Friday, May 25, 2012

The Buttered Pickle

Romey Sanchez
Welcome to The Buttered Pickle.  My name is Romey and I will be your waiter this evening.  Can I start you off with a drink?  Perhaps our house special drink?  It is a pickle jar full of a mixture of 3 of your favorite liquors.  My favorite is Gin, Creme de menthe and tequila.  We call it the Snowy Pickle.

An Iced Tea?  Well ok, but I have to warn you.  Our iced tea is like, super salty.  You still want it?  Ok, with or without the pickle garnish?  ..... Well yes, most people love a good pickle in their tea.

Our special today is boiled eggs served on a bed of fresh turnip greens with your choice of pickle.  We also have a great appetizer, it is a bowl of ranch dressing top off with melted cheese with a side of dippin' pickles.

I will give you a minute with the menu and I will be right back with your complimentary basket of saltines and the finger bowl of melted butter.


Here is your iced tea, extra salty.  Do you need more time or have any questions?  No?  Great.  .  What can I get for you for dinner?  Hmmm?  Oh, the pickle stuffed peppers are to die for.  We take fresh green peppers and fill them with diced pickle.  Then we put it in the freezer until frozen.  The freezing really makes that pepper taste like pickle, it is flavulous.  If you think that sounds good, why not try the brined oats?  We brine oats for seven weeks and mix it with pickle tips and butter.  It is like licking God's pickled penis. 

If you are still undecided, I also recommend The Catcher's Mitt.  It is five pickles stuffed inside a pork shoulder and boiled until lightly rubbery.  It is served family style with our fresh sliced pickle cheese. 

There is also Davy Jone's Locker.  We take a full pickle jar and dump out the juice.  We then replace the juice with country gravy and bake the jar until firm.  There is nothing more delicious that pulling out those creamy, steamy pickles.

Do we have steak?  Well,... we have pickle steak.  It is flattened pickles rolled in ground beef and sauteed in our sweet beer, pickle butter.  We then top it with honey mustard and a boiled egg.  Sold!  I will put in this order and I will check on those Saltines.  They should be done soaking in pickle juice by now.


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