Saturday, October 20, 2012

What The Smurf!?

There are fucking thousands of Smurfs out there!  Dangerous fucking Smurfs!!  Did you know that shit?  It is fucking terrifying.  Sure there are those normal, cuddly Smurfs that are always roaming the surface, laughing and smiling.  They eat Smurf berries and live in cozy, warm mushroom houses.  Those are the PC face of the Smurfs, the normies.

Little do people know but there are horrors beneath Smurf village.  In the caverns beneath the village, deeper still than the gargantuan obesity that is the Smurf Queen , are the chambers of the lost.  The mutants, the deformed, the insane and violent Smurfs.  Any abnormalities sequestered away from public view.  Most of the time, they die as infants, feasted upon by the other starving rejects of Smurf society.  But occasionally a Smurf displays abilities beyond it's freakish brethren.

Take Aries Smurf for example.  A Smurf with Ram's horns growing out of his head.  A hateful, brutish beast.  A Smurf who's driving force in life is rape and murder.  A Smurf who is the bane of  all other Smurfs.  He exists to be feared.

I am telling you this now for your own safety.  Papa Smurf has been trying to keep this shit quiet but, Aries Smurf has fucking escaped!  This rape-machine is loose in our world and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  He is three apples high of pure murder.

So watch your step next time you are wandering through the forest.  Poop cautiously in unfamiliar port-o-potties.  Never go camping.  He is out there and he can end you.


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