Welcome one and all to the first annual Popular Irony Beauty Contest, sponsored by Felcher's Facials! It's the ONLY skin creme product that comes in a high-quality reusable container: "Felcher's Facials... itsthefacialinaflask!
1.) Our first contestant hails from the fatherland, Germany. His name is Hans Grybbler and his blend of infectious charisma and ruthless efficiency will make him the "final solution" to your loneliness!
2.) Contestant number two is a beach-going beauty that prides himself on his hygiene and personal musk. Say He-llo to this resident of Louisiana, Eugene "The 'Stache" Jacobson!
3.) And who can resist the calling gaze of this Wisconsin damsel? A woman of many talents, Bertha "The Burger Whisperer" Hamish spends her days hand-milking dairy cows, and her nights breaking hearts as a line dancing instructor. Ooh-La-La!
4.) Wendy Smittens wants to warm your bed with her giant, feminine feet during the cold Detroit nights! Her all-natural beauty could take the contest by storm, so batten down the hatches, matey!