|Guess which one has soiled hands?|
There is a document known as the "FAMiLY LEADER"pledge that was signed by former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann and current candidate Rick Santorum that contains language that amounts to banning all forms of pornography. You know, because jerking off destroys families. This makes perfect sense, as both of them look like people who view sex as an unpleasant duty that is required to make babies. Mott Romney is anti masturbation, in keeping with his mormon faith that in the LDS bible denounces masturbation as "wasting jizz". Even Newt Gingritch, a confirmed pussy hound, is against porn. Here are a few quotes from these candidates:
Rick Santorum: “Federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced. If elected President, I will appoint an Attorney General who will do so.”
Mitt Romney: “It is imperative that we cultivate the promotion of fundamental family values. This can be accomplished with increased parental involvement and enhanced supervision of our children. It includes strict enforcement of our nation’s obscenity laws, as well as the promotion of parental software controls that guard our children from Internet pornography.”
Newt Gingrich: When former Speaker Gingrich was asked if he will enforce existing laws that make distribution of hard-core adult pornography illegal, he responded: “Yes, I will appoint an Attorney General who will enforce these laws.”
So please drop by to their official webpages and let them know you are a proud masturbator. And don't forget to tell them Popular Irony sent you.
Masturbation Hall of Fame
Now it is time to honor another person who has brought awareness to masturbation by inducting them into the masturbation hall of fame. We celebrate their courage in the face of public humiliation and thank them for helping show the world that we are all normal people, and we all love to manually stimulate our genitalia.
|He came for our sins...|
And now... Diff'rent Strokes!!!
Frisky Fishy: The economic masturbator has produced ingenious masturbation techniques over the years, and this newest entry doesn't disappoint. Simply drape a fish filet (with skin side out) over the shaft, get a grip, and stroke away! This is an excellent and disposable way to satisfy your urges, and in a pinch can be washed and fried up for dinner! It will be our little secret...