Thursday, August 2, 2012

Dear Booger Wiper,

I am one of your many coworkers.  I just wanted to express my thanks for your generosity and imagination.  Everyday there is a new booger smeared on the left hand side of one of the two urinals in the public restroom that we share.  It is quite an impressive collection of boogers and you are quite skilled at retrieving and displaying them.  I am glad that you feel the impulse to cram a filthy finger into the soft tissue of your sinuses while you relieve yourself of a generous bounty of urine. 
I am also dazzled by your choice of location to display your art.  We work in a very nice, clean office.  We are paid well and everyone presents themselves with a modicum of good hygiene and fashion.  I have seen others attempt your technique in dozens of Walmarts and truck stop bathrooms across the world.  But never have I seen it so well performed than in our small, clean, executive lavatory.

I'm sure the owners and vice presidents of our company get as much pleasure from your artistic displays as I do.  I have heard nothing but good things from my other male coworkers concerning your talent.  Whoever you are, we hold you in the highest regard.

I truly appreciate the fact that you don't attempt to flick your boogers into the urinal.  That would deprive you the pleasure of smearing and deny us the pleasure of getting to stare at your art whenever we urinate.

I hope one day to meet you so I can express my gratitude and admiration in person.  By wiping your boogers on the left hand side of the urinal, I have to assume that you are left handed.  That eliminates 90-93% of the population.  Unless you grip your penis with your dominant hand and pick with the other....  Hmmm.  Which requires more dexterity, the nose picking or the dick aiming?  Personally, I am right handed and pick with my right hand.  You won't find any boogers on the right side of our urinals though... I am not an artist like you.

I know that it must bring our custodian, Francisco, to tears whenever he is forced to remove such beauty from the wall.  He must dread it. He probably experiences the same level of remorse that he would feel if he was forced to suffocate a kitten.  Either way, I know he loves seeing new boogers of his freshly cleaned wall.  It gives him a sense of purpose and inspiration.

Again, my sincere thanks.  You truly are a gifted and generous person, whoever you are.  Keep up the good work!

God Bless You - Terlet

One of the mystery artists most recent exhibitions.


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