Friday, April 26, 2013

Cautious Cockplay

The Usual Suspects

Whether it’s being poked, prodded, slapped, tugged, pulled, yanked, punched, spit on, or laughed at, there are few things that my cock is not up for.  Things that a less sensitive part of my anatomy might consider abuse are welcomed by my magnificently resilient member.  In fact, I have sent it places that even my fingers did not dare to go for fear of contracting some unknown skin condition or unwashable odor.  That is why I decided to give a short but thorough list of the do’s and don’ts of penis ownership.

Firstly I must emphasize that you should never do anything that might damage the skin of the cock.  No piercing or cutting is allowed.  Not many people know this, but if you were to cut of a man’s penis while fully erect he would hip -wield a red lightsaber for roughly ten to twelve seconds before dropping dead from blood loss.  Never forget.  “But could I slam it in a door”  you ask?  Well, that depends on the door.  I would suggest starting with a desk drawer and working  your way up, and always avoid car doors.  Don’t ask why I know.

One of my favorite practices is called “unkinking the hose”.  It is started by tying the dick in a simple knot and unraveling it with the sheer power of your erection.  If you don’t have enough slack to tie a proper knot then I can’t help you here.  Personally I do this with a sturdy half-windsor, or sometimes even with a bow.  This is a normal and healthy practice, but you should stay away from any pervert that suggests that you try any “corking”.  This is the practice of plugging the urethra prior to ejaculation with the purpose of firing a tiny projectile like some sort of miniature qtip cannon.  This is dangerous and unnecessary, which is why it pays so well.  Keep it safe kids.

And that takes us finally to verbal abuse.  Few things stimulate better than a good face to junk argument.  Just remember to keep any racial abuse to a minimum.  I have been to a few abuse sessions that quickly got out of hand when a gentle ribbing escalated to a shouting match, and eventually to some truly offensive hate speech.  And this goes both ways, since we all know how easily a cock can instigate in an argument, turning a normally pleasant participant into a vocally aggressive bigot.  And I am very sensitive to penis-based hate speech, as I am the owner of an african-american penis.  It’s just my choice.

But the possibilities are only limited by your own imagination.  Always be open to new experiences and exciting opportunities, and you will rarely find yourself disappointed.  Unless, or course, your neighbors call the police on you when they see you in the window threatening your penis with a loaded firearm.  Sometimes I take it too far.


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