Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Beware the Leap Day Death of Davy Jones

Herbert Poucher, PhD
The demon of “Leap Day” has finally acquired his black knight.  After centuries of failed attempts to create a mass breach of our reality, the tools of our disposal have gently fluttered into his hands. 

Every four years, humanity enters a state of mass hallucination.  The entire race dreams a non-existent day.  The earth actually does go around the sun every 365 days, not the pathetic lie of 365.25 days.  Humans added the .25 as a feeble way of explaining away the existence of Leap Day.  The truth is much too difficult for the average human brain to handle.  

Once every four years, the portal to the dungeon dimensions of the "Leaper" opens.  His influence spills across the hive mind of humanity like thick, black syrup.  Every human exists in this temporal dream-state thinking that it is just any other day.  Little do they know the Leaper is poking and prying in everyone's mind, clawing desperately to garner your attention and in doing so, claiming your soul.  The only people who die on Leap Day, did so because the Leaper was able to penetrate their psychic barrier.  Those who would have died anyway, the ill and elderly are easy prey, a healthy person is almost impossible for him to defeat.

It is extremely difficult for the Leaper to gain anyone's attention.  The soul is a human's astral-immune system to extra-dimensional influences.  If that immune system is somehow compromised, the Leaper can infect the soul, devouring it.  A human's soul can become susceptible in many different ways.  Our actions, whether conscious or unconscious, alter the soul's configuration.  A soul could become infected by the owner simply noticing a particularly pleasant sunset, or by not ordering the quiche.  Any action could prevent your soul from compensating to the shifting psychic vibrations.

The psychic plane is composed entirely of varying degrees of vibration.  Our existence resonates in different ways on the psychic plane and our soul, in turn, reacts to those vibrations.  If a soul is unable to compensate for a particular vibration, it can become infected.  People's souls become infected all the time, just like any other illness.  Your psychic immune system will eventually repair itself just like your physical body's immune system.  The problem occurs when your soul is compromised and there is something there to take advantage of it.

It takes four years for the Leaper to gather enough power to assert the mass hallucination.  He will use his claimed souls as weapons of conquest on the psychic plane.  He will attempt to bombard everyone with distraction.  If your grandmother died on the previous Leap Day, he may use her as a weapon on the following Leap Day.  Her vibrations would be familiar to your vibrations and he could use her a pry bar on your soul.  But healthy human souls form a collective web.  Your healthy soul, supported by neighboring souls, is easily able to ignore and overcome the attempt.  But if the Leaper had claimed a person that could resonate with multiple souls at the same time, the joint, protective web of souls could be infected en masse.  Which brings me to my point....

Davy Jones of the Monkees died today.  Today is Leap Day.  As I type this we are all swimming in the Leaper's psychic war zone.  His weapons are weak this year, he is only claiming the dying.  He has not been able to crack the shells of any healthy souls as far as I can tell.  But then Davy Fucking Jones had to go and have a heart attack in the middle of the Leap Day hallucination.  He belongs to the Leaper now.  In four years we are all dead.

In four years, "Daydream Believer" will be echoing from the trumpets of of the Leaper's evil, psychic hordes.  Davy Jone's sweet voice will be the Ebola virus of the astral plane.  We will, in unison, recognize the songs of The Monkees, and with that our web of souls with shatter and a domino effect of distraction and infection will follow.  We will belong to the Leaper.  Thanks Davy Jones.

It's sad to think that we all only have four years to live.  Well you all have four years, I have slightly less. I'm going to do the smart thing on February 28th, 2016, by eating a fucking bullet.  The Leaper won't get me!  HE WON'T GET ME!!  HA HA HA HA!


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