Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 19

The diamond hunting contest continues!  Who will win the privilege of murdering their play-buddy, Terlet or Hamtackle?  Tons of hot, underground action!

Want that Texture?:  http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/513093-32x16x142-dokucraft-the-saga-continues/


Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Drunker Than Light - Episode 2

Terlet and Hamtackle play their Faster Than Light drinking game with guest boozes Hamm's Premium and Old Crow.  It tastes bad.... Very bad. 

 

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Diary Of A Degenerate 26

Once we were both dressed, Vanessa in one of her favorite new dresses and me in a ratty standby shirt and jeans, we called a cab to drive us over to a local bar. Now that we had the money to take taxis we made sure to do so whenever taking a short trip. A simple traffic stop might land us in jail with just enough time for a murder arrest. We tipped generously, took a short ride to the bar, and made sure to get the driver's personal number for the return trip. If you pay well, they will always be on time.

Vanessa immediately wanted to leave for precisely the reasons that I wanted to stay. The place was filled with professional drinkers and lowlifes, with a restroom door that was hanging on by one hinge, a couple that appeared to be fucking in the back booth, a man with swollen eyes and a broken nose backwashing blood into his beer, and a bartender that swayed like a man that measured his tips in one ounce increments. My kind of place. I sat at the bar and put my jacket down on the stool next to me for Vanessa since she wore a short dress that would make her big ass peek out when she sat, and I didn't want her getting pregnant off of whatever cocktail of filth might be growing on the faux leather beneath her. She always kept the money, but it didn't bother me as she ordered herself a gin and tonic, and me a bottle of irish whiskey and a dry glass.


I poured slightly faster than I drank it, and shared some with the bartender who confided in me that I "had the prettiest girl that had ever walked into this bar, I shit you not!" Once Vanessa started catching up on drinks she began to get a little more comfortable and started absorbing the compliments from the barkeep, as women always do. I got sick of listening to them so I went and stared into the jukebox list, finally deciding on a James Brown song that I don't think I ever heard before. The music was good and loud, enough to drown out the voices in the bar. So I listened and decided on a few more tunes, queued them up and pushed my way through the broken bathroom door to awkwardly piss one-handed while balancing a glass of booze.


When I walked back out Vanessa was waiting outside the door. "I wanna leave. Let's go" she said abruptly. I explained that I wasn't even halfway through the bottle she bought me, and still had two songs left on the box to play, but I could tell there was something wrong.


"The bartender" I said. The pleading look in her eyes told me everything. She had the same look when I shot her father, the one that begged me not to do anything but secretly wished I would. "Alright, alright..." I said "There's a payphone out front, call the cabbie to take us back to the hotel. But I'm NOT leaving without the whiskey." She took a few quick steps to the door, averting her eyes from the bar. I grabbed the bottle off the bar and leaned over to the barkeep and asked "What do I owe you, guy?" He must have not heard me well over the music and said "Hey listen, buddy... she's a fucking liar. If I wanted a piece I wouldn't just grab for it, I would talk to her pimp first" and poked his finger at me. I didn't have time to think. I just swung the bottle through the air and contacted his temple with an audible "ping" like a homerun off an aluminum bat. It wasn't like in the movies, a bottle has a lot more strength than that. It bounced off his head and nearly out of my hand, but didn't break, and he went crashing to the floor behind the bar in a motionless heap.


I thought about jumping the bar and giving him some more, but I quickly became aware that everyone had stopped what they were doing and were now staring at me. So I marched out the front door to Vanessa hanging up the phone. "You didn't say anything, did you?" she asked. "About what?" I was playing stupid. "Let's go for a walk and find another bar. It's a nice night and you look too good to keep to myself." I said. "But the cab is coming!" Vanessa protested. "Fuck the cab. Come on." And down the street we went.


 

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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 18

Hamtackle and Terlet discover a nearby Zombie Spawner packed full of crappy treasure.  They need only 2 more diamonds to make an energy condenser.  A challenge is issued!  The first one to find a diamond gets to choose the manner of death for the other.  Go Teamwork!!

Want that Texture?:  http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/513093-32x16x142-dokucraft-the-saga-continues/


Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Terlet's Comic Book Bullshit - December 2012

Hey folks, Terlet here.  Once a month, I receive a shipment of comic books and comic book related merchandise from the Discount Comic Book Service, http://www.dcbservice.com/.  Oh, what a lovely day it is!  Do you know why?  Because TODAY is fucking comic book day!  Oh joy!

In the last couple of years, I have been trying to wait for the trade paperbacks (collected editions) rather than purchase the monthly 22 page floppy comics.  I've got box upon box of floppys clogging up the basement.  Oh, but the trades, the trades go on the bookshelf.  So much nicer to display and access than cardboard long boxes.  I have become acclimated to waiting for 6 months to a year after the floppy is released to purchase the trade and finally read the story.

During my 25 years of comic book "collecting" I have not taken very good care of my books.  Don't get me wrong, for the first 10 years, I bagged and boarded everything.  Then I discovered that all of my 70's 80's and 90's comics weren't worth shit!  They print so many of the fucking things that there is rarely anything of any lasting value.  Once I read them, they go into a box and get shoved into the crawl space.

I know, I know, these days there is an occasional Image #1 that goes for a shit ton on Ebay.  There are some low print run comics that are unexpected successes.  There are still valuable, collectible comics being produced.  That being said, I buy what I want to read rather than what I think will be "collectible".  Sometimes to my disadvantage, I read a first print of Chew #1 in the fucking bath tub.  I thought it was going to be worth toilet paper like all of the DC and Marvel comics I buy.  Whoops!

Well, let's see what we got.

First up, the floppies.  Yes, I still buy the occasional floppy.  How would I know if I wanted to wait for the trade or not.

We got Marvel Comics - A+X.  One of the pseudo-reboot/jumping-on-point thingys for Marvel NOW.  I used to be a huge DC nerd.  I knew that universe inside and out.  Then DC eradicated all of continuity last year with The New 52!  I was excited for it, but it's not for me.  All of my copious DC knowledge is now moot.  Tim Drake was never Robin?  Fuck me.  I'm glad Marvel is not erasing their in-comic history.  Makin' me a Marvel Zombie and shit.

Then we got a He-Man spinoff comic.  The Origin of Skeletor.  Why the fuck not?

I got the DCBS exclusive cover of Judge Dredd #1.  Judge Dredd is pretty damn entertaining.  This is the first time I have seen Judge Dredd published by IDW.  It could be interesting or it could be an embarrassment. 


Next up we have the DC and Marvel half of the trade paperbacks. 

One of the only DC titles I have been looking forward to recently.  All Star Western.  This trade contains the first 6 issues of the monthly floppys.  It's motherfucking Jonah Hex in an old west Gotham City.  What more could you want?

Next is Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe.  It is an out of continuity story that is not safe for kids.  In it, Deadpool murders the entire Marvel Universe.  Yup, that's right.  Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Wolverine, all fucking DEAD!  I am looking forward to it.

I read the first issue of Saucer Country several months ago.  While I was not impressed by the first issue, I will buy almost anything by Paul Cornell.  He's just good.  This is about a lady running for president and being abducted by aliens, I know, absurd right!?  A woman president.


Next is all the other publishers that are not Marvel or DC.  DC and Marvel make up about 70% of the comic book marketplace.  The remaining 30% is split between Image, IDW, Dark Horse, dozens of smaller companies and Garth Ennis torture porn comics. (I love Crossed)

The Strain by Dark Horse comics.  It looks like the script is by Guillermo Del Toro but the comic is by Davip Lapham.  It's a new take on survival horror that is supposed to be a trilogy of books.  It's kinda a vampire/Zombie/disease monster comics.  Infection spreads, yadda yadda, infectious tongue stingers, etc, worldwide epidemic blah blah blah.  Looks awesome.

Then it's Godzilla.  IDW recently acquired a partnership with Toho co..  So now they are publishing Godzilla comics like a motherfucker.  Some are good, some aren't.  I don't know which camp this one falls in.  Either way it should hold me over until that gorgeous Godzilla Half Century War is released.  That shit is drawn by James Stokoe.  That shit is going to be amazing.  This one looks.... OK.

Ragemoor by Dark Horse comics looks awesome.  The interior is in black and white but it only adds to atmosphere of the book.  I read the first issue and really enjoyed it.  Creepy ancient living castle and the goings on inside.  Good fun!

And finally, The Walking Dead volume 17.  You fucking know what this is.  Yeah, it's still going on.  Truthfully, *********Spoilers**********  I'm fucking bored. 

Well that's enough of that!  I gotta get to reading.  See you next month!


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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 17

Terlet deals with dog farts and semen substitutes.  Hamtackle troubleshoots machinery and murders Terlet.  Where's Harvey Dent!?

Want that Texture?:  http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/513093-32x16x142-dokucraft-the-saga-continues/


Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Films For Fiends: Guinea Pig 3

It's time again for me to help our readers to vicariously experience the pale, white underbelly of shock horror cinema through my desensitized eyes. Tonight I bring you the third film in the Guinea Pig series, "He Never Dies". I am starting to develop a soft spot for shitty, gory japanese flicks, and judging by the title this one promises not to disappoint.

The opening breaks from the series' norm of establishing some kind of documentary-style realism in the story, although it is presented as fact by some english speaking presenter because, you know, white people never lie. Just ask the indians. But any illusion of reality is shattered by the format which tries to make you forget that a guy filming himself in his apartment wouldn't have fades, panning shots, or angle changes.

We greet our nameless protagonist in the act of slashing his wrists with a box cutter. But what drives a man to this kind of desperation? Glad you asked. He works in some stereotypical cubicle farm circa the early 1990's, complete with overbearing and demanding boss. His coworkers shit all over him and don't socialize, setting the scene for either a suicide case or a workplace spree-killer. But first he takes the natural approach of skipping work and becoming a shut-in. Been there. Then after deciding that his colleagues have forgotten about him, he decides to kill himself. The flick then showcases its amazing special effects by showing the blade cutting deep into his wrist, lifelike blood and sinew visible through the wound, but after some tense moments... nothing happens. The bleeding stops, and our anti-hero proclaims that he must be immune to pain, jamming his fingers into the slit and digging deeper.

Now, after discovering that you are impervious to pain and death, what would you do? Become a high-priced political assassin? A movie stuntman? A cage fighter, perhaps? Not this guy. He decides to push the limits on his body's invulnerability by severing his hand at the wrist and slicing his throat. Luckily he is able to retain some basic use of his hand after duct taping it back on, and decides to reach out to one of his work contacts to get more implements to test his physical limits with, namely some gardening shears and a hatchet, which he has delivered to him in the middle of the night.

When his former work buddy shows up he wastes no time in giving a bloody exhibition show, gutting himself hara kiri style and throwing his intestines at the screaming man until his body cavity contained only a rib cage and spinal column. Strangely, the movie ends when a woman enters the apartment to find the protagonist reduced to only a wise-cracking severed head on a table, and immediately begins cleaning the gore from the room for an unexplained reason.

Ultimately this movie was a big disappointment. I have come to expect brutal and relentless violence from this series, but this sequel was far more lighthearted and tame by comparison. Gone are the dark themes of murder and torture, replaced with self-mutilation by a character that is unable to even feel the pain. And can someone please explain to the producers that I cannot maintain an erection when you keep putting wacky hijinks in the middle of the gory scenes? Damn. I had high hopes for this one.


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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 16

Terlet continues his work on the automatic egg farm while Hamtackle wires up some machinery.  Lots of shit talking and creatively filthy taunting.  You know, the usual.

Drunker Than Light - Episode 1

Hamtackle and Terlet take a test drive of their new Faster Than Light drinking game!  Today's featured booze is Hamm's Premium and Old Crow.  Filthy and disgusting.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 15

Terlet sings.... way too much.  Seriously... Way too much.  The ground work for an egg farm is laid. Huh huh.....  Laid.  The meaning of life is discovered (false advertising)

Want that Texture?:  http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/513093-32x16x142-dokucraft-the-saga-continues/


Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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