Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Tale Of Tommycunt

Some men are born.  And other men are made.  This is a tale of the latter, a gent that was born with the name Heidi but earned his masculinity in a trial so fierce few of us “natural men” would be able to follow.

You see, being born a woman is a mixed bag, at best.  If you are lucky enough to be sexually attractive you might find it to be easy going until old age, if you come out average you will still find love but then face the suffering of childbirth.  But if you are born repugnant, well... you might as well be a man.  

Heidi was born to bavarian farmers that were paired up out of convenience, since both were burly outcasts that couldn’t find love elsewhere, and that poor stock went through a filter during pregnancy that separated all the good from the bad and spit out a quivering pile of disgusting which became Heidi.  Based on the full mustache she bore at birth the doctor was quick to declare her a boy, but a glance at the undercarriage confirmed the awful truth.  Far from a man, but equally far from a woman, Heidi was a new and shameful breed.

She lived through her early years in a confused state, obsessed with cars and athletics she didn’t fit in with the other girls, and her imposing six and a half foot frame kept the boys at bay too.  And in a lonely world a child lives in their dreams, and Heidi dreamt big.  She wanted to be Heidi no more.  The only way to feel free was to become a man, but how?  Even the boys in her village were too wimpy for her, and she found herself shaving twice daily, even putting her father’s beard to shame!  So not any penis would do.  She needed something more.  She needed a guncock.

There were many items left over from the war in her home town, mostly nazi relics, but some allied gear as well.  And when she laid eyes on a tommy gun for the first time she became obsessed.  The length of the barrel, the shine of the fine american steel, it was a cock fit for a king!  So she began to learn a gunsmith’s trade, and soon mastered the art of manipulating metal for the purposes of wartime destruction.  Heidi quickly realized that she outgrew her home town, and could only earn her new identity in a foreign land, so she settled on the place that developed the object of her obsession, America: the home of the thompson submachine gun.  

Upon arriving on the shores of the USA Heidi wasted little time assuming a male identity, carried out expertly by virtue of a solid mustache and deep, booming voice.  But to be complete she would need to take the final step.  It took months to find a doctor with the skills necessary to graft skin to steel, but a disbarred and disgraced plastic surgeon-turned-mechanic ultimately made her dreams come true through a sixteen hour procedure that would have killed any normal man.  But Heidi was no normal man... she was TOMMYCUNT!

So if you ever happen to find yourself using a urinal next to a massive blond man with a thick bavarian accent, try to take a peek at what he is holding.  You might be in the shadow of the ultimate in masculinity, the one they call Tommycunt.  Just make sure you don’t get caught looking.  You might find yourself staring down her barrel at a .45 slug.



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