I apologize in advance gentle reader but I am ill. I have come down with a mean case of "The Skyrims". They are swollen and all over my backside.
The Skyrims (Furunculosis Skyrimus) are painful pus-filled bumps on the skin resulting from underexposure to specific computer-generated, video game entertainment. The infection is usually caused by a type of bacteria called Bitchywifeosis. Many people are "carriers" of the Bitchywifeosis germ, meaning that it normally lives on their skin or in their nose without doing them any harm. The moment a person tries to dedicate personal time to a certain video game, tiny breaks in the surface of the skin (such as those caused by annoyance and whining), can help the germ gain entry into and infect the hair follicle, resulting in a Skyrim.
Skyrims may resolve with simple immersion into a computer generated fantasy realm, but the infected fluid (pus) needs to drain in order for them to heal completely. Many Skyrims drain of their own accord, or they can be lanced by a health care professional. Antibiotics may also be prescribed. Untreated Skyrims can enlarge or grow together to form a giant multi-headed Skyrim (Hydra). Rarely, the infection in the skin can get into the bloodstream, leading to serious boredom and frustration.
I realize that this is not the normal "high quality" post you have come to expect from Popular Irony. I couldn't give less of a shit. My Skyrims are pulsing and steamy and I need my medication. Back to the X-Box.