Hack Slash $#*! - Episode 1

Join Hamtackle, Terlet and beloved asshole Sir Chapsworth on their aimless adventures through Hack/Mine.  They die constantly and bicker incessantly.  Grab your sword and grab a beer, it's time for hot, steamy, fantasy Minecraft action! 

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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What's Bester In Life?

Do you ever ask yourself "What's BEST in life?", well, do you baby?  I'll bet a pretty lady like you definitely knows what's best in life.  But, did you know there is something BESTER?  Hmmm?  Oh dear, sweety, I didn't mean to confuse you.  Let me explain... I am Bester.  Alfred Bester, and I'm the bester there is at what I do.  What do I do?  Well, I know what you're thinking.  Ha!  No no ,sweety, I really do know what you're thinking.  You ever fuck a Psi Cop?

Whoa, slow down... I'm not reading your mind right now.  That would be a violation of privacy.  I can just tell by the way that we pretty much dry humped the dance floor away, that you might be interested in a bit of the "Moist Pokey".  Being a telepath means you're special and rare and valuable and I'll know exactly how you like to get banged without you saying a word.  Shall we retire to my Psi Corps sanctioned quarters?  Excellent.

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Pope Emeritus' Day Off

So today was the final day in the eight year reign of Pope Benedict XVI, and along with a bitchin' new pad down at the nun's living quarters he gets a new name: Emeritus Pope Benedict. And although he leaves under a veil of suspicion surrounding some seemingly sinister secrets leaked by his former papal butler, and with the distinction of being an ex-nazi child molestation advocate, he does not leave with an unparalleled level of lewdness for Popes in general. Tonight we take a quick look at the Catholic church's long legacy of perverted and lustful Popes.


Pope Leo VII (d. 939 CE), having served only three short years as Pope back in the crazy no-holds-barred years of the 10th century, died doing what he loved most. To be more specific, he died while fornicating. There is very little by way of details regarding his death for a variety of reasons including a lack of reputable and critical outside journalism during those days, and also because the church doesn't fucking want you to know about all the fucking they have been fucking around with when they judge everyone else for their own habits regarding fucking. That's a lot of fucking. And it doesn't stop there.

The 10th century was somewhat of a golden age for fornicating and adulterous Popes. In fact there are two other Popes that both died the same way and for the same reason. Pope John XII (d. 964 CE) and Pope John XIII (d. 972 CE) both met their end at the bludgeoning hands of jealous husbands who objected to the papal pumpin' that was being "thrust upon" their wives. One wonders why when the church suffers the indignity of a sex scandal resulting in the murder of their Pope, that they then elect another Pope who decides to call himself BY THE SAME NAME less than a decade later, and then they are surprised when he has the same penchant for boning other men's wives! Wonders never cease.

But my favorite fallen Pope is the last on my list, Pope Paul II (d. 1471 CE). This guy was WAY ahead of his time, and would have fit in with the modern church quite nicely. He didn't have problems "coveting" his neighbor's wife, oh no. He wasn't sent to meet his maker in the throes of passion with a forbidden mistress. And there was no shameful political secret that drove him from the ranks of the holy. Pope Paul II had a heart attack while on the receiving end of a particularly enthusiastic page boy sodomy session. Maybe this is why the Catholic church is so slow to remedy the problem of child diddling within their circle. They have a long rich history of shameful sexual practices by their #1 guy that FAR overshadow some hasty groping and kiddie fucking by some lowly priests and bishops. In the eyes of papal history these neo-pedophiles are simply amateurs in the most common of the deadly sins. Lust.

Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 36

Are Hamtackle and Terlet really still building that F'ing cactus farm?  Yes, yes they are.  Continued excellence in profanity.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Here is a Gif....That is all. - Face Smash Again

I couldn't stop with just one Kung Fu Hustle Gif.  That movie has so many great face smash scenes!  So here is another....

That is all...



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Diary Of A Degenerate 32

It was an uncharacteristically overcast day in the desert. I had whittled down my meager belongings even further to just clothes, a wristwatch, and the money. All could be contained neatly and dryly in some jumbo sealable plastic bags and tied to my belt to ensure I didn't spill thousands of dollars into the Rio Grande.

 

Now that the liquor was bleeding from my system it seemed like a fucking ridiculous idea. And considering that my abandoned car was cleared from the crossing, the police might have full knowledge that I was attempting to flee the country and would be ready to scoop me out of the water and into custody to face trial. I wish I had my gun back. It was stupid to throw it in the gutter like that. At least I could have used it to force the police to kill me instead of arresting me. But the time for doubt was gone, and so I wrapped my cash in a dirty motel towel and stuffed it in a plastic bag, then marched out the door and into the busy street.

 

I walked for about twenty minutes until I was out of sight of the crossing and away from the majority of the traffic. The river was about sixty yards across, and the opposite shore was spattered with mexicans staring out at their freedom. This was both reinsuring and ominous. Clearly there was no one posted to stop them from swimming across, but on the other hand, why were they waiting? Surely these men, all my age or younger and with bodies hardened by years of manual labor, could easily swim the distance far easier than I could, and yet they do not. With these thoughts in my head I sat on a dusty riverside rock and took off my shoes, sealing them in a bag and tying it to my belt.

 

The men on the other side were interested now, gesturing at me and no doubt discussing the crazy gringo that was obviously about to jump in the fucking river. I waded out into the freezing water and immediately regretted it. But I had no other choice, so I jumped forward into the deeper water.

 

In my head I was swimming forward, but my eyes seemed to be lying to me and indicating I was swept swiftly downstream. I struggled to keep my head above water as I went, the only thing keeping me afloat was the meager bits of air in the plastic sacks tied to my waist. The water was much faster and stronger than I anticipated, and suddenly I realized I was in deep shit. The cold seized the muscles in my left leg and I took in a deep mouthful of muddy water, swallowing fast to clear the way for a desperate gasp of air only to be cruelly denied by another gulp of wetness. I was in full panic when I lost consciousness.

Drunker Than Light - Episode 8

Hamtackle pilots his spaceship, the Spread Eagle. How long can he survive with Terlet cheering on his destruction?  Drunker Than Light; Youtube's premiere Faster Than Light drinking game.

Intro music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Steaming Pile o' Tekkit - Episode 35

CACTUS FARM CACTUS FARM CACTUS FARM!!  Terlet and Hamtackle continue work on the, guess what?  Cactus Farm!  Racist accusations ensue.

Music by Kevin MacLeod  http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/



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Soup Dick is Back! - Thursdays at 10pm

The private detective with a heart of gold and a body of soup is back and brand new this Thursday!

This week on Soup Dick:  Soup Dick is hired to investigate a cheating spouse but stews up more trouble than he can swallow.  Can Soup Dick solve The Mystery of The Legless Lover??  It's an Olympic size serving of the simmering sleuth!

Get it while it's hot.  Catch Soup Dick Thursdays at 10pm.  Only on PITV.  

Criminals Beware!  The Streets will run red.... with Soup!

PITV - TV for Assholes



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Minecraft Legos!

 

 

Holy shit! I just got these motherfucking Minecraft Legos, and they are the best fucking thing ever! I figured we didn't have nearly enough Minecraft-related content on here, so bend over and brace your anus, 'cause I'm going in dry!

 

 

Look at this majestic bullshit! Let me tell you, these little plastic fuckers are not cheap, but as long as I don't have to blow a hobo to get 'em, I'm jumping on the offer. How much did they cost? Between thirty and two-hundred dollars... But who fucking cares?! MINECRAFT LEGOS MOTHERFUCKER!

 

 

I knew you wanted to see some up close cross-section action, you filthy little wench! Well take it all in, because I have the Lego set and YOU don't! How do ya like them apples, bitch?

 

 

Fucking run, Steve! RUN! That little creeper bastard is coming to blow your dick off! And what do we have here... Some motherfucking gold just waiting to be mined and turned into a necklace in the shape of scooby-doo for the inner city folks to buy!

 

 

And how about the amazing fucking tree here? Who built that beautiful son of a bitch? ME, that's who! Because I went down to the store and awkwardly wandered around the children's toy section until I found the last box of these motherfuckers! Now that I built it I guess I will... break them down again.... and maybe build something as cool as the box art.... or at least try to.... fuck you.