Tuesday, May 1, 2012
All right, I have to level with you. This is not a post about boring missionary sex between married pasty white christians as the title might have led you to believe, but rather about the choice of news organizations by conservative America. If you are anything like me, you have spent countless hours pouring over the internet for various porn videos and pictures, sometimes to find compilations of 200 facials in 200 seconds, or maybe a five minute clip of Japanese tentacle porn.
No matter your tastes, we all find one thing refreshing about internet porn. You always find hardcore fucking that is untainted by random videos of cats doing stupid things, or fratboys denying their homosexual tendencies by delivering mutually painful nutshots. When you look for porn, you will ALWAYS find porn. The same thing occurs when a conservative watches FOX News. They don't want an objective story about the growing gap between the rich and the middle-class, or something pointing out hypocritical statements made during a GOP debate. You might accidentally run into some of that stuff if you watch a reputable journalist outlet, but the chances of finding that kind of honest portrayal on FOX is about as likely as regrowing a severed limb.
This is why independents and liberals need to stop crying foul whenever we notice FOX News displaying a blatant bias in their broadcast. This is like getting upset at finding anal fisting videos on Redtube. The people that go to Redtube are not surprised that they find porn there... they COUNT on it! So I could go on about how former Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan admitted in 2008 that they sent talking points to FOX News commentators that were designed to give a positive spin to the Bush administration, or about the numerous cases of the channel displaying poorly photoshopped images of liberals with facial features out of proportion to inspire ridicule from their viewers, or the time they used footage of a huge crowd to give the false impression that there was greater turnout for a healthcare protest than the measly 4,000 that actually attended, but it would do no good at all. You will never drive their viewership away with those kinds of journalistic revelations because that is exactly the kind of ignorance-reinforcing drivel that drew the flies to the dungheap in the first place.
And if there is one thing that has been consistent throughout human history for over 300,00 years (or 6,000 years, for the uneducated and superstitious among us), it is that ignorance is bliss. Weighing the pros and cons of both sides of a conflict will always be harder than putting your blinders on and focusing on one side, and facing the failures of the country you love will always be harder than touting the endless virtues of "American exceptionalism". And no place is safer for the ignorant than FOX News, the only place in journalism where you become less informed than those who don't pay ANY attention to news at all ( http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-11-22/news/30431182_1_fox-news-results-show-viewers )
But I con't begrudge the ignorant their only outlet for ego-massaging, rhetoric-perpetrating propaganda. Because even I can admit that when I have an erection sometimes I just want to look at porn, too. But if you ever needed more evidence that FOX News is indeed an evil organization, look no further than this image of Rupert Murdoch's hands.