Friday, May 4, 2012

Grandma Toilf

"Put down that potato peeler!"  Shouted Officer Toilf.  "Don't make me shoot you."  The scaly monster in his Grandmother's kitchen turned it's head to make eye contact, a potato peeler clutched in it's clawed hand.

"I'm making potato salad." the monster calmly responded.  "It's your favorite kind, German."

Officer Toilf mopped his dripping brow with the back of his non-gun-wielding hand.  "What did you do to my Grandmother?!  Where is my Granny!?!"

"German, with caraway seeds." said the giant lizard with a gravelly, sing songy voice.  "I also put in thick, smoked, pepper bacon, because I know how much you love it."  The beast turned it's back on the manic, uniformed man and went back to peeling.

"What are you?  Why are you here?!"  Shouted Officer Toilf. "WHERE IS MY FUCKING GRANDMOTHER!?" 

The creature's back straightened with an unnatural jerk, it's head snapping to the side leveling one of it's bright red eyes at Toilf.  "Watch your lanuguage young man!"  Shrieked the creature, it's eyes lightly glowing.

"Who are you!?" Yelled Officer Toilf.  "Where is my grandmother?" 

"What do you mean deary?  You are talking like a loony."  Said the monster, smoke seeping from it's mouth  "Now help your old Granny, wash these carrots".

Officer Toilf looked at the monster.  He studied it's wrinkly scales, it's shiny, spiky spine, it's large, powerful tail.  The beast poured the Potatoes into a large pot, then continued to add red onion, parsley, white wine, butter, bacon and chicken broth.

Fired poured from radioactive lizard's  mouth as it began heating the large pot of food.  Officer Toilf's eyes narrowed, recognition finally dawning on him.

"Grandma, is that a new wig?  You look twenty years younger!  You scared the bejeezus out of me.  I thought there was a young, beautiful, home invader in my Gran's house."

"Why thank you dear.  You are such a sweetheart. " responded Grandma Toilf. "Now wash up for dinner, pumpkin."


-The End-


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