Saturday, October 6, 2012
Oscar Has Seen You Naked
You probably don't remember, since you were sleeping at the time. But he was there. Actually he has seen you naked a bunch of times, but this time was different because he was in your home instead of just looking through a telescope from across the street. Don't worry, he means you no harm.
In fact, he didn't even want to wake you up so he let himself in really quietly. And what a considerate guy he is... he spent weeks casing your house to find out where you hide your spare key just so he wouldn't have to break a window. Now that is an intruder you can trust. He even put the key back afterwards so you wouldn't lose it.
And Oscar knows how camera shy you are, so he avoided any flash photography and instead opted for a simple infrared setup for night photography. That's right, Oscar is truly a man of the 21st century. I mean, you wouldn't want some two-bit home invasion hack taking nude photos of you and selling them to an internet pornography business, would you? No way.
Guess what? Oscar knows how to make you look good, too. Your left side is your good side, and he makes sure you look your best when the covers are off. But he needs a little help to ensure the highest quality photos. And you want to look as good as possible for the internet folks, right? Of course you do. Oscar needs you to go to sleep in your finest lingerie going forward. The lacy blue number you keep in the top left of your closet should do fine, but if you really want to step up your game then go shopping and diversify your sleepwear.
But don't you worry your pretty head about the rest. Oscar will be there to worry about the details. And check under your pillow... he left you a little gift. Some ambien sleeping pills to keep you in the deepest, most relaxing sleep possible. Because next week we are adding some performance elements to your lineup. And believe me, you wont want to remember them.