestiality poetry.

 

MasterBastard.com

@MasterBastards

Facebook.com/MasterBastardPodcast

TheBastards@MasterBastard.com

ITUNES

 

 

Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!


Check out this episode!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Master Bastard #22 - Now 69% More Offensive!


Join the Bastards as they enter a new lighthearted era of podcasting positivity!  Hamtackle stands up for a publicly persecuted elderly man, Ramtang expresses his disgust for on online bullying phenomenon, and Sir Chapsworth is immortalized in poetry form.  Even the involuntary book club has an upbeat note when the rat's carcass of a novel yields its meat as a murder finally takes place!

 

MasterBastard.com

@MasterBastards

Facebook.com/MasterBastardPodcast

TheBastards@MasterBastard.com

ITUNES

 

Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!


Check out this episode!

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Master Bastard #21 - Cavalcade of Men


Tonight Ramtang answers the question everyone has been asking: "What is the medical condition of his sperm?" We find out what Sir Chapsworth's dog and horny sea otters have in common, disturbing news stories remind us of Colorado's colorful criminal character, and the boys orally partake in a bit of prison culture. All this entertainment is rounded off with some literary critique and the Master Bastard exclusive exposé on the original meaning of a musical classic.

 

MasterBastard.com

@MasterBastards

Facebook.com/MasterBastardPodcast

TheBastards@MasterBastard.com

ITUNES

Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!


Check out this episode!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Master Bastard #20 - Felony Fights, Limericks, RG3 and Rampant Feminism


The Bastards stuff it in softly with another delightful Master Bastard!  We got Felony Fights!  We got Book Clubs!  We got Dream Journals!  We got Shit Stories!  We got Ssssssportsss!  All this and Limericks on this edition of Master Bastard! Exclamation Point!

 

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Twitch - DasTerlet

ITUNES

Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!


Check out this episode!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Master Bastard #19 - Dream Shart



The Bastards get extra classy with extensive Shit Stories, Mariachi Bat Beatings, Involuntary Book Clubs, Christian Shit Trees, Canned Meat Imports, Sports Talk, we cover ground Tosh.0 has already covered and a gift you with a song that summons evil spirits into your house.  All this and more on another deliciously disgusting Master Bastard!




PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Twitch - DasTerlet
ITUNES
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!




-


Monday, March 17, 2014

Master Bastard #18 - St. Patrick's Day Podcast Spectacular!




The Bastards get extra drunk for a Saint Patrick's Day Podcast Spectacular!  Drinking, swearing, shouting, singing, eating and bolstering stereotypes.  There's terrible accents, insensitive humor and filthy limericks!  Go throw on some green and get your booze, you'll need to be drunk to listen to this "spectacular" episode of Master Bastard!










PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Twitch - DasTerlet
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, rate and comment!




-

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Master Bastard #17 - Deadly Drugs, Dried Beef and Book Clubs


The Bastards discuss stolen penises and make Ramtang uncomfortable with talk of making love to each other.  Dried Beef is consumed and enjoyed.  All this and more on this episode of Master Bastard!






PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Twitch - DasTerlet
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, we'd be plum grateful.



-


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Master Bastard #16 - Rebirths, Spotted Dick and Horrible Things




Well Looky Here!!  Master Bastard is back with all new filth!  The show is reborn into pretty much the same thing.  Hamtackle has belated Christmas gifts, the Bastards snack on Spotted Dick, Shit stories, beheadings and more on this episode of Master Bastard!







PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, that would be just dandy.



-


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Free Mule



An aging farmer and his wife make their way through a crowd of people to get a fair view of the spectacle that is the livestock auction.  Compelled by the urging of his wife, the farmer seeks a mule to take some of the burden off of his daily life, to carry goods, drive his meager plow, and sow his seeds across his farm which seems ever larger by the passing day. 

At the center of the commotion lay several beasts, all equal in size and apparent health, each driving a massive wooden arm attached to a stone mill.  Dangling before them was a large and juicy carrot, cruelly tied to a string, a promise of the fruit of their labor that is deceptively offered by their master to entice them to his bidding.  Their sameness drew attention to the outsider among them.  One mule drives his mill without the carrot, with equal zeal and effort as those transfixed by the orange lie.  The farmer approached the auctioneer.

“Sir, I have questions for you about these beasts.  I have need of an animal to lift my burdens on my farm not far from here, but I have never purchased a mule before.  Which do you suggest?”

The auctioneer turned to the man, and smelling a sale made more lucrative by the farmer’s professed ignorance, lent him his full attention.  “Why sir, you have come to the right place!  You will find any one of these mules fit for the duties of a farm, as you can see.  They will all slave away tirelessly, and for the simple cost of seven gold pieces and a small supply of carrots, they could be easing your work by the end of the day!”

The deal seemed quite good, and for that price the farmer reckoned that he could make up for the cost in short time by the corresponding increase in productivity.  “But sir,” asked the farmer, “what of the mule at the end?  He drives his mill without a carrot.  How much for that beast?”

The auctioneer let out a loud laugh.  “Well if it’s that mule you have your eye on, I have good news for you!  If you’ll take that nag off my hands I’ll give it to you free of charge!”

The farmer staggered back a step.  “Free?  That mule looks every bit as healthy as the rest, and labors with equal effort.  And any man that had that mule in his barn could get the same work done without the added cost of carrots!  Please explain yourself, as I admit my ignorance might lead me to a foolhardy decision!”

Well,” said the auctioneer, “you said you needed a beast to do your bidding throughout your farm, to be the master of the animal and set him to the tasks that need doing, yes?”

“Yes, sir.”  The farmer replied.

“Well you had best look elsewhere, you foolish old man.  Any mule that hasn’t a taste for carrots can’t be made to do any work at all.  That mule has no master, and never will!”

The farmer betrayed his thoughts with a look of distrust.  “Then how sir, do you explain that the mule drags his mill arm just as do the rest of these animals?”

The auctioneer explained that the only thing that drove the mule to carry the mill arm was it’s own will, and that they had been trying to sell it at auction for the better part of a year now.  Sometimes choosing to allow the handlers to harness it, sometimes stubbornly refusing to comply with even the smallest urgings despite great efforts to entice it.  Convinced that the beast was worthless to man such as him, the farmer bought one of the other mules.  But as he led the newly purchased beast down the beaten road to his home, he couldn’t help but think of the carrot-less mule.  And admire it.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Support Your Local Businesses

Cyrus T. Gentle
Hey there Scrappy!  Yeah you, the shaggy one.  What's with them hairs there son?  What's the deal?  You tryin' to be a lady?  You got a giny tucked up under them dungarees?  You lookin' forward to the day you sprout them big beautiful breasts?  .... No?  A boy you say?  MHU HA HA HA!  You looks like a girly, son!  A fuckin' girly!

Why don't ya come inside and take a seat.  We'll fix yer gender right quick.  Come on now son... Come on inside, I ain'ta bitecha one bit.  You are makin' an embarassment of yourself son.  What you think people'r gonna say when they see's me, a respectable elder of this here fine town, chattin' it up with a lil' girly like some weirdo?  You gonna ruin my reputation son!  Now get in here and be barbered!

You don't want a haircut?  But it's all uh,... bushy.... you know... like a girly. ......  You don't want to cut it because it's yer look?  .... One Direction?  What's a One Direction? .... Harry Styles?  Son, whoever this Harry Styles is, she must be one hideous fuck.  Now let me slap yer scalp with a classic, a Bogart or a Cary Grant.. Something witha' discernible hairline.

Yer mom likes yer hair you say?  Well, I bet yer dad likes men.  You have intensely assholelish lookin' hair there son.  Now come inside before I start to lose my temper and I pound fifty shades of gay into yer puckered little giny! ....  What did you say ya lil' sumbitch!?  What!!?  I'ma' the one who's confused about my sexuality!?  ME!?  Come ere' ya lil' shit taster!  I'lla' crush ya'! Crush ya and kiss yer shameful face!!  You run like a girly!

Hey you Fatty!  Yeah you, the big fat fuck!  You wanna haircut!?



-

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Happy New Beard!

We at Popular Irony have been innundated by frantic messages and email wondering what the fuck happened to us, and why we have failed to deliver quality comedic content in the past several months.

There are several answers to these questions, and all of them are complicated.  Terlet opened his home to his friends following a disaster in our local area, and Hamtackle quit his job and grew a hobo beard.  Again.  Now a new year is upon us, and we have decided to each make post of our new year's resolutions.  I, Hamtackle, will start it off.

I have two simple resolutions, the first of which is to gain fifty pounds by the end of the year.  This is hard to do quickly, but I have my methods.  I will post a follow-up when I complete this goal.  The second is much simpler.  Eradicate the hobo beard.

I took to the shears and eliminated three months of growth in one fell swoop, nearly severing my jugular in the process.  I made it out ok, but the beard didn't.  Here it is in all its glory.





I figured this photo didn't do it justice, so here is the beard spread out to show its full girth.




I contacted the good people at Locks Of Love to see if they were interested in a donation.  They said beard hair is not suitable for wigs.  I figured they weren't well-known in the merkin industry, so I tried to change their minds by demonstrating how dashing a beard wig could be.




But they didn't return my email.  I can tell when I'm not wanted, so I had to find another way to dispose of this beard.  Usually your whiskers just wash down the drain when you shave regularly, but a beard this pervasive is a different thing altogether.  You can't just throw something this magnificent away, so I had to get creative.

And so it came to be, that my beard was given a proper viking burial.  A fitting end for a noble ball of human hair.  Be at peace, my friend.  Be at peace…




.