Well it's time again to celebrate auto-erotica with this month's MEM, and we are sure to please with more exclusive content. This month we introduce a self-love relationship counselor segment with Dr. Lance Tenderman, explore the great moments in cinematic masturbation, and as always expand your technique with another installment of Diff'rent Strokes!
Tender Loving with Dr. Lance Tenderman
Greetings masturbation enthusiasts. I have joined ranks with Popular Irony to bring my relationship advice to the most common partnership in human sexuality, the individual masturbator. Allow me to attempt to describe your common masturbatory experience: Either early in the morning, or shortly before you go to bed you find yourself with an unexpected erection. You go into the shower and beat out a passionless utility ejaculation and clean up, slightly shamed at the experience and eager to put it behind you.
If this sounds like you then I can truly help make your sex life a more fulfilling and pleasurable practice. First, although sometimes one must rub out a quick one to get their head straight while on a long flight, or while stuck in gridlock rush-hour traffic, the majority of your jerks should be pre-planned and romantic experiences. The biggest indicator of a passionless relationship is a reluctance to look your partner in the eye.
My suggestion is to buy a full body-length mirror and position it in front of your recliner or bed, as your personal preference may vary. Give yourself a delicate rubbing, maintaining eye contact and coaxing yourself to near orgasm, only to draw back the friction to prolong the experience. Give it a good hour or so before allowing a gentle romance explosion. You will be glad you did, and I can assure you that your relationship with yourself will be a less shameful and more gratifying undertaking. Remember that if you aren't attractive and loving to yourself, you can't expect anyone else to be.
Although the film industry has artistic license to cover any and all aspects of sexuality, it rarely displays the most common sexual interaction, masturbation. Here are the top 5 cinematic masturbation scenes to date, but be warned, these scenes all take the culturally-irresponsible route of reinforcing personal shame in the masturbator by making them the subject of ridicule and shame by being interrupted or caught "in the act".
The Sawbuck - Pioneered by master magician Harry Houdini and recently discovered in a personal diary that the legend kept, this method is very mysterious, much as it's designer was. The erect shaft is seemingly split in two and separated, giving the masturbator a pleasurable and magical experience. The secret to this method is unknown, and should only be attempted by the most daring among us.