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Cyrus T. Gentle

Hey there Scrappy!  Yeah you, the shaggy one.  What's with them hairs there son?  What's the deal?  You tryin' to be a lady?  You got a giny tucked up under them dungarees?  You lookin' forward to the day you sprout them big beautiful breasts?  .... No?  A boy you say?  MHU HA HA HA!  You looks like a girly, son!  A fuckin' girly!

Why don't ya come inside and take a seat.  We'll fix yer gender right quick.  Come on now son... Come on inside, I ain'ta bitecha one bit.  You are makin' an embarassment of yourself son.  What you think people'r gonna say when they see's me, a respectable elder of this here fine town, chattin' it up with a lil' girly like some weirdo?  You gonna ruin my reputation son!  Now get in here and be barbered!

You don't want a haircut?  But it's all uh,... bushy.... you know... like a girly. ......  You don't want to cut it because it's yer look?  .... One Direction?  What's a One Direction? .... Harry Styles?  Son, whoever this Harry Styles is, she must be one hideous fuck.  Now let me slap yer scalp with a classic, a Bogart or a Cary Grant.. Something witha' discernible hairline.

Yer mom likes yer hair you say?  Well, I bet yer dad likes men.  You have intensely assholelish lookin' hair there son.  Now come inside before I start to lose my temper and I pound fifty shades of gay into yer puckered little giny! ....  What did you say ya lil' sumbitch!?  What!!?  I'ma' the one who's confused about my sexuality!?  ME!?  Come ere' ya lil' shit taster!  I'lla' crush ya'! Crush ya and kiss yer shameful face!!  You run like a girly!

Hey you Fatty!  Yeah you, the big fat fuck!  You wanna haircut!?



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Happy New Beard!

We at Popular Irony have been innundated by frantic messages and email wondering what the fuck happened to us, and why we have failed to deliver quality comedic content in the past several months.

There are several answers to these questions, and all of them are complicated.  Terlet opened his home to his friends following a disaster in our local area, and Hamtackle quit his job and grew a hobo beard.  Again.  Now a new year is upon us, and we have decided to each make post of our new year's resolutions.  I, Hamtackle, will start it off.

I have two simple resolutions, the first of which is to gain fifty pounds by the end of the year.  This is hard to do quickly, but I have my methods.  I will post a follow-up when I complete this goal.  The second is much simpler.  Eradicate the hobo beard.

I took to the shears and eliminated three months of growth in one fell swoop, nearly severing my jugular in the process.  I made it out ok, but the beard didn't.  Here it is in all its glory.

I figured this photo didn't do it justice, so here is the beard spread out to show its full girth.

I contacted the good people at Locks Of Love to see if they were interested in a donation.  They said beard hair is not suitable for wigs.  I figured they weren't well-known in the merkin industry, so I tried to change their minds by demonstrating how dashing a beard wig could be.

But they didn't return my email.  I can tell when I'm not wanted, so I had to find another way to dispose of this beard.  Usually your whiskers just wash down the drain when you shave regularly, but a beard this pervasive is a different thing altogether.  You can't just throw something this magnificent away, so I had to get creative.

And so it came to be, that my beard was given a proper viking burial.  A fitting end for a noble ball of human hair.  Be at peace, my friend.  Be at peace…




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Master Bastard #15 - Lyons Flood Part 2

After a 3 month hiatus, the Bastards are back with an episode recorded 3 months ago!  Why didn't this come out 3 months ago?  Fuck you, that's why.

 Check out this episode!

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes, that would be just dandy.


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Master Bastard #14 - Lyons Flood Part 1

Disaster strikes the Bastards!  Their home town of Lyons, Colorado has flooded!  Listen to their epic tales of survival and pooping in roughly dug holes!

 Check out this episode!

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!




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Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater - #13 - Knife Fight!

Welcome to Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater!  Today we have the elegant pairing of the audio from Master Bastard #13 and the video from the 1961 public domain movie, "Creature from the Haunted Sea".  Hamtackle, Terlet, Sir Chapsworth and Ramtang podcasted and thems feels good.

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!




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Master Bastard #13 - Knife Fight!

The Bastards mix an elegant drink... The Knife Fight.  Don't try this at home.

Check out this episode!

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!



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Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater - #12 - Sardausage

Welcome to Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater!  Today we have the elegant pairing of the audio from Master Bastard #12 and the video from the 1932 public domain movie, "Freaks".  Hamtackle, Terlet, Sir Chapsworth and Ramtang slopped out some podcast, give it a taste!?

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!



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Peyton The Raven Rapist

I am a Broncos fan. Since I was born. It has not always been easy, we have had some terrible seasons over the years. But I always cheered for them, whether we win or lose. Sometimes I think I care too much about the games, and when they lose it fucking ruins my day. And there are Raiders fans that live in this orange and blue state (for the life of me I couldn't tell you why), and they always get to talk shit when we fail, usually without any repurcussions since their team always sucks ass.

But tomorrow I feast on the tears of the Bronco hating bastards at work. Sure it was the first game of the season. Sure there is a long way to go. But these assholes delighted in their celebration when the Baltimore Ravens stole the superbowl that was rightfully ours last season, and they will hear from me tomorrow. "And by the way," I will tell them, "we play the Raiders in our next home game. Care to make a gentleman's bet?" And they will sheepishly laugh and decline.

In case you don't follow the NFL, tonight the Denver Broncos stomped the superbowl champion Baltimore Ravens 49 - 27, and gave away 7 points on a fumbled punt inside the five, and gave back 7 points on a dropped ball after an interception. Peyton Manning tied an NFL record with 7 touchdowns, a feat that hasn't been done since 1969. And all this without our two best defensive players, Champ Bailey and Von Miller. Joe Flacco earned his 120 million dollar contract the hard way tonight, as he was held down and forced to toss Manning's sweaty salad at altitude, and I loved every minute of it.

I will be honest, though. This post was either going to be an angry rant about the mistakes we made, the bad calls by the refs, and petty name calling directed at Flacco, or it would be this. Now I pursue sleep, dear audience, sleep that will be punctuated by dreams of a Broncos superbowl.

You must be at least this tall to blow me.

 

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Master Bastard #12 - Sardausage

Ramtang is back and Sir Chapsworth, Hamtackle and Terlet are ready to get sweaty!  The Bastards eat Vienna Sausages and Sardines, swap vomit stories, read some twitter and whip out the sports chat on 92.2 The Beast!  RAAAARRR!!
 

Check out this episode!

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!



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Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater - #11 - Gefilte FIsh, Paraphilia, Snuff and Mom's Love

Welcome to Master Bastard Public Domain Podcast Theater!  Today we have the elegant pairing of the audio from Master Bastard #11 and the video from the 1962 public domain movie, "Eegah".  Hamtackle, Terlet, Sir Chapsworth and Ramtang made a podcast now it's itchin' to get up in ya!

PopularIrony.com
Email - TheBastards@MasterBastard.com
Twitter - @MasterBastards
RSS - http://masterbastard.libsyn.com/rss
Please subscribe to Master Bastard on Itunes and give us a 5 Star review!



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