It was today, right? I mean, I didn't miss it did I? I meant to stay up all night to witness the dawning of the apocalypse, but I smoked too much weed and passed out on the couch watching Ugly Betty. When I woke up this morning, everything was just like yesterday. Where the fuck is all the Mayan snake gods and blasting volcanoes? Where are the sacrificed mounds of innocent flesh? Where are the fucking orgies?
Calm down.... just need to think. The day is still early! Anything can happen. Any second the earth will shudder and erupt, enveloping all of humanity into a fiery embrace. Any ... second... now.......... ......... Hmmmm. Goddammit! It's just got to end! It's just got to.....
I am so fucking screwed. Yesterday, I told my boss to suck my dick and blasted beer shits onto his desk. I groped the fuck out of that girl from Human Resources and I wrecked my car for the fun of wrecking it. I thought that it wouldn't matter after today. Oh damn... I really shouldn't have had all that unprotected prostitute sex last night.
Once again, the Mayans have fucking failed. I mean I knew that Y2K was bullshit, but this one really seemed like the real deal. It just made sense, you know? Well shit. I've got a few phone calls to make and .... wha?...... What's up with all this blood? Oh, that's right! I killed and ate parts of that hooker! HA! Boy, do I have egg on my face.