Wednesday, December 14, 2011


A couple of weeks ago I asked a very important question.  "What's in the Motherfucking Box?!".  I am finally prepared to open the motherfucking box and find out.

This unlabeled box could contain anything.  It could be from my college days or even from my recent move.  Let's see what we got.

Ah.... It is quite an assortment of shit.  Some old, some new.  My wife must have combined several "shit boxes" creating one almighty Motherfucking Box of Shit!

Let's see we have......

1 Shake Weight DVD for Men
1 Shake Weight DVD for Women
1 Large Orange Battery Powered Fridge Magnet Gear
2 Large Red Fridge Magnet Gears
1 Mini Chalkboard Eraser
1 Tiny Stuffed Monkey on a String Tied To a Stick
1 Paper Dream Productions Comics Bookmark
2 Large Green Fridge Magnet Marble Ramps
4 Small Gray Fridge Magnet Gears
2 Swivel Cup Fridge Magnet Marble ramps
9 Wooden Sculpture Tools
1 Paper Envelope Stuffed With Unmarked Dirty DVDs and CDs
3 Medium Green Fridge Magnet Gears
1 6' Gray Telephone Cord
1 12' Green Telephone Cord
1 Small Paintbrush
1 Drywall Portrait Hook
1 Hanging Plant Hook
1 Fridge Magnet Marble Holder
2 Medium Blue Fridge Magnet Gears
1 Empty Green DVD Jewel Case
1 5" ACE Comb
1/2 Roll of Scotch Tape
1 Catering Business Card
1 Jar Tattoo Ointment
1 Boyz II Men Cassette Tape "CooleyHigh Harmony"
1 Plastic Back to a Digital Clock (my wife has been looking for this)
1 Leather Case Containing Glasses With  My Current Prescription
1 Tiny Egg laying Rubber Chicken Keychain
1 Soiled Bumper Sticker
1 Cassette Tape "Harpin' It Easy" Harmonica Instruction
1 Plastic Buddha Statue
1 Cassette Tape "The Beavis and Butthead Experience"
3 Tickets To A Scum City Avengers Concert
1 Old Glasses Prescription
12 Printed Wikipedia Pages "List of Cryptids"
2 Car Keys for a GM
1 Folder of My College Comic Strips
1 Wooden Hawaii Surfboard Fridge Magnet
1 Tiny Scenic Painting Fridge Magnet
1 Guggenheim Museum Fridge Magnet
1 Automatic Outlet Timer
1 Ceramic Wind Chime
4 Small Black Fridge Magnet Gears
1 Chiropractor Business Card
2 Medium Fridge Magnet Marble Ramps
1 Invitation To a Baby Shower With a Small Metal Dream Catcher Pin Attached
1 Portion of an Unknown Video Game System Cable
1 Deck of Marvel Comics Playing Cards
1 Florida Fridge Magnet
2 Curvy Fridge Magnet Marble Ramps
1 2$ Bill
1 Boba Fett Mandalorian Symbol Iron On Patch
1 Mouth Harp
1 Small Glasses Cleaning Cloth
1 Verizon Wireless Installation CD for a Phone I No Longer Own
1 Unmarked Orange Swipe Card With Barcode
1 Small Piece of Wood With "Hawaii" written on it
1 C + C Music Factory Cassette Tape "Gonna Make You Sweat"
1 Swirly Dispenser Chute Fridge Magnet Marble Ramp
1 Phone # for "Arica"
1 Florida Scuba Dive Instructor Business Card
1 Thermometer In a Wooden Tube
1 Label For a Dickies Shirt
1 Red Ticket #353296
1 Commie Self Adhesive Mustache and Beard Set
1 Kohl's Coupon Mailer
1 Phone # for Muffler Repair
1 Crumpled Note Instructing Me To "Empty The Dishwasher"
1 Rusty Cast Iron Railroad Spike
1 Battery Powered Robot Crab Toy
2 Wooden Coins "Pat" and "Front"
11 White Marbles
1 Blue Mardi Gras Beads
1 Green Mardi Gras Beads
1 Purple Mardi Gras Beads
1 Butterscotch Candy
1 10" x 1" Styrofoam Stick
1 Bunch of Pipe Cleaners
1 Pen Without a Cap
1 Old AAA Card
1 SD Card
1 Progressive Insurance Card
1 Large Yellow Fridge Magnet Gear
1 Broken XBOX Earpiece
1 Large Paper Clip
1 Small Cereal Box Star Trek Flashlight
1 Old Checkbook
1 2" x 3" Adhesive Bandage
1 Blister Pack of Gum With 2 Pieces Remaining
1 Empty Plastic Sandwich Bag With "Banana Kush Mix 1/4" Written On It
1 4" Piece of Electrical Tape Coated in Birdseed and Cat Hair
2 Small White Magnets
1 Wooden Toothpick
1 Small Hair Clip
1 Penny
1 Empty Picture Frame
1 DVD Collection of "Deadtime Stories" 10 Movies on 5  Double Sided DVDs that Hamtackle gave to me for Christmas years ago.  The best is "Night Train to Terror".  God and the Devil play chess while a bunch of 80's aerobics instructors make a shitty dance video on a train.  It has a great song lyric "Everybody's got something to do, everybody but you".

The Keepers

I Kept a few items, as you can see.  As for the rest?  It's back to the box!!  One day I will dig it out again and rummage through it's piles of dusty, useless memories. 

I can hear you saying to yourself  "But Terlet!  Shouldn't you at least throw away that filthy piece of electrical tape?!?"  To that I say "FUCK YOU, I NEED IT!! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!!"


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