Friday, November 25, 2011

A One-Legged Vagrant's Guide to the Movies

Me when I was in the paper
Great news for the people who read my postings on the internet!  Frisky Pete is gonna be a daddy soon!  I am extra happy about it, and decided I am not going to run away to Portland.  I do worry that the baby isn't hers, though.  I made lovings to a lot of homeless ladies this year.  To celebrate the good news I decided to spend my last $30 that I made killing squirrels for Arthur.  It is hard to kill squirrels when you only have one leg, but it is worth it because I really like the movies.

Not scary vampire movie
 The first place I went was the movie house by the library, which is probably my favorite because I sleep in the science section of the library because no one likes science, and it is only ten minutes hopping time from there to the movie house.  I only had money for my ticket so I had to steal a bag of popcorn from a man that was either a kid or a midget.  He didn't cry, just looked at me funny so I guess he was a midget.  The movie house was showing "Breaking Dawn", and there was a lot of little girls and gay dudes.  It is weird how they like the same things all the time, like clothes shopping and talking about Justin Bieber.  It was about vampires and werewolves but it wasn't scary at all, and there was only a love story and not any murders.  The film makes no effort to hide it's pandering toward the target demographic, and is riddled with unintentionaly funny moments.  I am glad I didn't pay for my popcorn, because I felt ripped of when I was leaving.

Happy Feet Two Movie
 Then on last Monday I went to the movie house in the, the one that only has 2 stores and is really depressing.  I was already by there because a guy gave me a wagon to ride in and I had to go get it.  Now I can park it on the sidewalk with my thumb out for hitch-hiking, and sometimes people are nice and pull the wagon for a ways.  The movie I saw there was "Happy Feet Two".  It was mostly kids, but I got to look at the moms when we were in line.  A man came over to tell me to go away but I had a ticket so he had to fuck off.  There was a snowy fish-bird (I can't remember the bird type) that danced a lot.  I felt sad because I don't have as many feet as the fish-bird so I can't dance. Fans of the Oscar winning 2006 film will find their expectations are not met in this sequel, and despite the able voice acting it is curiously out of step.

The Immortals movie
 The last movie I saw was "The Immortals", which I saw at the mexican people's theater.  I went there because I only had $4 left and they will let you in there for that much.  Some lady told the movie people that she saw me pee in a trash can outside, but I told them she was just racist and they let me go.  The movie was real good, with lots of swords and magic and stuff.  I didn't even mind that they were all talking mexican in the movie, because it was mostly fighting.  The people behind me moved because I was yelling too loud at the screen, but I didn't care.  The hyperstylized visual approach can keep the intrest of some viewers, but the lack of narrative direction quickly alienates the "over thirty" crowd.

I can get to lots better panhandling spots now that I have a wagon, so I will see more movies soon.  If you see me please give me money because I will have a baby as long as Julia stops shooting dope, and I don't want to work at the glory hole in the park bathrooms again.  See you soon, internet people!

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