Thursday, February 2, 2012

True Awkward Story

 "Elliot, it is my understanding that you are very interested in the position of wage officer here at DriskolTec, and by the looks of your resum√© I would say you are more than qualified.  But you must understand, Elliot, that we do not hire solely on the profile you prepared for us.  I would like to ask you a few additional questions that are designed to reveal some key personality traits that we may find desirable in potential employees, and maybe a few that we would prefer to avoid, as well.  This is by no means a test with right and wrong answers, but rather a study to learn about yourself and your motivations.  Do you agree to participate?"  The suited man never broke eye contact and appeared to never blink.  His expression was pleasant but seemed superficial.


"Of course sir, it would be my pleasure.  I am always eager to learn more about myself.  I consider introspection a very healthy practice."  In truth Elliot was nervous.  He had already completed a pretty thorough paper questionnaire, and the oral interview was in it's second hour.


"Excellent, Elliot.  We will begin in just a few moments, but please allow me to briefly prepare."  The man stood up, seeming taller than when the two entered the room.  He casually unbuttoned his pants and took them off, gently folding them along the pleats and setting them aside before again taking his seat.  Elliot wasn't sure if this was part of the test or if the man was just preserving the garment.  The pants did look very expensive...


"Thats much better.  Alright, where were we?  Oh yes!  Firstly, do you consider yourself a traditional man, or a man without conventional sensibilities?"  He sat with pen to paper in anticipation of the potentially revealing response.


"I'm sorry, but I don't think I understand the question.  What is a 'traditional man' in your estimation?"  Elliot's question went unanswered, but the man hastily scribbled some notes and mumbled.


"Secondly, if you found yourself less than what you always thought you could be, would you endeavor to become what once you thought you never were?"


Elliot took a long pause... "Are you serious?  I have no idea how to answer that question."


"Aha, yes indeed."  The man scribbled more before asking again.  "And if you had really cold feet, like almost frozen, would you let me warm them up any way that I wanted?"


"Um, I don't know.  How would you warm them up?  With blankets or something?"


"Yes, Elliot.  Blankets.  But I might also want to hold them.  Make them warm with my neck-heat.  Nothing weird, just two men trading touches, nothing more."


"I am not sure I am interested in this job anymore.  You are borderline sexually harassing me right now, and I don't really feel comfortable here."  Elliot rose to his feet and began to leave the room.  The man stayed seated but stated no protest to his leaving.  


A few minutes after Elliot left the man pulled his pants back on, and took another look at his documents.  "Damn."  He thought.  "This kid had it all.  But he only lives a couple of blocks from here.  I think I will go lay in his driveway for a few hours."  He never let a good potential employee get away.  Especially one with such beautiful feet.

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