Diary Of A Degenerate 24

It has been said that death is the bringer of peace, but that is complete bullshit in my experience. I have seen three dead men and one dead woman in my days and they all looked like pain and distress. I looked down onto the distorted, jawless face of my victim that night and witnessed his surprise and post-mortem agony in overflowing quantities. And when I dreamed that night I made penance. I tried in vain to patch the hole in his face with endless handfuls of mud and sand only to watch it pour through the funnel of gore onto the steps below us. I didn't mean to save his life, but rather to save my own from the cancer of lifelong guilt, but it was proven futile when I awoke and saw Vanessa's pale nudeness reflected in the moonlight from outside the Burgess' cracked windows and realized what had been done.

It was strange because while I slept in short fits she was down deep, sleeping like I had never seen her manage before. The entire drive to my apartment had been a stressful and silent mess, but surprisingly Vanessa seemed totally calm. I had slain her personal boogeyman, and now bore the burden she carried for so many years before our paths crossed. My mind was running weary with thoughts of consequence which was contrary to my nature and the drink wasn't numbing the sound anymore. We must leave this ghetto sanctuary. I have to abandon my gun. We need to drain her father's bank accounts in the morning. I have to burn my bloody clothes. Anything to dodge my justice.


I got out of bed and poured a glass of whiskey. Vanessa had the good sense to grab some of her belongings as well as her father's cash and billfold complete with four signed blank checks, which was enough to get us far from here. I had two more days left on this week's rent at the Burgess but we had no intention of staying any longer, so as soon as Vanessa woke we would hit the road and get to her father's bank before the cops had time to monitor the accounts. I went for a piss and when I came back Vanessa was up and looking out the curtain-less window. I reminded her that a topless white woman in the ghetto was bullet bait, so we got dressed and left.


We arrived at the bank just as it was opening, and I waited in the car. Vanessa said they knew here here, and sure enough she walked back a half hour later with 40k in cash and a shit-eating grin to match. I had never seen money like that before. So much for any plausible legal argument for manslaughter or self-defense. Before leaving the state we decided to do some quick shopping, and Vanessa was so thrilled she decided to blow me while I drove. I almost killed us both and had to put a stop to it since she nearly bit my cock off when I had to suddenly hit the brakes.


She spent the next four hours buying mostly clothes, and I found a nice gutter to drop my revolver into. I had that gun since I was twenty and nearly cried when I heard it splash in the sewage below. Now my car was full of shopping bags and damning evidence and we still had no idea where to go from here, so we stopped at a fast food joint and ate our fill of discount tacos. There we sat in the car, a bag filled to the brim with $100 bills and we still ate like white trash. Fucking wild.

Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 9

Terlet and Hamtackle finally delve underground in search of treasure.  As always, they are ill-prepared.

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Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Spaghetti Again?

Eww! No No No NO!!  Don't let it touch me.  I don't care if you think it is cute.  Hose it off and I'll consider giving you false praise for your filthy loin leavings. 

What!?  You too!?  No, I would not like to meet your child.  What is it covered in?  It doesn't matter what it is because I won't be getting close enough to smell it.  Do all kids eat only spaghetti?

I'm gonna be sick.  Why does it have to laugh with every mouthful.  It is getting everywhere.  Why do you condone this action?  You laugh and encourage the filth?  Could you open that door for me I need to leave.  No, I won't touch the door knob myself.  This place reeks of infant plague.

OK.  Thanks.  It threw up, so I threw up.  I hope you are happy.  Good luck getting that red wine out of that rug.  That rug was fucked anyway.  Your kid is a walking dung mop.

Thanks for having me over.  Don't bother inviting me next time.  Your family is a mess and I hate you for it.

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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 8

Hamtackle and Terlet drink, swear and build a house.  Now with improved audio!!

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Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Sunshine Limited

I don't place much value in philosophy. It has never solved any problems, only created them. It has never served to concentrate understanding, only to dilute it. And in philosophical arguments no side is ever deemed to be wrong, just varying degrees of correct. But I still enjoy a good debate as long as both sides belly up to the bar with the agreed upon understanding that no progress will be made on either front.

This subject piqued my interest when I watched the HBO adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's play "Sunshine Limited". It features a professor (played by Tommy Lee Jones) discussing whether life is worth living with a makeshift preacher and savior (played by Samuel L Jackson) in the preacher's home shortly after interrupting his new friend's suicide attempt. At one point the preacher accuses the professor of seeing only the shadows, and not realizing he is the one casting them. Whoa. Deep shit.


It got me thinking. The preacher claims he can see the darkness that his friend is dwelling in. He does not deny the professor his world view, just the cynical blinders he sees it with. The preacher is not a saintly figure. He is, in fact, a convicted murderer and former drunkard, and believes he has lived farther in the darkness than the professor ever will. But he thinks there is more to the world than just the shadows, and the professor just needs to turn around to see the light that is shining behind him. The almighty is offering a gift of everlasting life, and all that needs to be done is to accept it and believe that his soul is worth embracing, not because he is deserving of that embrace, but because the cost of the gift has already been paid by his savior. But the light at the professor's back is giving him no warmth, so it apparently goes unnoticed, and the professor must be so content in his world view that he will keep walking forward, staring into his own shadow until he meets his dismal end.


The story does a great job of convincing the viewer that the preacher is making headway in the argument. He walked through the shadows himself just to find that it is possible to simply turn around and bask in the warm light. And he tries desperately, but not forcefully, to appeal to the professor's will to live. But the debate is not so simple.


The professor listens carefully, and plays the role of the student for a long while. But when he speaks he makes his own perspective seem equally real. He is an educated man, and he carries the burden of high intellect. He wishes for the darkness. He is not walking with his view buried deep in his own shadow, but rather he is marching into the light with his eyes open to the brightness of knowledge, and the sadness, contempt, and hate that makes up the matrix of our reality. He explains that he is beyond saving by the very terms of the preacher's misguided faith, and even if he could believe, he has, as did Adam and Eve, committed the original sin of eating from the tree of knowledge. The flaw in the argument for the professor is in it's very premise. Far from secretly desiring the gift of eternal life that is being offered by the unapparent creator, he desires only nothingness. And in his death he hopes with every fiber of his being that nothingness will be his destination, because anything more would be too big of a disappointment for him to bear.


Ultimately neither man is able to persuade the other, as is the hallmark of any philosophical discussion, and the viewer is left to determine whether the depressing ending is more of a failure for the preacher or a validation for the professor. I certainly have my own personal leanings, which I would share with you if it would do either of us any good. But it wouldn't.


 

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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 7

Hamtackle brings a filthy thought experiment and Terlet makes wood do that wall thing.  This episode contains far too much dick and cock talk.

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Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/


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Scum City Avengers - Anthem

Boy Howdy!  I am almost out of Scum City Avengers songs.  What the fuck am I gonna do when I don't feel like putting any work into a post?  Well shit.  This song is called Anthem.  It's an anthem or some such thing.  Enjoy!

This is the click place. The place where you click for song. Make click now.

This Sausage

Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 6

Terlet struggles pathetically with simple structures.  Hamtackle drinks his whiskey and tells a story about home invasion by army men as a child.  Continued classiness.

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Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/

Diary Of A Degenerate 23

I have no excuses. I had plenty of time to think the whole thing through. But I still grabbed my revolver from under the passenger seat of my car and headed back up the stairs. There was the sound of muffled crying and the whispers of consolation as I started the climb, and as I leaned over the railing to look up I could see the heel of a bare foot peeking out. Daddy was there, trying to be her rock. Pretending he wasn't the source of all Vanessa's fucked up thoughts, the reason she would give herself up to a man like me.


When I turned the corner of the level below them he turned back and looked at me. I'm pretty sure he saw the gun right away, because he just sat there with his mouth open. He was between me and Vanessa now, but he kneeled and she sat, so he was raised up over her a foot or two. I raised the gun and pulled the trigger.


I was as shocked as he was when the hammer dropped on an empty chamber, and for a moment he looked relieved. He brought his hand up in protest as I pulled the hammer up again and fired. The round thundered through the enclosed space of the stairwell and split his hand between the ring and middle finger. Vanessa's sobbing turned instantly to shrieking as her father slumped over her backwards, his back arching in a way that would have been incredibly painful for a man his age if he weren't already stone dead. I took the last few steps up the stairs to see if he needed finishing off, but the round had entered his face at the chin and I could see the white surface of the stairs on the other side. So I grabbed him by his shredded hand and pulled him off of Vanessa, who seemed to still be screaming except all I could hear was my heartbeat and a ringing sound now.


She rose up to her feet and hugged me around the shoulders, pinning my arm and the gun at the end of it to my waist. "We have to go" I said, "the car is downstairs." Her screaming was now labored breathing, and she nodded her approval of the plan. But just as I started leading her down the stairs she pulled her hand free. "Wait! I will be right back!" and started hurdling up the stairs two at a time in her bare feet. I wasn't giving her much time since I didn't feel like dying in prison, so I went for the car. I stashed the gun back under the seat and started the engine. The exit from the parking lot looked exactly like salvation, a womb to crawl into and escape the ugliness outside, but I didn't race for it. I waited.


After a few seconds that seemed like ten minutes Vanessa came running out of the alley between the two buildings with a garbage bag spilling over with clothes, and leapt into the open door at my side as the engine roared and we made our escape. She was crying silently now and gripped my arm so tight that I struggled to work the shifter, and I looked down at the top of her head as it rested on my bicep, the same spot where, just a few weeks ago, she had stabbed me in my sleep. The world is a truly fucked up place.


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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 5

Terlet sings off key to annoy Hamtackle.  The usual arguing, foul language and lack of progress follows.

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Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/


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