Monday, February 18, 2013

Faith Based Business Consulting Inc

The economy is rough out there. Businesses are closing their doors at an alarming rate, and only those on the cutting edge of financial theory are finding their piece of the ultimate commodity that we call appreciating solvency. The good news is that the answer has been sitting right under our noses since the dawn of mankind. Faith.

That's right. You probably spent countless hours and untold thousands of dollars analyzing market data, consumer confidence, and financial projections just to find your business unable to gain foothold on the slippery slope of success. And for every breakthrough there seems to be two obstacles, like an immortal serpent sprouting heads from every bleeding wound. But mankind has known these struggles before, and has always bested them with the application of a market principle we have named "ignorant certainty". This cultural tool is what motivated entire continents to wage brutal war for generations fueled by nothing more than an imagined sense of superiority and entitlement. The same tool that drove whole civilizations to doom themselves to famine and suffering in the pursuit of the construction of massive monuments to pay tribute to unseen deities. And now that same power that organized millions to move mountains can be yours with a simple call to Faith Based Business Consulting Inc.

But how do we ensure results without evidence? By liquidizing your entire business analytics model and operational computing practices, that's how. For far too long businesses have bowed down to the almighty spreadsheet, trusting it's unreliable, unpredictable, and unresponsive "figures" to drive their investment decisions, turning their backs on the very principle that separated us from the animals and gave humanity a stranglehold on earth. It's time to stop spending money with your brain and start earning money with your heart.

With a simple phone call we will send over one of our licensed analysts to visit your operational facilities and perform a series of meditative sessions and animal sacrifices to ensure you have the best possible options to drive your business forward, covering all facets of your business from staffing to advertising. And the best part is that all costs of implementation are absorbed by the vast savings you will experience by eliminating rational procedural expense optimization efforts, and if you market your new policy of ignorance well enough, your business might even qualify for federal tax-exempt status! There is literally NO downside!

So call us now and we will put you on the same path of historic success that gave us the Roman empire, the pyramids in Egypt, and every war in recorded history... Faith!

The term "faith-based" implies a disregard for normal consulting practices. Any guarantees of success are offered with an assumption of diligent and honest belief in the soundness of the program, and any failures are assumed to be driven by a lack of proper faith. FBBC Inc. denies any wrongdoing or responsibility in the supposed formation of tertiary cult-like organizations that are actively practicing ritualized torture or ethnic cleansing. Due to the open admission of a complete lack of evidence for successful consulting experience FBBC Inc. enjoys immunity from punitive legal pursuits. Because the market works in mysterious ways, believe at your own risk.


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