Thursday, May 17, 2012


Pickles.  Yes... Pickles.  So tart and vinegary.  Those salty little fuckers.  Pickles. 


When you say Pickles, the first thing people think of is Pickled Cucumbers.  That is fucking bullshit.  Almost anything can be a Pickle.  Fuck me, I remember this one time I pickled an entire farrow of piglets.  MMMMMMMM! Fuckeroo those were some tasty, wee piggies.  You'd bite into them and get that satisfying pickle *CRUNCH*.

So fucking delicious.

Again, pickling isn't just for cukes and piggums.  Any of your tasty desires can be face fucked into your tummy with a bit of boiling brine and shiny glass jars.  Eggs, sausages, cauliflower, testicles, testicle sausage, pancakes, udder teats, smaller glass jars, curious fingers, etc. 

MMMM You can really see the chunks of testicle in that sausage.

Just boil up some brine, cram in your desired treat, top off with brine, put on a lid and boil the motherfucking jar.  Voila, Pickles.  Just wait a few weeks for the Devil's blood to saturate the cuisine.  What?  Devil's blood?  Well if Jesus' blood is wine, then wouldn't it make sense that the Devil's blood would be vinegar?  Opposites and all. 

Bros being bros.

Well that's what I believe asshole!  You wanna fuck with my belief system motherfucker!?  I will fucking come at you swinging fists saturated with my divine feces!  I always have a hot dump on deck and I can fire it out at anytime!  My poop is the product of years of eating nothing but pickles!  It is Lucifer's Hammer and I am his proxy.  I am Satan's greatest warrior and chosen successor!!  You want to fuck with that!!??  DO YOU!!??

Mr. Pickle

No?  Well, alright then.  As I was saying, the gherkins are $3.00 and the jumbos are $7.00.  If you buy 3 jars I will throw in a pickled piglet, for free.  Do we have a deal, new best friend?


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