Monday, December 24, 2012

He is Coming!

There is a man who has been watching your children.  All year long he has been secretly observing and making detailed notes on his list.  He knows what your children are doing almost all of the time.  He knows when they are sleeping, he knows when they are awake.

This elusive monster surrounds himself with brightly dressed man-children.  He lives with these eccentric, stunted half men, in an isolated cabin.   They worship him like a deity and spend every waking hour making toys in his arctic sweatshop.  The dim witted half-lings work themselves to exhaustion and eventually death.  They sacrifice their lives at the perverse whim of this red and white clad beast.  They churn out toys invisibly painted with sorrow.  Their master is going to find a way to give these blood toys to your children, whether you want him to or not.  He is coming.

He won't announce himself when he comes.  He won't knock on the door or ask permission.  He will gain entrance any way possible.  He will climb onto your roof and force his way through your chimney.  If you don't have a chimney, he'll smash a window.  He is as silent as a cat.  He needs to watch you all sleeping.  He'll stand over you and taste your breath.  He'll run his calloused fingers across your lips.  Maybe your fingers were suckled in his mouth, maybe they weren't.

As quickly as he entered, he exits, leaving toys and ample sweat stains.  Don't complain.  Act like this is totally normal.   He is still watching you and your children and he will return next year.  Your don't want to know what he does if you are on his naughty list.


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