Saturday, March 31, 2012

A Gentleman's Guide To Civilized Shitting

I spend a lot of time voyeuristically watching people defecate, and over the years I have noticed some pretty disturbing trends. Most men simply close the stall door and grunt out a hasty dump without giving the experience the attention that it deserves, then carelessly flushing the log as if it bore no significance whatsoever. This is why I decided to write a brief guide to proper pooping from the perspective of a fecal connoisseur with decades of experience. I can turn even the most hasty and care-free shitter into a gentleman of the porcelain throne.

First and foremost, in order to properly shit one must be dressed for the occasion, or rather, undressed. Ideally a gentleman must always defecate nude in order to protect the fine garments he wears, particularly when using public restrooms. A good rule of thumb is that you should never shit wearing anything that can't be washed with a garden hose, or be discarded as soon as they suffer splash damage. One must be aware that even the softest fecal matter can hit the water with the force of a carpenter's hammer causing not only a startling wetness to your nethers, but also droplets of arrant sewage tarnishing whatever you were foolish enough to keep bundled around your ankles. If you are a "never nude" or simply must otherwise remain clothed, I suggest carrying a pocket poncho for the purposes of covering all exposed clothing.

The second issue to address is the dampening of your rusty trumpet as you relieve bowel pressure. A true gentleman sings his way through the act, not only masking any embarrassing noises but also entertaining anyone lucky enough to occupy adjacent stalls, or lets say... watching from above or something. You will also be glad to learn that singing in the bathroom comes with acoustic perks and, much like a slide whistle, one can adjust the pitch of their voice dependent on the length and girth of the log. I myself have achieved a baritone nearly two octaves below my documented singing range during one particularly aggressive crap.

And your gentlemanly duties don't stop once the dookie hits the water. I was pleasantly clued in by a colleague to the wonders of wiping with baby wipes, and thus I always travel with a pack for any unexpected blowouts. And make certain that you have a battery-operated personal fan, because the sensation of the alcohol evaporating from your filth bagel is a magical experience when paired with a gentle breeze. Just be extra careful that you don't get your undercarriage tangled in the fan blades, as that can result in a rather embarrassing ambulance ride. But with the proper care you can be assured that your cornhole with remain always rim-ready and your silk underwear skid-free.

The final step before flushing may be the most important. Being proactive about your own colon health can be the difference between pleasurable shitting and painful hemorrhoids and possible polyp outbreak/cancer. Carry with you a pair of latex disposable gloves that have enough thickness to hold up to the stench, and gently cradle the log paying close attention to temperature and consistency. Break it apart and inhale the aroma (healthy shits should smell like death) and rummage through the contents looking for traces of undigested food, indicating you have to work on your chewing when dining. Warning signs would be a sour, milky odor, the presence of blood or blood clotting, clumps of tangled hair, or parasites. With consistent monitoring you can not only be assured that you have a healthy digestive system, but you can also save thousands of unnecessarily spent healthcare dollars!

So get your civilized shitting routine started today and who knows... maybe I will be seeing you soon!


-

Friday, March 30, 2012

Muppetism - Genetic Disorder?

I just watched the new “The Muppets” movie.  While I greatly enjoyed this nostalgic romp, there were certain ideas produced in the film that I just can’t get out of my head.  Primarily, the idea of “Muppetism” being a genetic disorder.

In the film, Jason Segel plays Gary, a normal human who’s brother, Walter, is a Muppet.  Nowhere in the film is it stated that Walter was adopted and is not the genetic brother of Gary.  This fact alone made my head spin.  Could a Muppet child be born of two normal, human parents?  If that is the case, is Muppetism a genetic disorder along the lines of Down Syndrome or could it be a mutation of some sort?

Gary and Walter, Brothers?
Those born with Muppetism tend to be either stunted or gigantic.  There skin is covered in a fine fur, they have large, wide mouths and they stare from large, protruding, unblinking eyes.  They almost never have teeth and when they eat, food falls out of their mouths.  There are many detriments to being born with Muppetism but there can also be advantages including, immunity to explosions and most forms of physical damage and a natural ability to entertain others.

Muppetism can occur in almost any species.
Muppetism is not just a human disorder.  It seems to be able to alter the physical and mental structure of many different species, from prawns to pigs.  If an animal is born with Muppetism, they are gifted with a form of anthropomorphism.  They take on human characteristics and intelligence.  Most become bipedal and are able to integrate themselves into human society.  If an animal is born with Muppetism and is not eaten by it’s parents, it’s life is actually much more realized and substantial.  Muppetism only seems to be a detriment to humans born with the condition.

In “The Muppets”, Walter’s growth is stunted and his social interactions are difficult and sometimes tedious.  He relies on his “normal” human brother to help him through life.  Only when he is with his own kind, the Muppets, is he able to come out of his shell and start living his life under the tutelage of his fellow mutants.

It appears that along with Autism, Muppetism is on the rise.  Could it be the pharmaceutical infested water we are drinking?  Is it the pollutants in the air?  The cause of Muppetism must be found and stomped out.  I do love the Muppets, but I also dream of a world where a mother has no fear that her child will be born a felt skinned, yarn haired, wide mouthed freak.

Freak Baby!

I assume that there are thousands of Muppetism related abortions every year.  During your next prenatal visit, be sure the doctor tests for Muppetism.


-

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Critter Corner

One thing you all might not know about me is that I have a degree in biology and like to take long walks to look at all the diverse wildlife in the natural habitat around my home. I thought I would share some of my vast knowledge with our faithful readers, as well as some of my photographic documentation of these fine specimens.




Here we have a beautiful avian specimen, commonly called the "gargling snatchtop" (Mucosa vulgaris). This bird is well known for it's propensity to target women during the peak of their menstrual cycle with ear-piercing shrieks and fecal dive-bombing. The bird is best identified by it's bright red "shoulderpads" and jet black coloration.





Here we have a rare "lobster-falcon" (Lomus puntaso) so-called due to it's very particular diet that is limited to only crustaceans. Their chosen biome being a landlocked grassland state has led to an incredibly low success rate for successfully hatched eggs. In an effort to boost their numbers the state wildlife commission has undertaken a lobster and crab re-introduction program in the local freshwater streams (albeit unsuccessfully). Interesting fact: The lobster falcon has a greater penis-to-body size ratio than humans, causing erratic flight patterns as they struggle with the improper weight balance.





Wow! What a treat! Here we have a "giant scaly earthworm" (Phallus maximus). This creature mimics the common bull snake in both size and coloration, but is as harmless as it's annelid brethren. These creatures make wonderful pets for very small children and babies due to their habit of "hugging" the little ones and enjoying their warmth. As a toddler I used to go out in the back yard in my diapers and a bucket and spend hours hunting down the delightful creatures, and if you have children it is a great substitute to tv and helps spark interest in the environment!





Stand back! I found a "crusted shit scallop" (Fecosa penetrada)! The red coloration behind it's ear is a warning to the animal kingdom to STAY AWAY due to their status as one of the most venomous animals in the contiguous United States. Once I confirmed their presence along the local river the city quickly barred all fishing and swimming within a 20 mile radius. Although the state has a "shoot on sight" policy that is reinforced by a pelt-for-money exchange program, I refuse to capitulate due to my respect for the animals.


I will continue to document the local wildlife and may return with further photographs to help educate the public at large.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Sexual Ninja



A predator in black
Pajamas, in fact
A gymnast at night on the prowl


In shadows he hides
He wants your insides
His design to reside in your bowel


Too fast to protest
He will quickly molest
In ways that are sure to be foul


Once the dark deed is complete
Without a sound he'll retreat
But like a gentleman he'll leave you a towel


-

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Letters To God

Yesterday I was shocked to see that there were several emails in the popularirony@gmail.com address, mostly since everyone that views this website refuses to stroke our ego by participating. But (not surprisingly) they appear to have been mistakenly sent to us, as they are all letters to god sent by a children's Sunday school class. Now normally I would mark them as spam and delete them, but I decided to send some responses instead. So here are a few of the emails with my reply. Enjoy.


Dear God,

My brother is always very mean to me, and I herd that you said we should do to others like they do to us. Does that mean I get to throw roks at him too?

I love you,
Jessica

 

Dear Jessica,

When I said "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I did not mean that you should hurt someone back if they hurt you, because that would be wrong. I meant that you should always be nice to others because you would want them to be nice to you, too. But don't worry about your brother, he is just acting out because he wants to have sex with you and this is the only way he knows how to tell you. He prays to me all the time about how he hides in your closet and watches you get naked, then touches your body while you sleep. If you don't want him to throw rocks at you then you should eat a lot and get fat, because then he wouldn't think you are pretty anymore.

Love you back!
God
_____________________________________________
 




Dear God,

My Mommy says that I should read the hole bible from beginning to end, but I dont understand all the words. Can you help me learn the words so I can read it?

Love, Timmy



Dear Timmy,

I find your lack of fluent literary understanding to be atrocious, and you should undoubtedly be mortified that your intellectual development has been elementary at best. I granted you an abundance of mental capacity that you have apparently rendered superfluous due to grievous disuse and neglect, and I am ashamed that you have not dedicated the same enthusiastic determination with your reading pursuits as you have with your ample toy collection.

PS- Your mommy is going to die soon. Sorry in advance!

Impecuniously yours,
God
_____________________________________________



Dear God,

Billy at school says that you aren't real, and I told him I could prove it becuz you would send me emails like you did before. Please tell billy that you are real.

Your frend,
Sarah


[DO NOT REPLY]
The email address you entered does not exist.
There is no God
Please verify the address and try again.
 _____________________________________________



You may think it is cruel to send these responses, but I wish that someone would have explained that religion is bullshit to me before I figured it out myself. Hopefully these responses will at least start a conversation between these impressionable children and their parents, because the sooner they learn that they live in a horrible, godless world the better they will prepare themselves for the disappointment.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Tim Jenson's - The Moopputs

Tim Jenson - Creative Genius
So there I was, down on the boardwalk doing my world famous Moopput Theater, when this fucking little paperwork bitch sticks me with a "Cease and Desist" order.  It says that the Henson Company thinks my Moopputs infringe on those cheap ass Muppets of theirs.  Bullshit!  I can out-puppet any of those fucking clowns at the Henson Company. 

They say my world renown Moopputs are just cheap knockoffs of their Muppets.  My Moopputs are completely original creations and I am fucking insulted that they would say otherwise.

Take for example, the crowd favorite, "Dermit the Toad".  He looks nothing like that cheap-ass piece of felt trash, Kermit the Frog.  Frogs and toads aren't even the same fucking animal!  Those money grubbing fucks at the Henson Company wouldn't know the difference between AIDS and Cancer if their grandmammys were dying of it!.  They are so fucking stupid.  Kermit and Dermit are completely different characters.  Kermit says "Hi-ho" and Dermit says "Howdy-hi".  That shit is like night and day.  Who the fuck says "Hi-ho" anyway?  I'll tell you who, fucking retards, that's who! 

Howdy-hi! It's Dermit the Toad.

Sweet fucking Christ!  I should be Cease and Desisting them!  If anything, they are stealing from me!  Henson has not had an original idea in decades.  I am the creative God!  I am the artistic genius!  In my last show, I had some real fucking drama!  Actual Goddamn acting!  Dermit and his inter-species life-mate "Miss Piggilty" were having to deal with real world fucking issues!  Dermit was trying to kick his meth habit and Miss Piggilty was not fucking having it!  "You're my best mule Dermit!" screamed Piggilty "The only way you are getting out of the game is if I fucking let you out!".  That shit is fucking real!  The kids today need to know how the world really fucking works!

Miss Piggilty deals with real world fucking issues!

I've never seen the Muppets do anything even close to reality!  It's always friendship and teamwork and all that other Communist bullshit!  I bet you've never seen Gonzo disinfect a shiv wound with bleach.  I bet the Swedish Chef has never been accused of gay rape!  This is the shit today's kids have to fucking deal with.  I can't tell you how many dicks I have had to suck to buy felt for my masterful Moopput creations.  I bet Jim Henson never even sucked one dick!

Those fuckers can't stop me!  I am doing the children of the world a great fucking service!  If you want your kids to grow up thinking that life is full of fun and games and bullshit, then let them watch the Muppets.  If you want you kids to grow up strong and fucking street-smart, send them to me.  I will dazzle your tykes with my fucking brilliance.  Just remember, sometimes a pig puppet needs to trade a handjob for crack.  That's real life! 


-

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Let's Eat Those Leftovers!

I had plans to make a romantic meal for two today, but upon opening my wallet I discovered that I was dead broke. So instead I decided to make one of my all-time favorites, the leftover shake. This simple recipe never fails to please and can be made out of whatever you have lying around, so no shopping is required! And the application of a blender means that prep time is kept to a minimum, and the truly lazy will appreciate the total lack of chewing to devour it!





Okay, let's see what I have in the fridge. Some leftover pot roast with taters and carrots, the congealed remains of gravy, a week-old calzone, butter and sour cream (cause you gotta have dairy), some sunflower seeds, apple juice, and some sriracha sauce to add some kick.





Start with the solids. Here I added half a potato, a carrot piece, and a hunk of cold beef. God damn, this stinks like a liposuction clinic's dumpster. I thought about burying this mess in the back yard, but then I would be missing out on the rest of the hearty meal!





Holy dogtits that looks good! This calzone is a double mushroom with sausage, and I added a pad of butter to bind the whole fucker up... why the hell haven't I eaten this calzone already? Oh yeah, it made me sick as shit last week. Good thing the blender blades will kill whatever was crawling inside that cheap dough pocket.





And what would a pot roast/calzone meatshake be without a heaping spoonful of congealed gravy? Less delicious, that's what. Slop that shit in there like you mean it!





Now dribble in some sour cream and sriracha sauce to prove you have some class and aren't some kind of degenerate train hobo. The spice from the chili sauce will help kill off that calzone parasite, too.





It's time to top off the blender with some sweet, sweet apple juice. This bit is important to ensure a thorough blend and appetizing consistency. I added a small handful of unshelled sunflower seeds for texture. Not only does the salt season the shake to perfection, but tomorrow you will be taking shits that feel like they are made of crumpled-up sandpaper.





What's next? You guessed it... blend that bitch! Don't be shy, either. The longer the blend the less likely you will have any floating gristle from the pot roast and calzone sausage.





This is the most satisfying part of the preparation, in my humble opinion. The sound of pouring this slop into a glass gives me a boner while waking up my tastebuds at the same time!





And after a quick 30 seconds in the microwave your meal is ready. Here I garnish with an american cheese wedge, and add a straw for the kids. Goddamn delicious. I mean, when was the last time you ate a pot roast or a calzone through a straw? For me it was last Tuesday. And there is not any other way to get this much protein in a standard milkshake, unless you lose a finger in the blender. Mother would be proud that we hit all the food groups.  Just remember to eat it quick before the rich tan color turns to a stale green, which will happen fast, so... bottoms up!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Friday, March 23, 2012

D Hungry Gamz

Shelly "Sexty" Sanderson
So, lik evreebody I no is lik, totoley ecksited 4 dis, lik moV, D Hunger Games n junk.  All o my frenz lik, totoley red d books.  I jus cud not get tru dem.  Dey spelld wordz all weerd n big.  I ges dat iz how dey r sposed 2 tok n d fyoocher n junk.  Bt wen dey sed dey wer maken a moV 4 D Hunger Games I wuz all lik, "Waaaa?"

I jus don getit.  Y wood aneebodee wanna wach a moV bout hungree peepl?  Beeing hungree iz lik, totoley good  4 u n junk.  I totoley m lik, hungree all d tiem n my body iz lik totoley 2 hot 2 handel!  Dis moV lik, totoley lukz stoopid.

Bt I lik, wend 2 c it aneeway.  Dem peepl n d moV theetr r lik totoley azzhos.  I was like, txtn my bf n all dem peepl in d moV theetr lik totoley gotz mad at me.  Dey wer like, "turn offf yor phne bich!" n I wuz like, "FU! dis iz d usa u notsee!" 

Dey totoley made me ged out o d theetr.  I bet d moV theetr oner iz 100% a notsee.  Bt lik, heer iz my reevu nyway.  Dis like, grl namd Catnip lik iz hungree n lik her sis is like sposd 2 fite peepl 4 fud n junk.  Bt Catnip sayz shee wil fite d fud peepl.  Datz az far az i got.  Den dos notseez came in n wer lik, ruud 2 me.  So dis moV sux big tiem.  D actrs iz lik totoley f@ n dis moV 2.  So nasT.

BARF!  She iz sooo F@!

I wud h8t 2 liv n a fyoocher wer peepl r all f@ w/ fud.  dey wud look soooo nasT.  2 mch food makz u totoley f@ azd n junk.  D fyoocher is totoley gA.  I giv dis moovee a "G" 4 gA, cuz it wuz totoley gA.

Totoley Hot!

Twilit iz totoley a btr moV cuz dat grl nos how 2 not eet.  She iz totoley hot.  U can totoley C her bonz thru her closz.  Dat iz how peepl r sposed to be.  Hot n Sknnee.  N like dat vampr iz totoley skinnee hot 2 cuz drnkn blud iz totoley gud 4 u.  I wan mor Twilit moVees.

-

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Completely Offensive Thought Experiments

Tonight we take a look at a few thought experiments that are designed to help you learn more about yourself in the context of atrocious choices in which there is NO good answer or easy way out. When given a choice between good vs evil, life vs death, or hate vs love, the answer is easy. But we aim to make it just a little more difficult... and uncomfortable.





Thought Experiment #1: Would you rather have lifelong hiccups, or random uncontrollable diarrhea for a half-hour daily? The two sides each have their ups and downs. Sure, you could live your life almost exactly the same with hiccups as you do now, but you would be constantly distracted and may even become suicidal due to the annoyance. And while the hiccups would torment you constantly, you would only have to deal with the diarrhea for one half-hour each day, but it is random and unpredictable. Sure, sometimes it would come late at night or before you go to work in the morning, but what if it hits you while in a crowded elevator? Or while in an important business meeting? They each have their pitfalls.





Thought Experiment #2: If you were guaranteed you would never be exposed publicly, would you rather be an active zoophile, or an inactive pedophile? If you choose being a zoophile you would be better able to live with yourself (slightly) but think about it... YOU WOULD BE FUCKING ANIMALS! If you choose to be an inactive pedophile then you can rest assured that you were doing nothing illegal, and would be victimizing no child or animal, but think about it... YOU WOULD WANT TO FUCK CHILDREN! The thoughts going through your head would be terrible, and you may even collect illegal pornography. Again, not an easy choice.





Thought Experiment #3: (Disclaimer: This applies only to heterosexual men, and is in no way intended to disparage homosexuals. We at Popular Irony are not homophobes, and would gladly blow each other to prove it.) Would you rather have sex with one well-hung man 20 times over the course of a month, or have sex with 20 average-sized men all at once? Now this is MY thought experiment, so I make the rules. When I say "sex" I mean completely safe (no threat of STD) hardcore anal and oral, and to full completion. That's right, no man leaves unsatisfied. If you choose 1 man 20 times you could build a relationship, learn each other's wants and desires, and go at a comfortable pace. But you would have to drag out the unpleasantness for an entire month, and just imagine the horsecock... IMAGINE IT! If you choose to get it over all at once you would wake up tomorrow without having to worry about taking one in the ass, but you would have the horrifying memory and battle scars that come from a TWENTY-ON-ONE GANGBANG!

So there you have it. Three difficult questions that have no clear answer, unless you are very strange indeed. Please feel free to submit you answers and reasoning as a comment below, or submit your own completely inappropriate thought experiments via email at popularirony@gmail.com

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hello Young Lovers

Don't Let The Love Bug's Bite Get You in Trouble!


Public Demonstration of Affection Will Not Be Tolerated Here!



-

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

New Phleshlight Lineup! Cum And Get 'Em!

Calling all masturbators! Now announcing the new 2012 models of the most popular male sex aid in history, The Phleshlight! Our research and development team have been hard at work since last year to bring you the most "bang" for your buck with our new and innovative series, so take a gander and get your credit card ready, because you are going to need it!





The Inexperienced Girlfriend- Take yourself back to your first oral encounter... the nervous giggles, gentle touch, and excruciating toothy mess. This model is our first to feature rigid resin-cast teeth for the most genuine experience possible. Antibiotic topical cream not included.





The Phleshlight Mini (Lolita edition)- Here is your chance to explore your darkest desires in the safest possible way! Roughly half the size of our traditional Phleshlight, this version is a compact and victimless toy that any deviant can appreciate. Be prepared to submit a DNA sample for processing purposes before shipping, and just think... you might get to meet Chris Hansen!





The Shametorum- For the first time in our company's history we have received a production request from a prominent politician, Rick Santorum, and we just couldn't say no! This model is for the reluctant masturbator in all of us, and features the disapproving visage of Jesus Christ reminding us all to control our sinful urges. Our first Phleshlight without any openings, we are all reminded that the only hole we should be filling is the one in our soul!

Monday, March 19, 2012

BRONCOS!! BRONCOS!! BRONCOS!!

If Popular Irony had to pick a favorite NFL team, it would have to be the Denver Broncos.  This whole Peyton Manning thing is surprising news.  Frankly, we are happy to see it.  We would like to thank Peyton Manning for fucking Tim Tebow in his pious ass.  Here's to winning some football!! 


The name of this imaginary porn would be "4th Down and Long".




-

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Man, A Musket, And A Murder Vol 10

Bert came flying past the elevators and turned the corner just in time to see Vic smashing a full bottle of whiskey over the head of a much larger man, dropping him in the process. The lawyer was under a table, cowering in the face of the violent display. The fight wasn't over, but three men laid on the floor now with two others still looking to go home wearing at least some of Vic's blood. Bert darted past the men and grabbed the lawyer by the shirt, dragging him out of danger.

"What the fuck happened?" Bert screamed through the commotion.

"I don't know! Vic ordered a whole bottle and we started matching drinks, then I turned my back for six seconds and some guy started shouting at Vic about his wife. I didn't even have time to get out of the way before the guy threw a bar stool at us. I think I have a goddamn concussion!" The lawyer was nursing a visible bump on the side of his head.

Bert heard enough. He wasn't about to let Vic face another bar fight alone, not after he spent so many years regretting the last one. He charged back around the corner and tackled the first person he saw that wasn't wearing a filthy overcoat, and toppled to the ground with the man underneath him. A heavy boot came swinging past his face into the head of the man he took down and Bert felt him go limp underneath. He looked up to see a grimy hand extended toward him, and as he reached out to it Vic lifted him easily onto his feet.

"I'll be damned. Twenty years can do wonders to a man, eh Bert?" Vic was laughing despite his nose being clearly broken and laying flat against his face. "Where's the lawyer? He should probably settle the bill so we can get the fuck out of here."

"You sonovabitch! You pulled your cock out in front of my wife!" A man on the ground was mumbling through a broken jaw, only one side moving while the other dangled disobediently near his collarbone.

"Hey asshole, she ASKED to see it. Not my fault she was curious to see what a real man looked like. Maybe if you..." Vic's comeback was cut short by the fat, stubby hands of the mexican lawyer, who wasted no time yanking Vic out through the lobby and into the elevator.

"Jesus Christ, Vic. How the hell am I supposed to believe you didn't kill that whore after what I just witnessed?" The lawyer spat at him. Vic opened his mouth to speak, but held back a response as he realized how solid his logic was. "Now we had better talk quick, because that bottle is on my room tab, an it is only a matter of time before the cops come knocking on my door. Now here is what you are going to do, and it's non-negotiable. You will take a flight back to the city tonight and turn yourself into the police..."

"Like fuck I will." Vic interrupted. "What the hell good are you? I could have done that a week ago and saved us both a lot of time."

The elevator doors opened and the lawyer led the two men down the hall. "Shut up, Musket! You won't be in there for even three hours. I have spoken to the DA in your district and he will set your bail at $250k, which will be promptly paid by your good friend Bertram here." Bert swallowed audibly. "No worries. You will get your money back. I just need to buy us some time to mount a defense case. By the looks of it, this shit isn't going to be easy.

The lawyer opened up a door and revealed a beautiful suite, much nicer than the penthouse Vic was renting back in the city. After pulling some papers out of a dresser drawer the lawyer looked back to see Vic opening a fresh bottle of cognac.

"What? My last bottle got broke..." Vic said sheepishly.

"Take these. Two business-class tickets back to the city, leaving in... four hours. I suggest you get the fuck out of here, before you end up costing your friend even more bail money." The lawyer smartly gave the tickets to Bert. "And they won't let you on the plane if you are staggering drunk."

Vic guzzled down several mouthfulls, setting the bottle back on the liquor cabinet. "Fine. Then let's go."

The lawyer picked up the phone. "Take the service elevator. I will send someone up from the front desk, I will just tell them you are a famous client of mine that wants to avoid being recognized. That way you can avoid marching through the crime scene downstairs in the bar."

Vic was impressed. Maybe if he had a guy like this on his side ALL the time he wouldn't get into nearly as much shit as he did. But then again, some of his fondest memories end in blood being spilled...

To be continued...

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Drink 'til You Die

It's that time of the year when we celebrate the last bastion of ethnic stereotypes.  So polish your Shillelagh and light up your peat log and enjoy our latest offensive video.  (Whiskey not included)




Happy St. Patrick's Day!


-

Friday, March 16, 2012

Scum City Avengers - I Hope you Die


Greetings audiophiles to another one of Terlet's Musical Posts!  I know you are nibbling your tits in anticipation.......... Well wait no more!  I bring you another tasty track from the long dead Colorado band, The Scum City Avengers.  This little diddy is called "I Hope You Die".  You know why.........




Click here if'n you gots one o' dem fancy Ipads and the Flash is makin it all shit-tits.