Friday, September 30, 2011

A Foreign Man Makes an Uncomfortably Hard Pass at You

Bountiful Yurgel Family Farm
Excuse me, very beautiful lady. I see you are alone and possibly in need of insemination...

Oh, Yurgel is very sorrowful. My english is still not smart like yours, so I make accident words. Please do not go for walking away from me, I have very important talking for you. Yurgel means to say that I believe I earn enough dollars for you to allow me to give your bosom handshakes.

You look as though you smell very bad things. Please no more yelling, your loud words are bad for romance. You sit and Yurgel taste your mouth with curious tongues, yes? Then you make no more loudness, and come with Yurgel to family sheep farm in home village where you grow large arms from milking and baby-carrying. Much hairiness makes Yurgel very much man, and there will be very many baby.

Why can you laugh at not-funny life with Yurgel? Both women in home village very much like meat and milk from animals, and want to have family making. Can you go with me for buying alcohol? You will like offer better with drinking. Yurgel have only few rupels, but can trade for with opium.

Do not be fear, wonderful lady. Yurgel barter always with opium. First wife get for two handfulls of opium, but she die after fall under plow last year. You very smart lady. You not try fix plow when ox attached.

You go now? Yurgel cannot come? Take paper with address. You write Yurgel soon, but tape American dollars to envelope or letter not come from city. You will come to farm soon. Big American city too loud and smelly, not like family farm.  I will keep extra rations of yak fat for the upcoming winter.  Imagine... you could be getting Yurgel baby by time of seasonal wildfires...  Why does your walking so fast?...

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