Saturday, September 24, 2011

Popular Irony Journal of Medicine: Adult Industry Conditions

A catalog of sex industry maladies as confirmed through medical scrutiny according to the strict standards of the Popular Irony Journal of Medicine. All patients continue with regular treatments to minimize exposure to irritants and repetitive motions than can degrade their respective conditions.

Practice does not always make perfect
 Wanker's Wrist This injury is caused by frequent masturbation by men and women within the industry and within the pornography consumer audience. Many industry-related injuries are shared between producers and consumers, much like venereal diseases. The obvious warp in wrist alignment is obtained gradually by the afflicted, and embarrassment can lead to a tragic delay in treatment. Splinting and muscle relaxants can be implemented to positive results.

I hope it was worth the extra $5
 Stripperitis This very dramatic ocular condition is contracted commonly in gentleman's clubs that serve shellfish. Cross contamination from filthy hands to exposed genitalia leads to tertiary exposure to the faces of particularly demanding strip club clientele. This is often prompted in a rather foolish manner by the afflicted by placing a $5 bill across their nose while laying prone on the dance floor. Buyer beware, this condition can lead to blindness and permanent skin discoloration.

Time to become ambidextrous
 Fluffer's Elbow This most infamous of adult industry occupations comes with an obvious risk for repetitive motion injury. Unsuccessfully alternating stroking arms can cause a serious buildup of inflammatory fluid that can distend the skin, forming a "balloon" of throbbing flesh that gives off a startling amount of heat. A numbing effect that dulls the pain can lead some afflicted to attempt a dangerous home remedy by lancing the mass without professional medical supervision. Application of cortisone and a saline flush can resolve the condition within a few days.

Please report any unknown conditions or suspicious medical anomalies to the Journal at

Any medical submissions will be handled with the utmost care to patient security.

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