Saturday, September 29, 2012

Sodomy Wars Episode IV: The Birth of Christmas

Hamtackle texted me the title to this post this morning as part of our Blog Buddies Bullshit.  Please enjoy whatever this turns out to be...

Shelly LerMane
Hey there, Shelly LerMane here, and have I got the perfect porno pitch for you!  This porn will be so fucking hardcore and action packed, people wont know whether to cum or to cringe.  We got spaceships, we got aliens, we got handsome boner smuggler's, loose lady princess' and Christian deitys.  I'm tellin' you this flick will win them fucking Academy Awards! 

Picture this.... At the top of the screen appears...

Once upon a time, in a galaxy filled with poon.

Then you get them rumbling trumpets and orchestra stuff blaring you you have "Sodomy Wars Episode IV: The Birth of Christmas" rolls up the screen.

Then, rolling after the title is like a bunch of words describing what people missed in the first three episodes that we have not made yet.  This is a galaxy ruled by the evil Emperor Poopingtime and his black leather clad, right hand man Ass Raider.  Ya see, in this galaxy, you defeat your enemies by fucking them in the ass.  Hot right?  But in space there is like sparks and shit.  It's like *POW* *BOOM* *SLAP* *SQUIRT*!!

Now fucking, um, Ass Raider is chasing this ship, see? And the ship has the gorgeous Princess LayMe.  This princess has the emperor's secret plans for a battle station that can blast the asses of an entire planet at once.  Global Fucking Sodomy!  Can you picture it?  This big, long, bulbous space station pulling up next to a planet and firing off millions of Anus Seeking Butt Lasers!?  Those things'll find a way to get where they want to go!

Have I peaked your interest?  No?!  Well, listen up cause it gets so much cooler.  So the princess is like, needing to get these plans to the Rebel Analiance.  The rebels are fed up with getting their asses fucked by the Poopingtime and his minions.  They want to be the ass fuckers in this galaxy.  So the princess enlists the help of the Christian God.  Now, now!  Wait!  Hear me out on this one. 

So, the Christian God hates sodomy, right?  You see where I'm going here don't ya?  That's right!  This story's finale takes place with Ass Raider getting the drop on our lord and trying to stuff his robot cock up God's ass!  Little does Ass Raider know that our lord and creator was not born of mortals and has no need of defication, therfore has no ass to fuck!  Mind Blowing twist, right!?  But God does have need of a cock!  A mighty cock of creation!

God whips out his glowing, blue rod and brandishes it as Ass Raider.  In response, Ass Raider's cock grows and glows red.  You know what's gonna happen right?  That's fucking right!  A glowing cock fight!  They'll be all *CHOOM* *SHRIMMM* *VROOM* *GUSH*.  All the friction causes God to end this epic battle with one mighty ejaculate.

God sprays his almighty seed like a super nova, destroying Ass Raider and the Battle Station.  God's mighty semen covers one of the escaping Anus Seeking Butt Lasers.  It drifts in space for centuries covered in God's bountiful goo. Until one day in came in contact with a small planet and it's auto programming takes over.  The damaged Anus Seeking Butt Laser crash landed into the middle east just over two thousand years ago.  It's targeting program damaged, the laser landed in a vagina rather that the anus of a young woman.  We'll have this hot scene of the Anus Seeking Butt Laser pounding this lady's hot virgin poon.  One thing leads to another and that's where Christmas comes from.

So what do you think?  Are we making a movie or what? 


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