Thursday, December 22, 2011

International Santa Claus - A Study - Part 4 - White Baby Christmas Beast

Hello and welcome to the fourth installment of -International Santa Claus - A Study-.  Yes!  It is I, your ever-handsome host, Dr. Desmond Morales.

Dr. Desmond Morales
Christianity has dipped it's diddle in many a culture's business.  In every corner of the planet where Christmas has been imposed, there exists some form of the "Santa Claus".  This holiday visitor does not always take the form a jolly, red-clad, obese elf.  Often the myth takes the shape of a culture's fears and superstitions.

Nyeupe Mtoto Krismasi Mnyama is Swahili for "White Baby Christmas Beast".  Supposedly, every Christmas a Caucasian infant dressed in an expensive red suit, sneaks into your house and circumcises the wicked (children and adults, men and women) with his rusty machete.  The infant is extremely agile, sometimes running along the ceiling, always spitting curses.

The belief in the White Baby Christmas Beast is scattered throughout the African continent.  There are many ways to ward off the Beast.  It only attacks the wicked, so be good for goodness sake.  Some tribes will burn homosexuals in hopes of appeasing and deterring the white beast.  It is easy to determine if someone is homosexual, it's all in the eyes.  

Other societys outright hunt the Beast on Christmas, many armed with machetes or AK-47s.  Many times it is thought that that neighboring tribe is harboring the Beast.  One of the primary causes of war on the African continent is attempts to locate and slaughter the Beast.  Many villages have been completely wiped out in the futile search for this mythical Christmas monster.

White Baby Christmas Beast

Again, everyone has their in individual interpretations of the White Baby Christmas Beast.  It is not always a negative portrayal.  Some say that if you catch and have sex with the Beast that it will cure your AIDS.  This has lead to many international, cultural misunderstandings........ and raped babies.

Whether it be a red suit wearing, genital-mutilating demon or a magical, rapable, baby leprechaun.  The White Baby Christmas Beast is definitely in a Christmas creature league of it's own.


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