Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 34

Hamtackle and Terlet continue building their cactus farm.  It's pretty damn wonderful.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Here is a Gif....That is all. - Face Smash

I love the movie Kung Fu Hustle.  It is hilarious and bad-ass.  So here is a Gif.

That is all.



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Faith Based Business Consulting Inc

The economy is rough out there. Businesses are closing their doors at an alarming rate, and only those on the cutting edge of financial theory are finding their piece of the ultimate commodity that we call appreciating solvency. The good news is that the answer has been sitting right under our noses since the dawn of mankind. Faith.

That's right. You probably spent countless hours and untold thousands of dollars analyzing market data, consumer confidence, and financial projections just to find your business unable to gain foothold on the slippery slope of success. And for every breakthrough there seems to be two obstacles, like an immortal serpent sprouting heads from every bleeding wound. But mankind has known these struggles before, and has always bested them with the application of a market principle we have named "ignorant certainty". This cultural tool is what motivated entire continents to wage brutal war for generations fueled by nothing more than an imagined sense of superiority and entitlement. The same tool that drove whole civilizations to doom themselves to famine and suffering in the pursuit of the construction of massive monuments to pay tribute to unseen deities. And now that same power that organized millions to move mountains can be yours with a simple call to Faith Based Business Consulting Inc.

But how do we ensure results without evidence? By liquidizing your entire business analytics model and operational computing practices, that's how. For far too long businesses have bowed down to the almighty spreadsheet, trusting it's unreliable, unpredictable, and unresponsive "figures" to drive their investment decisions, turning their backs on the very principle that separated us from the animals and gave humanity a stranglehold on earth. It's time to stop spending money with your brain and start earning money with your heart.

With a simple phone call we will send over one of our licensed analysts to visit your operational facilities and perform a series of meditative sessions and animal sacrifices to ensure you have the best possible options to drive your business forward, covering all facets of your business from staffing to advertising. And the best part is that all costs of implementation are absorbed by the vast savings you will experience by eliminating rational procedural expense optimization efforts, and if you market your new policy of ignorance well enough, your business might even qualify for federal tax-exempt status! There is literally NO downside!

So call us now and we will put you on the same path of historic success that gave us the Roman empire, the pyramids in Egypt, and every war in recorded history... Faith!

The term "faith-based" implies a disregard for normal consulting practices. Any guarantees of success are offered with an assumption of diligent and honest belief in the soundness of the program, and any failures are assumed to be driven by a lack of proper faith. FBBC Inc. denies any wrongdoing or responsibility in the supposed formation of tertiary cult-like organizations that are actively practicing ritualized torture or ethnic cleansing. Due to the open admission of a complete lack of evidence for successful consulting experience FBBC Inc. enjoys immunity from punitive legal pursuits. Because the market works in mysterious ways, believe at your own risk.

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Drunker Than Light - Episode 7 (Sir Chapsworth's 1st Try Boss Run, Part 3 of 3)

Sir Chapsworth completes his beginners luck dash to the end boss.  Hamtackle and Terlet end up drinking far too much and lightweight Terlet slurs, whines and screams like a precious drunken baby.  Drunker Than Light; Youtube's premiere Faster Than Light drinking game.

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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 33

Hamtackle and Terlet take a break from fighting evil Nazis to build a Cactus Farm.  Happy Fun Times ensue.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/




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Omegle Again!

We know you love it, so here is another Omegle post!  Hot Troll on Troll action!  Our responses are the absurd ones in blue text!



Sometimes I wish there were time stamps on Omegle.  The chat below lasted about 20 minutes and it was a very one sided conversation. Each of my comments were about 2 minutes apart.  Sometimes patience doesn't pay off.

This is a different kind of Omegle conversation.  A third person submits a question and watches 2 other people answer/debate it. 

 This was my favorite one of the night.  Knocked that fucker out of the park!

It said that the other person was typing the entire time, but they never gave me a response.  I really wanted to know what they'd prefer.

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Alienating Strangers With Omegle

It's that time again, when we take to the internets to abuse and disgust strangers on Omegle! So without further ado, I present you with our most recent awkward online conversations. And as always, our responses are the absurd ones in green text!

That went well. I'm pretty sure this was either an incredibly sad obese man or a bot. Here's hoping for the former!

 

 

I must admit I didn't expect to get a willing buyer so fast. Now I have this baby all boxed up and waiting for an address to send it to.

 

 

God damn it! This guy is probably using a pic of this conversation to leverage his own meaningless and unsatisfying internet fame! No fucking fair, asshole!

 

 

Nothing like a manufactured crisis to bring out the best in the online community. Now I need to secure a good lawyer, just to be safe.

 

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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 32

Hamtackle and Terlet take you on a brief tour of their latest Grinder Tower before gathering their muskets and hunting Hitler.  After that is something truly terrible.  I mean, really messed up.  So extremely politically incorrect it will make you vomit with rage.  No, I'm serious.  It's F'd up.  Continued classiness...

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Kim Jong-un Is The Greatest!!

Have you heard about Kim Jung-un?  What!?  Of course you have, Kim Jong-un is a great leader!  The absolute greatest of leaders!  He is also one of the finest specimens of masculinity to ever grace the earth.  He is fucking majestic and mythical, like a unicorn.... no.. better yet, like a motherfucking Manticore!  A lion's body with a human head!

A deadly Manticore with it's poison tail and lethal claws.  Sometimes Manticores come with motherfucking bat wings.  I know, right?!  

He could also be a noble Centaur.  The body of a horse with the torso of a man.  There is no sexier animal than a horse and there is no sexier man than Kim Jong-un.  It all makes sense... The strength, the majesticness, the silky mane.  Could you imagine if he let you ride him?  Oh, what dreams, what dreams I have!!

The most likely scenario is that he is probably a Titan!  A true giant of a man.  A god like powerhouse of lava and fire!  I bet they have to use some of those Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings, forced perspective techniques when filming him.  Everyone has to walk on stilts to keep up the illusion.  I heard he once ate an entire village of traitors in one afternoon!  His hunger, much like his patriotism and power, are boundless.

They claim that North Korea set off another nuke recently, but that was just a cover.  North Korea does not want the world to know that the tremors were actually caused by Kim Jong-un exploring the limits of his martial arts abilities.  The explosion was caused by Kim punching the ground at half power.  One day he will use his Kryptonian abilities to right all the wrongs of the world.  But for now he must be careful when handling anything delicate.  His slightest twitch could crush an adoring baby like crepe paper.

Kim Jong-un is also the worlds greatest lover.  But that's pretty obvious, isn't it?    

Pope Resigns Amid Controversy

The vatican is defending against various allegations of wrongdoing and intrigue as pope Benedict XVI announced he plans to resign at the end of this month from the most holy of positions within the catholic church this morning. The historic decision is far from routine as the last papal resignation occurred nearly 600 years ago, and comes after an 8 year reign that many are calling "disastrous". And with record declines in mass attendance and an overall abandonment of belief, paired with worldwide controversy over child abuse sandals and alleged coverups that are being tracked all the way to Benedict himself, the conspiracy theories are piling up.

The church issued a public statement to the vatican press that immediately dismissed speculation that Benedict was pressured to resign in favor of a pope with a "less terrifying smile", perhaps less reminiscent of a bloodthirsty undead leper. And the wild speculation does not end there.

An anonymous insider source was quoted to have evidence that Benedict was involved in the tracking and attempted acquisition of a famous holy artifact, the arc of the covenant. In an interview transcript released this afternoon the source alleges that Benedict laid claim to "intimate knowledge of nazi wartime research detailing the whereabouts of the most powerful military technology ever devised, the divine gift of the arc itself." And having failed to produce evidence to satisfy doubts within the structure of the church, was ushered out amid a smokescreen of medical reasons for his resignation. As of yet there has been no official response from the vatican on this matter.

Regardless of the reasoning for his premature departure, the world now awaits one of the most celebrated bureaucratic selection processes the world has ever produced: the papal conclave. For those unfamiliar with the ceremony from the April 2005 election that produced Benedict XVI, much ritualistic splendor is to be admired by the outside world. The college of cardinals will convene at the basilica of St. Peter to meet behind closed doors to operate the grand ouija, a lavishly decorated divination tool that requires the full effort and concentration of no less than 43 of the most decorated and trusted cardinals within the church. The men all struggle to force the pointer to spell out their own names, often resulting in many useless strings of nonsensical letters that are dismissed as "interference of the serpent" and causing delays that can grow to weeks of near constant debate and pleading.

Then after a legible name is either agreed upon (or more likely stumbled upon), the moment is communicated to the outside world by way of a small column of colored smoke spouted from the roof of the church. Then the race is afoot to find the new pope and promote him to the the closest position to god possible by mortal man, often complicated by the likelihood of other religious affiliation by the new appointee. But the church has never yet failed to convert or convince the new pope to accept the nomination, commonly through financially persuasive methods.

So the hunt begins to find the next person to wield the ridiculously lofty claims of infallibility and divine communication. Perhaps this time the pope will use this power to lead the masses from their lowly depths of ignorance and intolerance, and eliminate corruption and human rights abuses that occur both around the world and within the core of their very own institution. Or perhaps they will continue to lead the catholic church into increased irrelevance, lost in the shadow of the memory of a once-powerful institution. Either way, non-believers everywhere get to enjoy a world bereft of a figurehead that insists they speak directly to, and for, god himself. However briefly.

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