Thursday, May 31, 2012

Terlet's Top 10 - Podcasts

Greetings knowledge seekers!  It's me, your old pal Terlet.  Sometimes I tire of writing disturbing fiction, poorly worded diatribes or making shitty videos.  Sometimes I just want to share a bit of myself.  A bit of the real Terlet.  Not my flaccid member, no.  I'd like to share something that truly interests and entertains me.  Today the subject is Podcasts.

I am an avid podcast listener.  Not a day goes by that I don't listen to one.  My current feed contains 42 podcasts, though that number changes constantly.  Over the last seven years I have listened to hundreds of different podcasts.  Most I delete after only a few minutes of listening.  Some charm my pants off and become part of my podcast regimen.  Others grow obscenely stale and end up on the delete pile (Adam Carrola).  With that said, I present to you Terlet's Top 10 Podcasts!

10. Quiet! Panelologists At Work

The True Antidote to the Average Comic Book Podcast.  My first introduction to podcasts was through Comic Book Podcasts.  I was amazed when my friend Jay Sternitzky (creator of Short Stack: Tales of a Super-Human Plumber, check it out! ) informed me that there were audio programs dedicated exclusively to comic books and  pretty much any other subject.... FOR FREE!  I am comic nerd, so I gave them a shot.  One of the best of all time is Q!PAW.

Matt and Jon are two English gentlemen who put on an incredibly entertaining show.  While it is a comic book podcast, they never have a serious discussion and are constantly lampooning and mocking the comics they love so much.  There have been few episodes in the last couple of years.  The boys have had kids and big important jobs and rarely have the interest or energy to put on a show.

Even though episodes are now few and far between, this podcast made the list because the classic episodes were some of the best comedy podcasts I have ever listened to. (not just for comic book podcasts).

9.Hollywood Babble-On

Kevin smith, writer, director, stoner, has a literal podcast empire.  The man talks more than most teenage girls.  With his S.I.R. Network (SModcast Internet Radio)  he and his friends churn out daily podcasts.  While the many of them are funny, only two of his podcasts made the list.

HBO, as they call it, stars Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman (impressionist for the Kevin and Bean show on K-ROQ-FM, various film roles).  Every week they host a live podcast at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club in L.A..  This Hollywood and entertainment centered show has many reoccurring segments, lots of fan interaction and tons of Ralph Garman's impressions.  He does a pitch perfect Adam West that is simply divine.  Ralph is a good anchor for Smith.  Without a moderately dominant personality to steer him, Smith will immediately de-evolve into cock slurping sounds with every sentence centering around cum.

Kevin is funny but his fallback is cocksucking cum jokes.  He can be stretched pretty thing between his 300 podcasts.  With Ralph running the show the cock sucking sound effects are accompanied by the voices of of Bill Cosby, Ed Wynn, Al Pacino, Jerry Lewis and dozens of others.

During the first year, the show was in a constant state of evolution, it has unfortunately plateaued in recent months.  The crowd and emails requesting the same bit over and over.  Some weeks can be almost indistinguishable from others.  It is still funny and still worth listening to, but it almost did not make the list because of the recent lack of progress.

8.  The Dana Gould Hour

I was recently introduced to The Dana Gould Hour through Dana Gould's guest appearance on the Walking The Room podcast two months ago.  I'm glad I was, it is hilarious.  Dana and a rotating cast of friends, tell great stories, perform quality sketches and present a truly interesting show.  This review is not too long because this podcast is still new to me and it does not have too many episodes.  So far, I like what I hear.  That's about it.  Good shit!

7.  Smodcast

The Podcast that started it all (as far as S.I.R. is concerned).  Kevin Smith's original podcast with his friend, producer Scott Mosier.  Kevin and Scott have hilarious conversations usually centering around Nazis, sharks, movies and blowjobs.  Most of Kevin's funniest podcast moments occur on this show.  Scott brings out the best in Kevin while bringing his own calm, Canadian, comedy thunder.  Again, it's a lot of blowjob and cum eating jokes.  But very good ones.

6.  Mysterious Universe

This description is from the website (lazy I know.)  "Mysterious Universe covers the strange, extraordinary, weird, and wonderful and everything in between. On these pages you will find the latest news on topics as unorthodox as the UFO Phenomenon, Ghosts and Hauntings, and Cryptozoology, along with the latest in Science, Technology, and Astronomy."

It is a Paranormal podcast.  It is very well researched and produced.  It stars two Australian men.  Ben and Aaron have a great sense of humor and take every story with a grain of salt.  They believe in the paranormal but are not the "I don't know, therefore Aliens!" kind of believers.  They can be very skeptical and explore many different angles to a story.  There is also and extended edition of the weekly podcast that can be downloaded for a monthly fee.  While the regular episodes are free, the extended episodes are $9 a month.  I have never indulged, with so many good, free podcasts out there, I can't bring myself to pay for one.  Even one as high of quality as Mysterious Universe.

I am starting to run out of steam so this list is...TO BE CONTINUED..... very soon..


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Lukewarm Passion: Erotic Fiction Starring Mitt Romney

Mitt let the heavy oak door close behind him, exhausted after a long day of private jets, rehearsed speech, and routine dishonesty. He had been building a public persona for years now and was just a few short months from reaping the rewards of his effort, but found that he had increasing appreciation for the few days every month that he was able to get back home to one of his beloved estates. The house smelled of pristine pinewood and sterile leather, clear hallmarks of Consuela's labor. Mitt smiled naturally for the first time in months at the thought of his mexican housekeeper working frantically in anticipation of his judging inspection of the property.

 As he poured himself a stiff glass of milk to wind down after the long campaign trail week a buzzing alerted him to a notice on his blackberry. Drinking deeply as he read the calendar event his smile stretched across his face once again as he realized that tonight was the first of a pre-arranged six agreed upon romantic encounters with Ann that they mutually scheduled during a husband/wife mediation session just two months ago. It excited him to know that somewhere in the house Ann laid in wait, fully clothed and eager to put her womanly commitment behind her.

 Mitt took off two of his jackets and cast them to the floor, knowing full well that Consuela would have them cleaned and pressed within the hour, and draped his final jacket over his forearm as he marched down several hallways to the heart of the compound. As he opened the large double doors to the master suite he was greeted by the image of his post-menopausal conquest, sitting at the opposite edge of a double-king sized bed, staring longingly out a locked reinforced glass window. She looked like an angel clad only in her delicate full-body holy undergarments.

 "Let's get this over with" She said without turning to meet his gaze "we have a lot of praying to do after, and I'm exhausted." She always knew what to say to get him nearly erect.

 He made a show of disrobing for her, and knew she appreciated the effort despite her refusal to look at him. The ritual was a formality now that she was unable to bear children, and her unwillingness to give herself over for unproductive pleasure only made the act more hot for Mitt. Getting what he wanted from a reluctant party was how he made his living, and now it was how he made his loving, too. Now down to nothing but his cotton vestments and socks, he crawled over the vast real estate of the bed as Ann rolled onto her back with legs spread wide, pulling apart the flap of cotton at her groin and exposing the pale dryness beneath. Mitt took a moment to gaze at the rare glimpse of unshaven hair that formed a halo around his target like the medieval-era haircut of a friar, and met her eyes as he pulled a partially turgid member from inside his magical underpants.

 He took his place at her ankles, kneeling with four inches of hot flesh in his hands, and used his index finger as a splint to wedge his penis in her warmth. Her disinterested grunt rang notice of his success as he fell upon her, thrusting an arrhythmic dance atop her motionless body.

 He went on for literally minutes, unsuccessfully convincing her to shift her backside to the left until a bead of sweat formed at his brow. In a moment of sheer panic at the thought of ruining his finely-sculpted hair he uttered a few passionate but quiet howls, determined to convince her that he managed to copulate with her to fruitful conclusion for the first time in many years before slumping over her and kissing at her neck until she pulled back in disgust. His now limp penis has pressed against the cotton-covered surface of her thigh, having been unknowingly dislodged at some point during the act. Mitt silently folded it back into his underwear and proceeded to the vast marble sanctuary of the restroom to wash the shame from his loins, leaving Ann to commence her repentant prayer alone.

When he returned he nodded his approval at her cooperation in the act, then retired to his own room triumphantly, encouraged by the thought of his next opportunity to attempt the act next month. One day, when he was president, she would relent and allow him to try it the forbidden way. Indeed, the first night they shared a bed in the White House he would get what he always wanted. Ann would be on top.

The End.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012


OOOOOH!  We gonna have a tickle fight, we gonna have a tickle fight!!  I can't wait to grind my naughty little fingers into your soft bits and undercarriage.  I am so gonna tickle the fuck out of you!  Oh, you think this is gonna be some silly, easy going tickle fight?  Well guess again asshole, this is a tickle fight.... TO THE DEATH!

It's just like the nursery rhyme my grandmother used to tell me.... 

Old Sally Glot liked to tickle a lot, and no one could stop her murders
She tickles, you laugh.  she tickles, you cry
She'll tickle your body far and wide
She'll tickle your rump and she'll tickle your groin
She'll tickle your soft bits like sweet pork loin
She tickles you scream, she tickle you whine
she tickles you pee, she tickles you die.
Lots of different stuff happens after peeing and before dying though.  It's not like you wet yourself with ticklish glee and keel over from the effort.  No no no.  Many other things are voided after your bladder.  Let's see... First it's the pee.  Then it's the vomit.  Then it's the poo, lot's of poo, full internal release... It looks like your intestines shed it's skin and filled it with pudding... so much pudding.  Eventually there is blood coming out of everywhere, then it's the hemorrhaging death.  Tickling is some tough shit and I am going to tickle you.  I am going to tickle the fuck out of you.

Last year I was in Boise, I was hanging out in the Ace Hardware when this young punk comes in. The little fucker calls me out in front of everybody at the Ace.  He said "I hear you think you know how to tickle old man, you don't look like hot tickle-shit to me!"  I told the boy to stand down, that he did not want a piece of this old tickle machine.  But youth and stupidity got in the way.  "Fuck you grandpa!" shouted the little fucker "Draw them ticklers, bitch!" 

Once the tickle starts, it can't be stopped.  The Ace knew what the fuck was up immediately.  Shelves were moved and a large circle was cleared for the battle.  Word quickly spread and soon the Ace and surrounding parking lot were full of thousands of people.  The cops showed up and helped with crowd control, they knew the fight must go on!

The kid had raw, unrefined talent and youth on his side.  But tickling is won through experience.  My fingers are dry and brittle.  My calluses could cut cheese, but my touch...... Gentle as lamb's milk.  The kid was grinding his fingers into my armpits and groin, but he wasn't tickling,  he didn't know what tickling was. 

I let him think he was doing well, but then I laughed.  Not the tortured laugh of the tickled, no!  The laugh of utter mockery.  I began to tickle back.  The punk crumpled to the ground unable to tickle in return, his laughter crippling.  The crowd began chanting.  "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!"

I could see only red, the floor pooling with more and more bodily fluids.  I could sense Death leaning over my shoulder watching me tickling the last gasps of breath from this young man's lungs.  But then I noticed in the crowd.  One face not full of blood-lust.  One woman's face in the crowd, streaming with tears.  Through my blood filled eyes (not my blood)  I could see her cry out "NOT MY SON!  PLEASE NOT MY SON!!". 

It was then that I realized that this boy had learned his lesson.  Much to the dismay of the crowd, I could not kill him, not in front of his crying mother.  He was lucky.  You my friend are not so lucky.  I don't see your mother anywhere.  DRAW THEM TICKLERS BITCH!!

I will tickle you... I will tickle the fuck out of you.


Monday, May 28, 2012

The Patriotic Historical Revisionist Society of America: Memorial Day Edition

Another Enemy Bested

Today we at the Patriotic Historical Revisionist Society of America recognize Memorial day, a worldwide celebration of American courage and pride in our many successful efforts during wartime, and to remind us of the sacrifice made by the finest soldiers the world has ever had the pleasure of hosting. America has long taken the international community as our subordinates and proudly bore arms to protect them against the evil forces that would do them harm, often at the cost of life, indeed the most valuable type of life: American life. So to pay our tribute to the fallen we present to our dear readership the often forgotten tale of the role of America in the death of Joseph Stalin.

Many are now aware of the once unknown story of how American forces infiltrated Paris during the Nazi occupation and completed a bold assassination plot against Adolf Hitler, as was so beautifully recounted in the documentary film Inglorious Basterds by Quentin Tarantino, but few know the story of the final days of the brutal dictator Joseph Stalin. For those unfamiliar with world history, Stalin was an atheist, communist dictator of the Soviet Union during the second World War. While he held a non-aggression pact with Hitler's Germany in 1939, Hitler broke their agreement when he boldly initiated an invasion of Soviet territories with Operation Barbossa on June 22, 1941. The move proved to be foolish as German Wehrmacht forces were defeated for the first time after coming within 20 miles of the Kremlin in Moscow, and resources were badly depleted for the German army in the costliest engagement of WWII in terms of loss of human life.

Joseph Stalin was a brutal dictator, and was responsible for between 3 and 60 million deaths during his rule, not to mention the rape of hundreds of thousands of German women after the Soviets took Berlin at the end of the war. In post war negotiations Stalin quickly became at odds with western forces as he tried in vain to assert Soviet influence to gain territories beyond the Western Poland that was gained through agreements with Hitler. Once Stalin had begun supporting North Korean aggression in the Korean War, it was clear that his terrible reign must end.

President Truman took office in January of 1953, and worked closely with exiting President Roosevelt to complete Operation Christian Crusader that was well underway in FDR's administration. The focus was to send a common schoolchild into the belly of the Soviet beast to assassinate Joseph Stalin who had outlived his usefulness to become a nuisance to the West. The brave boy selected was Billy Nelnick, aged 12, a student at St. Jude's Catholic School in Charleston, South Carolina. He was immediately drafted as a special operative in the United States Army and granted the lowly rank of Private on January 5th, 1953.

After only a month and a half of training the young boy was sent to infiltrate the Iron Curtain and make a bold play for the death of Stalin himself. After gaining access to Stalin's Kuntsevo residence just west of Moscow, the boy was able to apply a fatal amount of the rat poison warfarin to Stalin's personal bedside tobacco pipe. Upon returning to his home on the evening of March 1, 1953, Stalin ingested the poison and was found on the floor of his bedroom the following day, diagnosed with a cerebral hemorrhage (an effect of the poison), of which he died four days later.

Upon his heroic escape Private Nelnick was immediately promoted to the rank of Sergeant, and was able to advance his way to the prestigious rank of Four Star General before being tragically taken down by a sniper's bullet in Cambodia while undertaking Operation Linebacker during the Vietnam war in 1972. He died while engaged in frontline combat, despite military objections that he was far too valuable personnel to be entrenched in ground conflicts. His courageous actions were proof to the entire world that a seemingly harmless American child was indeed possessed with greater valor and cunning than the entire Soviet Union, and had the effect of creating an international environment of American admiration that lasts to this day.

So let his sacrifice be an example, indeed one of many, of the American exceptionalism that has become the international hallmark our great country is now known by. And let us never forget that the prosperity of the western world owes it's debt to our grandeur.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Scum City Avengers - Laid To Rest

Ah shit, it's another one of Terlet's Musical Posts!!  I present to you a wonderful little diddy by the Scum City Avengers.  -Laid To Rest-  This song takes you by the rump and deeply explores your hiney-hole unapologetically roughly.  But you like it.  Who wouldn't?



Saturday, May 26, 2012

Films For Fiends: A Hamtackle Movie Review vol. 4

In an effort to further my obsession with all things depraved I have been trying to see the most foul and disturbing films of all time. Tonight I review the 1987 West German cult classic, Nekromatik. This is another flick that was considered distasteful enough to warrant being banned in several countries due to it's depiction of graphic violence and necrophilia.

The plot centers on a young man named Rob who works in Germany for a company called Joe's Cleaning, which specializes in the removal of bodies from horrible accidents. He lives in a small apartment with his girlfriend Betty, who shares in his horribly violent fantasies. We are introduced to Rob when his team arrives in a van to clean up a car wreck, and they pick up the various pieces of corpses and place them into bags. After a long day's work Rob returns home with a few keepsakes to add to a collection of body parts in jars, and carefully deposits an eye and heart into their own receptacles. We then see his girlfriend Betty, who is currently bathing in a tub of human blood.

Rob daydreams about a rabbit being slaughtered, which is shown on screen (with a live rabbit, I guess to maintain artistic integrity) and likens it to a human autopsy. But he is about to take his fantasies further when a new opportunity arises. A man is accidentally shot by a neighbor and the body is dumped in a pond, decaying badly before the cleanup crew is called. Rob decides to steal the corpse instead of disposing of it, and returns home to present the prize to his girlfriend. She is clearly pleased and immediately explores the corpse's junk, which must not be up to par since she channels her inner MacGuyver and fashions a dong out of a condom covered pipe that she embeds in it's decaying groin. But don't get the wrong idea, this is all very tastefully filmed, particularly the part where she licks it's hanging eyeball while Rob makes out with it. The whole thing is hilariously paired with a romantic piano sonata, making it the classiest necrophilic three-way I have ever seen.

While Rob works all day Betty begins forming a deeper relationship with the body, laying in bed and fornicating with it, even reading romance novels to it. But after Rob is unceremoniously fired for leaving his bloody clothes in a locker to fester, Betty is visibly upset and takes the first opportunity of Rob's absence to steal the corpse and leave him. Rob takes the most logical course of action, which is to put their beloved house cat in a plastic bag and beat it to death. He then bathes with the cat's blood and entrails. Thankfully the slaughter of the cat is clearly fake, unlike the slaughter of the rabbit seen earlier.

In an attempt to forget about his woes Rob goes to see a horror film, but ends up leaving the theater unsatisfied with the movie as his tastes have clearly progressed beyond what the rest of the world considers "shocking". He goes home and attempts to kill himself with an overdose of pills and booze, but is ultimately unsuccessful but has a graphic dream of being undead and having a woman present him with a decomposing human head... cue the romantic piano as the two gleefully toss the head back and forth and prance through a field.

When he awakens to find he has failed in his suicide attempt, Rob travels to a seedy part of town to procure a prostitute, who he takes to a stereotypically foggy cemetery to strangle and then posthumously rape after he has trouble getting an erection. He falls asleep until awakened in the morning by an elderly gravedigger, whom Rob attacks and decapitates with his own shovel.

Faced with this irreconcilable chain of events, Rob decides to attempt suicide again with strengthened resolve, and repeatedly stabs himself in the stomach while an obviously fake penis fires a comical amount of semen and blood into the air. All this while the cheesy piano plays in the background, and cut scenes of the rabbit being slaughtered are shown in reverse, making a funny attempt to add an artistic edge signifying that Rob's death is, in reality, his birth. The final scene shows Rob's grave, and the film ends with a woman thrusting a shovel into the earth to dig him up. Although you only see her feet, one can only assume it is Betty coming to claim her former lover.

I must say that I liked this film despite it's sub-par effects and hilarious pairing of piano with scenes of violence. And although the theme of necrophilia is certainly disturbing, and I have a serious distaste for any depiction of animal abuse, there is something charming about the character of Rob who is far from an all powerful killer with no conscience. Indeed he is a rather pathetic miscreant who is at the mercy of his demented mind, and has no one to share his life with once Betty rejects him in favor of a dead guy with a steel pipe makeshift wiener. Check it out if you are the type of person who can get a chuckle out of cheesy horror films from the vintage era of the mid '70's to the mid '80's.


Friday, May 25, 2012

The Buttered Pickle

Romey Sanchez
Welcome to The Buttered Pickle.  My name is Romey and I will be your waiter this evening.  Can I start you off with a drink?  Perhaps our house special drink?  It is a pickle jar full of a mixture of 3 of your favorite liquors.  My favorite is Gin, Creme de menthe and tequila.  We call it the Snowy Pickle.

An Iced Tea?  Well ok, but I have to warn you.  Our iced tea is like, super salty.  You still want it?  Ok, with or without the pickle garnish?  ..... Well yes, most people love a good pickle in their tea.

Our special today is boiled eggs served on a bed of fresh turnip greens with your choice of pickle.  We also have a great appetizer, it is a bowl of ranch dressing top off with melted cheese with a side of dippin' pickles.

I will give you a minute with the menu and I will be right back with your complimentary basket of saltines and the finger bowl of melted butter.


Here is your iced tea, extra salty.  Do you need more time or have any questions?  No?  Great.  .  What can I get for you for dinner?  Hmmm?  Oh, the pickle stuffed peppers are to die for.  We take fresh green peppers and fill them with diced pickle.  Then we put it in the freezer until frozen.  The freezing really makes that pepper taste like pickle, it is flavulous.  If you think that sounds good, why not try the brined oats?  We brine oats for seven weeks and mix it with pickle tips and butter.  It is like licking God's pickled penis. 

If you are still undecided, I also recommend The Catcher's Mitt.  It is five pickles stuffed inside a pork shoulder and boiled until lightly rubbery.  It is served family style with our fresh sliced pickle cheese. 

There is also Davy Jone's Locker.  We take a full pickle jar and dump out the juice.  We then replace the juice with country gravy and bake the jar until firm.  There is nothing more delicious that pulling out those creamy, steamy pickles.

Do we have steak?  Well,... we have pickle steak.  It is flattened pickles rolled in ground beef and sauteed in our sweet beer, pickle butter.  We then top it with honey mustard and a boiled egg.  Sold!  I will put in this order and I will check on those Saltines.  They should be done soaking in pickle juice by now.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Controversial Child Toys

Every once in a while a crazy concept makes it past the the research and development team at children's toy companies. While the resulting products are often hilarious, the consequences can be quite severe to the industry. Here are a few of the more insane examples from recent years.

Precious Pilot Poolside Slingshot

Do you have a significantly smaller or younger sibling? Does your family have a home pool with an easily scaled security fence? If you answered yes then you have everything necessary to play the coolest home game since lawn darts! The Precious Pilot Poolside Slingshot comes already assembled and ready for home flight experimentation. Just seat your younger sibling in the leather launching strip, pull back, aim, and fire away! The water makes their landing safe and fun, no matter how hard you launch them. How far can YOU fire? Find out today!

Junior's Budget Chemistry Set

Studies show that the earlier you expose your child to science the more likely they will form a lasting passion for education. But how do you foster a love for discovery on the budget of a fledgeling new family? Buy Junior's Budget Chemistry Set and turn the cabinet under the sink into a makeshift laboratory and set them loose! They will learn valuable lessons about mixing ammonia and bleach, and explore the core properties of chemicals such as scent, texture, and flavor! Just remember to keep junior in an enclosed space while playing, since nobody wants the fumes to fill the whole house.

Lil' Refugee Landmine Discovery Kit

Finally, a product that makes the most terrifying part of living in a third-world country fun again! Just head into the "forbidden" parts of the jungle/desert on the outskirts of your village wearing the Lil' Refugee blindfold and walking stick, and try to make it to the other side. But always remember... No Peeking! And as a bonus you can turn in your proof of purchase for a 20% discount on our full line of Lil' Refugee prosthetic limbs! So make your village safer and your children shorter by grabbing this product today!


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Haiku Time!!

Welcome one and all to Haiku Time.  I am sure you are all familiar with Haiku, the Japanese form of poetry.  I thought I would take a stab at writing a few.

Tiny tasty thing
Into my mouth you shall go
Screaming won't help you.

Eggplants are purple
They are thick, firm and swollen
Just like my penis

Free Diarrhea
You mean I don't have to pay?
Toss that slop my way

My old Slip and Slide
Is not very much fun since
Grandma died on it

Long live Sir Chapsworth
His gibberish never gets old
All gay references

Hamtackle dear friend
Loves real life gore and horror
He has skinned a man

I could sit on it
or it could sit inside me
More the merrier

Punch bowl full of soup
Sardines on saltines with cheese
Fire this caterer

Vienna Sausage
You taste like what you consist of
Simply Delicious

I once killed a man
Sometimes men need to be killed
Mostly women though

This racist poem
Is a very hurtful thing
But dagos can't read

Can you eat it all?
If you do you get money
It's prostitution

Fingers down my throat
The food flies from my stomach
Onto your tummy

Haikus are simple
5 7 5 syllables
See, that was easy


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Disco Found Dead

One of the most successful musical traditions of the 20th century was found beaten and drowned in a shallow bathtub at a Tulsa, OK truckstop motel, sources say. This news comes after several tragic blows to the disco community in the last few weeks, culminating in the deaths of genre giants Donna Summer and Robin Gibbs, both of cancer. Many had tried to lay a death blow to the much hated cultural movement of the 1970's, but previous attempts had all been thwarted despite well-organized efforts by musical purists worldwide.

Sources close to disco say that it enjoyed life, even though it had long ago faded to obscurity and ridicule due to an orchestrated campaign of slander following the outing of now obviously homosexual pop powerhouses The Village People. Homophobia and racism were primary motivators to the anti-disco rhetoric that began in the 1980's, and distasteful sentiment was likely reignited by the recent accusations of gay solicitation by former disco icon John Travolta, who is currently being sued for attempting to persuade male masseurs to perform aggressive handjobs in various hotel rooms nationwide.

Conspiracy theorists have wasted no time in theorizing dubious links between the cancer deaths of two of the genre's most notable performance icons last week, citing reports of hasty government intervention in media coverage of the deaths and federal foreclosures of the estates of both Gloria Gaynor and Herbie Mann, believed to be linked to the recent drowning death of disco in Tulsa.

Authorities point to the discovery of cocaine and alcohol at the scene of the death of disco as possible clues to the motivations for this brutal crime, possibly eluding to a crime of passion gone wrong after partying to excess over the weekend. But this theory has been met with skepticism by the musical community, who say in a recently released statement that disco "had been successful in fighting addiction to drugs and alcohol through participation and completion of several rehabilitation programs".

Disco is survived by equally-distasteful dance music genres dubstep and house, who could not be reached for comment.


Monday, May 21, 2012


Emshel Von Spudsweir














Sunday, May 20, 2012

I Know I Said I'd Fuck You

Oo de lally!!  It's another Popular Irony song!  This country classic is about backing out of a previously arranged carnal engagement. 

*I Know I Said I'd Fuck You*

Saturday, May 19, 2012


Hello loyal readers!  It is time for Super Fun Game Time!!!  We have some great celebrity hide and seek images.  If you were as famous as Jesus or Hitler, sometimes you wouldn't want to be found either.  See if you can spot them!!

Click for a bigger pic!  Jesus is hiding for your sins...

Jew won't never find him.  He's being IncogNazi.


Friday, May 18, 2012

Fat Guy Fitness

I am fat, and trying to get smaller. I suspect many of the people reading this share my love of pastry and inactivity, but I have been working on a fitness routine that is designed for someone at my level of obscene obesity. People like me can't rely on common workouts like running, push-ups, weight training, or bicycling. The simple reason is that we are unable to participate in any kind of activity that requires rigorous moving or being upright for more than ten minutes. Here are a few exercises that I have been working on!

One of the more effective techniques I have started occurs at my job. We have such a high ratio of obese employees there that they have installed an escalator to get from the parking area to the production floor, you know, so we don't have daily visits from the ambulance for heart attacks. Well I have taken the fitness approach to this aspect of my job and I now walk up the escalator. It is pretty rough, but I am usually able to make it to my desk after a quick italian shower in the restroom sink to stop the profuse sweating.  Maybe some day I will be fit enough to take the manual stairs next to the escalator.

My Gal
Another approach in my daily wife is when lovemaking with my even more obese girlfriend. In a sense, I am very lucky to have a girl that is built like waterlogged rhinoceros because she serves a dual purpose of counterbalancing my girth, and maneuvering her around the bed is great weightlifting exercise. And recently we have given up the passionless thrusting that comes with sex while laying on our sides, and we try to actually change positions. So far we are up to three position changes in a five-minute lovemaking session, but if we get too enthusiastic my left arm goes numb, so we have to be careful.

Fatguy Karate
And finally, my favorite method of exercise is martial arts. I have long been a homemade practitioner of fatguy karate, an ancient martial art that started as a stress-relief method used by sumo wrestlers in their off time between matches. This might surprise you, but I have a really mean jump kick that has come in handy on a few occasions. Once I had a group of aggressive mexicans surround me and I leapt through the air like lightning, and while they were all on the floor laughing I snuck away like a coward.

My routine is still in development, and I am pretty sure I have been losing weight (I can't weigh myself because I am unable to afford the required agricultural-grade bovine scale), and my girlfriend said I looked thinner, but that might just have been because I recently fished a sweater's worth of bellybutton lint last week. So wish me luck. I am going to need it.


Thursday, May 17, 2012


Pickles.  Yes... Pickles.  So tart and vinegary.  Those salty little fuckers.  Pickles. 


When you say Pickles, the first thing people think of is Pickled Cucumbers.  That is fucking bullshit.  Almost anything can be a Pickle.  Fuck me, I remember this one time I pickled an entire farrow of piglets.  MMMMMMMM! Fuckeroo those were some tasty, wee piggies.  You'd bite into them and get that satisfying pickle *CRUNCH*.

So fucking delicious.

Again, pickling isn't just for cukes and piggums.  Any of your tasty desires can be face fucked into your tummy with a bit of boiling brine and shiny glass jars.  Eggs, sausages, cauliflower, testicles, testicle sausage, pancakes, udder teats, smaller glass jars, curious fingers, etc. 

MMMM You can really see the chunks of testicle in that sausage.

Just boil up some brine, cram in your desired treat, top off with brine, put on a lid and boil the motherfucking jar.  Voila, Pickles.  Just wait a few weeks for the Devil's blood to saturate the cuisine.  What?  Devil's blood?  Well if Jesus' blood is wine, then wouldn't it make sense that the Devil's blood would be vinegar?  Opposites and all. 

Bros being bros.

Well that's what I believe asshole!  You wanna fuck with my belief system motherfucker!?  I will fucking come at you swinging fists saturated with my divine feces!  I always have a hot dump on deck and I can fire it out at anytime!  My poop is the product of years of eating nothing but pickles!  It is Lucifer's Hammer and I am his proxy.  I am Satan's greatest warrior and chosen successor!!  You want to fuck with that!!??  DO YOU!!??

Mr. Pickle

No?  Well, alright then.  As I was saying, the gherkins are $3.00 and the jumbos are $7.00.  If you buy 3 jars I will throw in a pickled piglet, for free.  Do we have a deal, new best friend?


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A One Legged Vagrant's Guide To The Movies: The Revengers

Hey there, movie people. It's me, Frisky Pete! Sorry I haven't been making movie writings for a while, but I have been spending most of my time at the free clinic getting critters scraped out of my leg wound. Having only one leg is real tough, especially if it keeps getting infected and smells like cheese all the time.

I was able to sneak into the movie house the other day and see the new Revengers movie. They said it was in 3D but all I saw was blurry. I bet the other people in the movie house only saw blurry too, since they all had to put on their glasses to see it right. I can't afford any glasses to see good. But I did get lucky because I spent the first ten minutes after the lights went out going through the trash cans by the door, and they hadn't cleaned them out from the previous movie! I got bunches of popcorn but most of it was wet and sticky with pop, but tasted way better than the dogfood in my pocket that I snuck in with me!

 The movie had a bunch of really powerful people breaking things a lot, and there was one that I really thought was cool. He was a big green man that yelled and broke everything in his way. I spent most of the movie waiting for him to start raping everyone in the movie, but he never did. That made me think the movie was not very realistic, since anyone that was that strong would definitely rape everyone he ran into. There was another guy that was red and had rocket feet, and another that had a really big hammer, like a super carpenter or something. But none of them were as neat as the giant green dude that wasn't raping anybody.

 I got pretty confused at what was happening in this movie, mostly since all the bright flashing lights kept giving me seizures. Every time my seizure stopped people were clapping in the movie house, so I felt pretty good that they were happy I was ok. Luckily I peed when I was having a seizure so I didn't have to go to the bathroom and risk getting thrown out like what happened to me last time. The movie house people are mean because they always seem to know that I don't have a ticket, even before I start running away from them.

 But in the end of the movie all the powerful people killed a bunch of flying insect men and then the movie ended. When everyone was leaving the movie I followed a woman who was walking, and when she got home I reached through her window and took her cat. It's a real good cat but it has only been two days and it's eye is already swollen shut. If I can remember where she lives I might give it back and try to take another person's cat. One without gross eye problems.

 But now I am back at the clinic and getting my bandage replaced. This clinic is better than the other ones because they don't have any stairs to hop up, and the one lady that scraped my leg last time is really nice, and has a big house with two cats inside it. I asked her about the cats but she got really weird and now she doesn't come into the clinic anymore. Maybe I'll stop by her house to talk about her cats. Maybe she wants to trade for a cat that has only one good eye.

 If my leg gets better I am going to go to another movie soon, but I don't know which one. I guess it doesn't matter, since I mostly only go there to stare at people and eat popcorn and candy. See you again sometime soon, internet people!


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Scum City Avengers - Get A Job

Well Shit me sideways!  It's another one of Terlet's Musical Posts!  Drop your pants and slap on your headphones, you are about to get a hot load of ear jizz from the Scum City Avengers.  This song is one of my favorites.  Get A Job.  This song has everything!  Counting, questions, decisions, the whole pile o' puddin'.

There is also the added gift of an extremely well acted Shakespearean tragedy at the beginning of the song.  It will really tickle your pickle.  Tune in, turn on, fuck off.


Monday, May 14, 2012

A Consumer's Guide to Bizarre Sex Acts

Due to the negative perception of society on prostitution, it can be quite hard to ensure you are paying a reasonable price when acquiring sexual services. Now traditional sex is rather straight-forward, and subject to a pricing scale that is dictated by the attractiveness of the prostitute you are soliciting. But when you have more unique tastes that require access to "premium services" there is very little documentation to establish a fair market price. So how do you ensure you aren't getting screwed when you are getting screwed? That's where Popular irony comes in. Take a look at the below to get an idea of what kind of depravity you can afford, all conveniently expressed in relative scale to the base price of the whore of your choosing.

Pseudonecrophilia - This is the act of fucking someone who is pretending to be dead. Participants are generally seeking an alternative to the real deal that, while still illegal, is less socially deplorable and subject to far more lenient punitive consequences. This one is on the low scale of the pricing range, but still requires some additional compensation due to the disturbing nature of the act, and the implied performance strain on the prostitute. You should be paying 110% of the base price, plus any post-coital tip.

The Premium Finish - These acts conclude normal sex practices with a humiliating or abusive act during ejaculation. These can be costly due to the loss of work the prostitute can suffer while recovering, and should ALWAYS be negotiated prior to being performed. Failure to do so can put you on the wrong end of a pimp hand, or worse. Varieties include The Long John Silver (jizz in her eye, then kick her in the leg causing her to hop around on one foot), The King Kong (give her a facial, then tear off a handful of your pubic hair and throw it in her face, making her look like a gorilla), The Strawberry Shortcake (give her a facial then punch her in the nose, mixing blood and semen), and countless other variants. The proper going rate for such an act is 120% - 140% of her base rate, subject to her discretion. Anything over should be considered price-gouging.

Emetophilia - This is described as the act of vomiting on your partner during erotic play. Common varieties include The Mexican Sizzle (vomiting on your partner after a meal consisting of primarily hot peppers), and The Cosby Sweater (vomiting on you partner after eating colorful children's breakfast cereal). For some reason these acts are traditionally given more attractive rates than the premium finish, probably due to the added risk of infection paired with the rather routine nature of abuse in the average prostitute's lifestyle. You should not pay above 130%, not including the price of the preparatory meal.

Scat Play - This is the act of shitting on, or being shit on, during the act of sexual intercourse. These acts are given an "urban legend" cultural status, and include The Glass-Bottom Boat (covering the face in plastic cling wrap and shitting all over it), and The Cleveland Steamer (shitting on the chest, then sitting in it and rolling the buttocks up and down the torso). The life of a fecophile is a costly one, mostly because, well... people don't want to get shit on. Expect to pay a full 200% of any whore's going rate to get your shit-fix, and not a dollar less. It is an unspoken rule in the sex industry that being covered in a stranger's shit is difficult to negotiate, even in the best of conditions (as when in the company of low-value, crack-addicted, desperate whores).

As always, we here at Popular Irony are open to the requests of our faithful viewers. If anyone has a personal favorite act that we might have missed, feel free to leave a comment or email us at for a prompt reply. Happy fornicating!


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Internet Art Show - Mother's Day Edition

Happy Mother's Day!  In celebration of this most matriarchal of holidays, we present a Popular Irony Internet Art Show.  Today's subject is a notorious tabloid mother, The Octomom.  I Googled "Octomom Art" copy and pasted some bitlets and pics and voila, the artful results!

First up is some sort of plastic Octomom Sculpture.  Simply astounding... just look at the line work and the... the .... sculptedness.

Ah!   I like this one.  It is titles "Octomom the Supervillian".  Tube of sperm, turkey baster, nipple hat and not to mention the 8 exposed breasts.  The misspelling of the word "Supervillain" only adds to the mystique surrounding this piece.

Hey!  It's some sort of Octomom  pedal scooter or something..... This exhibit is really missing some exsposed breasts.  C-

Up until now, I never thought stretch marks were sexy.  This sculpture just reaffirms past beliefs.  I was shocked when the babies were actually born and didn't just burrow their way out of her stomach like rabid voles.

Her belly is full of blue veins like an fine, stinky cheese.

So I'm not supposed to be aroused by this?  I mean art is in the eye of the beholder, right?

Finally!  A piece of art that really speaks to me!  Birthing buttered pancakes!  I think this piece really captures the meaning and purpose behind Mother's day.  The Octomom being crucified for our entertainment while a salivating Angelina Jolie and Madonna gyrate over her freshly birthed pancake pile. I have stared into the abyss and pancakes stared back.

I hope our Internet Art trip was as fun for you as it was for me.  I'm am sure we will go on a journey together again... one day... when I need an easy, quick, lazy post.  Happy Mother's Day!!


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Films For Fiends: A Hamtackle Movie Review vol. 3

It's time for another installment of Films for Fiends, my attempt to view and review the most horrifying videos of all time... you know, so you don't have to. Tonight I will detail the 1988 shock horror classic The Men Behind The Sun which detail the WWII atrocities committed by the Japanese at the dubious Unit 731 facility. The film is directed by Mou Tun-fei and runs about 105 mins.

It is first necessary to admit that this film, while presented as a factual account of the happenings located at Unit 731 during wartime, is directed by a Chinese man and has some elements of an exploitation film. But it is certainly not hard to imagine that the Japanese were involved in atrocious medical testing that mirrored the horrible experiments of Dr. Josef Mengele, as the Japanese were allied with the Nazis at the time. The director received criticism and even death threats from Japanese citizens after the film's release, and it is banned in several countries.

The plot follows a group of children who are sent to the frozen backdrop of Unit 731, based in what is now Northeast China, as recruits to participate in experimentation on Chinese citizens for the purposes of creating new and powerful biological weapons. For the first third of the film we see the children adapting to life on the base and learning the Unit 731 style of harsh discipline. The children play with a deaf-mute Chinese boy that lives in the surrounding area, and get into trouble for playing with a red ball. It is clear their commanding officers are trying to toughen them up.

The children are slowly exposed to the horror of the medical experiments that are being undertaken. They are taught to think of the Chinese as non-humans, and are forced to beat them as part of their indoctrination. In one horrible scene a Chinese woman is forced to stand in the snow with her arms extended while a guard pours cold water over them, stopping only to break the long icicles from her forearms. The torture lasts for over ten hours until she is taken into a room in front of the children, forced to dip her frozen arms in boiling water (which seemingly causes no pain due to the death of her tissue) and a "scientist" grabs her forearms and rips all the flesh from them in one smooth motion.

The disturbing experiments include throwing a live cat in a room full of ravenous rats to be torn to shreds, tying live subjects to crucifixes for the purposes of target practice, the use of pressure chambers to kill people by causing their intestines to vacate their orifices, and live dissections of human subjects to ensure "freshness" of harvested organs. Their efforts are focused on developing a ceramic bomb containing fleas infected with a brutal strain of bubonic plague to be used in the fight agains the allies in the war.

But the children become disillusioned with the experiments when one boy witnesses the live dissection of the deaf-mute boy, which was controversial for the use of a genuine child's corpse in the scene, complete with still-beating heart. Soon after, the tides of war turn against the Japanese and they are forced to abandon Unit 731, leaving the facility burning as to hide the terror of their experiments. In the final scene the fleeing Japanese troops weed out a disguised Chinese boy in their midst, and impale him with a length of pipe, spraying blood across a Japanese flag in a rather cheesy image of pure propaganda.

The film is mostly shocking for the use of actual human remains, and two scenes of animal torture where the cat is fed to live rats and the rats are later set on fire. While these scenes are designed to add to the sense of horror, they ultimately discredit it as shock cinema and prevent it's message from being absorbed by the wider world audience.

I would say that personally I found this film to be less shocking than I had hoped, but I enjoyed some of it's creativity in death scenes. It is also not without it's humorous moments. I particularly enjoyed the character of one crazy old man that was tasked with continually feeding an incinerator with pieces of corpses. He is forcibly dragged out of the facility while it is burning at the end, laughing wildly. It reminds me somewhat of Faces of Death with a plotline, where scenes of real violence and gore are punctuated by obvious cheap special effects, and the grainy film gives it a dark ambiance. This film sparked my interest in the history of Unit 731, and I plan on watching the recent documentary film Philosophy of a Knife to further my knowledge on the subject.

So there you have it, another disturbing film review down. Next week I will be watching the foreign film Nekromantik for your reading pleasure. Until then, sweet dreams!


Friday, May 11, 2012

Nachos Con Carnal

Nachos?!  Did you say nachos!?  I fucking love nachos!!  There was this one time... back in Yamville... I totally banged this chick on a huge pile of nachos.  We did the greasy thrust and dined on floor nachos for hours!  It was the best night of my life.  Since then, I have had dozens of "Nacho Parties" or "Nachos con Carnal".

You too can have "Nachos con Carnal"  You only need a few items to have some very memorable love making.  You need an empty room no bigger than 8x8', a clean industrial tarp, a trusting partner or partners (preferably chubby), 50 - 60 bags of your favorite corn chips and 30 - 50 boxes of Velveeta "cheese".

Make sure that the tarp is large enough to be securely mounted to the walls of the room while making a loose but sturdy "bowl" in the center.  Fill the tarp bowl with all of the corn chips.  Make sure that the entire tarp is covered in at least 2" of chips.  The "cheese" is a little more time and energy consuming.  Get the largest cooking pots you can find, fill them with "cheese" and turn the heat on low.  It can be hard to have enough room to melt all of that "cheese".  You can do what I do.  Cut the top off a beer keg and heat it with a large propane stove.  The neighbors always wonder what I am doing with all that steaming, cheese filled keg in my front yard.  Keep guessing assholes!!

Once your cheese is melted, liberally apply it to the waiting chips.  You now have a nacho fucking dream come true.  Just wait for your Craigslist visitors to arrive and get to the fucking and feasting.  I'll tell you, you haven't lived until you've eaten soiled nachos off a strangers ass. 

The party ends when all the nachos have been consumed.  That includes the thick Velveeta layer covering the bodies of every member of this filthy fiesta.  Oh yeah, and Velveeta is a natural spermicide so No Condoms Required!!  MMMMM Rawdog and Nachos, a feast for a king.

That is mostly cheese....... cheese and semen.


Thursday, May 10, 2012

I Need A Friend Right Now

Alright, I guess I'll just say it... I got my dick stuck in a jar. It was one of those little baby food jars, and I was fooling around and decided to try and cram my wiener into it. Once I got the head in it started to feel pretty good so I pushed real hard and I heard a sort of... farting noise. Well I guess that was the sound of some air escaping the bottle and now I am trapped.

I tried lubing my shaft up but that just made the problem worse, since now I have an airtight seal that only intensifies the suction. When I try to pull the bottle off my cock head grows to like, three times normal size and turns a deep purple color and I am terrified that it is going to explode.

I know what you are thinking... "it will just fall off when you lose your boner", right? The problem is that the whole ting feels really good, and I have already ejaculated three times without losing my erection. And as if I weren't already in trouble, the semen in the jar keeps forcing out a little more air making the suction action even more intense!

I refuse to entertain the idea of breaking the jar. This might be the most rigid erection I have ever had and I know the glass would sever my cock and probably kill me, and no one wants their corpse to be found in that condition. At first I thought I could just wait the whole thing out, but goddamn it, this erection just can't be satisfied. I even tried to drink away the boner with a liter of whiskey, but I just woke up on the floor six hours later with a hangover AND A BABY FOOD JAR ON MY COCK!

It has almost been a whole day since I made the foolish decision to attempt to make love to a food container, and the situation has only gotten worse. I missed work this morning because I have a massive whiskey headache and a near-suicidal level of shame. I can't even put on pants due to the added girth of a bottle on my already massive erection, and calling an ambulance is out of the question.

Now I am sitting here, trying to decide how this situation can be resolved, and staring down at my misfortune with a growing level of personal shame, unable to curb my disgust at the unstoppable arousal despite the image of a smiling upside-down child staring up at me... judging me.

It is at trying times like these that one tends to ponder the true strength of his friendships with others. Anyone who would help a friend in circumstances as dire as mine would be a true friend indeed. So I was wondering... we have been bros for a long time, and I really need your help right now, so would you be willing to go by the hardware store and buy a power drill and a glass drill bit? If we could relieve the vacuum then there might be a light at the end of this extremely dark tunnel. So would you? Would you please be my savior?


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Shitty Post

Hello Friends and loyal readers.  I have to apologize in advance for this post.  It will be short and very little work will be put into it.  You might as well leave this website right now.  The reason for this lack of effort is due to the fact that Minecraft was released on XBOX Today!! 

We at Popular Irony are big fans of Minecraft and have anticipated it's XBOX release for months.  I am now going to fire up the Box, shove some Qdoba down my food pit and play some o' the Craft.  It better not suck.




Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Police brutality has long been suspected by the American public and experienced first-hand by minority populations, but the various institutions that have been accused have been quite successful at defending against any claim of wrongdoing. They claim that any excessive violence is not systemic, and when they are unable to deny the brutal nature of the crime altogether they blame the "unfortunate incident" on a few "bad apples" and promptly fire the officers involved, usually without bringing any criminal charges.

Enter the invention of the video camera. In the early '90s we all got to see the sad truth when the Rodney King tape went public. The police were exonerated of any criminal penalty and well... we all know what happened after that. Now we are living in an age where cops can pepper spray peaceful demonstrators without fear of retribution, and boldly attack the citizens they serve in the face of dozens of cellphone and security cameras.

Now before you go crying foul at this commentary and call me a hippie, I need to make clear that I understand that the vast majority of police are dutifully serving the public and have character that is beyond reproach. But that makes it even more important to hand out extremely harsh penalties to any officer found guilty of brutality. Why is it that committing violence against an officer of the law carries far greater penalties than committing equal crimes against private citizens? Should not the same logic be applied to police that are found to have violated their sworn oath to "protect and serve"? I think yes, and the penalties should be even more severe as dirty cops violate the public trust.

The reason I decided to go off on a decidedly unfunny rant today is that I viewed the Kelly Thomas video today. For those of you that are not aware, the video was released publicly during the trial of officers Manuel Ramos and Jay Cicinelli, who are being charged in the death of a homeless schizophrenic man in Fullerton, CA last July 5th. In the video you can see a clearly disoriented Kelly Thomas being given orders to "put your hands on your knees". When he keeps moving his hands officer Ramos puts on latex gloves and says "See my fists? They are getting ready to fuck you up!"

Unfortunately Thomas chooses not to fear the officer who was trying to terrify him. "Well, start punching then" Thomas says, sealing his fate. The next ten minutes of video show an increasing number of cops appearing on scene and dog-piling on top of Thomas while he screams for mercy. He complains he cannot breath, and the cops repeatedly shout "stop resisting!", a convenient phrase that allows them to continue beating him and liberally applying the use of a taser. The last words Thomas ever spoke were "Dad, they're killing me...", referring to Kelly Thomas' father, a former police officer himself. The victim died several days later while in a coma from his injuries.

Thomas' injuries
Officer Ramos' injuries
The crime scene

Ron Thomas, the victim's father, claims he was offered $900,000 by the city of Fullerton to "go away" and allow the officers involved to go unpunished. Thankfully he declined and two of the cops involved are facing murder charges.

Lets hope justice is served, and let the wrath of the law be swift against those wolves in sheep's clothing that so boldly victimize us.  If not for the sake of the Thomas family, then for the sake of the state of California and honorable police officers everywhere. California could do without another public uprising and riot.