Tonight we will be dining on another of my personal creations, Noodles 'N Shump. You will need to have the following:
- 1 package ramen noodles (any flavor)
- 3 tablespoons ranch dressing
- 3 tablespoons barbecue sauce
- 1 tablespoon honey
Ooh baby, look at that thick, sweet honey! One tablespoon of that delicious insect ooze is going to bring the tangy factor on that barbecue sauce to overload! Resist the urge to smash your face into the unfinished dish and mouth-fuck it to oblivion. There is still more tasty on the way!
A big, heaping tablespoon of extra spicy horseradish will really separate the men from the boys. A single whiff of this stuff would cause a six year old boy's testicles to drop so fast they would splatter like a shotgun blast down his legs. You'll wish someone would bottle this stench.
Here's the first big payoff, the hand mixing. Get your mitts wrist-deep in that bitch. Don't be shy. Get it all over. Ten dollars bets you lick your hands clean before you make it to the faucet to wash them off.
Get that pile of mess into a bowl, we are almost done. Go grab that packet of flavor seasoning that you grabbed out of the ramen package. Pour it liberally over the top of your pile, seasoning to taste.
Garnish as you wish, be it for a romantic dinner for two, or just a self indulgence for the gourmet in all of us. Pictured is my favorite garnish, just half an onion with a toothpick. I ate mine with all the tenacity of a testosterone-injected wood badger.
This particular batch disagreed with me, and alas, I lost the meal. I am sure this was an isolated incident and should in no way negatively impact your willingness to try the recipe yourself. (Note the pubic hair lining the toilet bowl. You're welcome.)