Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dump Diary

Saturday, April 6

I was able to sleep in an hour later than normal due to shifting work commitments, and the extra time brewed a steamer in me that condemned an office restroom for two hours. I had eaten spicy chili the night before, and knew the resulting squit (squishy shit) would be epic due to the potency of minor farts I had been laying since early morning. Smell rates a full 5.0, size about a 4.4 (roughly seven inches of bratwurst diameter shit), cleanup was about 2.0 due to a welcome upsplash that lent a bidet effect.


Sunday, April 7

I usually try to reserve my most plentiful dumps for Sundays, mostly because I can take my time in the comfort of my own bathroom. Today was an excellent example of this as I produced a crap that could be best described as "pornographic" in terms of its size, and gave me the impression that I would fare well in a prison rape scenario. Size must be rated a one time only 10.0, given that it appears this shit started near my tonsils. Smell was weak at 1.0, and cleanup was a difficult 4.5, mostly due to the copious plunging required.


Monday, April 8

There was no dumping to be had this day, and I walked about bow-legged like a cowboy after a long cattle drive due to the previous day's evacuation. Luckily I was not required to go into work as it was my day off, so I sat alone in the dark with my appropriate shame.


Tuesday, April 9

I nearly left work today after battling through the first four hours of my day with bi-hourly bouts of the shotgun shits. The pressure built up to excruciating levels until hard-packed pellets of poo ricocheted audibly off the porcelain beneath me. Size is hard to register, as the dense pellets sunk like bullets below the visible bottom of the toilet bowl. Scent was completely absent, and cleanup was effortless. It was almost like I didn't shit at all, except for the soreness in my bowels.


Wednesday, April 10

The dry density of the previous day's shitting was compensated for with the oily discharge that made its way into the very fabric of my underpants today. I was faced with the decision to either go home to change or to abandon all hope of comfort and go commando. I chose the latter, discarding my boxers in the trashcan for the nice mexican lady to find when she came to clean the facilities. The application of a paper towel "cork" prevented me from soiling my work trousers. Size is registered at a 0, since it was all fluid. Stench was strong with this one, a solid 4.0, and cleanup was off the scale, since the greenish tint and unruly greasiness caused me to jettison my drawers.


I will be back soon with further details on my crapping habits. It will keep you at the edge of your toilet seats!

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