Monday, November 28, 2011


Oooooh!  I wonder what the fuck it is!  It could be anything!  Holy Fuck!  So many possibilities!  What the fuck could it be?

There could be a squirrel in there..... Or a small badger.  Maybe it is not an animal at all.  Maybe it is food!  Like a big, filthy lasagna or a folded up pizza.  It could be a bucket of clams.  Mmmm Steamed Clams.  The box does seem like it could be steaming.  Other things steam too..... Like warm poop on a cold day.  I sure hope that this fucking box is not full of poop.  But it could be.  It could be full of any damn thing imaginable. 

It could have a head in it like in Se7en.  Do you remember that shit?  Brad Pitt shouting "What's in the box?!  What's in the box??!".  What if it is Brad Pitt's wife's head?  Angelina Jolie's head in a box???...  Hmmmmmm...?  Well, I guess it would be fun for a few days but then it's just another rotting head.  And if you have had one rotting head you have had them all.

There was a mystery box in one of my favorite movies.  UHF.  That box ended up being full of nothing.  That dumb bitch should have chosen the Red Snapper.  I hope this box isn't empty.  Even better, I hope this box is full of Red Snapper!  I could really go for some Red Snapper right now.  Blackened with a little creole sauce, Fucking delicious. 

What if I open the box and there is a little, naked, old man in there.  I mean, what am I supposed to do?  Do I keep him?  A tiny, little, old man like that can't survive on his own in the big city.  You need to get him some Ken doll clothes and make sure he is taking his heart medication.  What a fucking pain in the ass.  I really hope the box does not have a tiny, helpless, old man inside............... Well, I guess it would be cool if he was spry enough to battle my old He-Man figures.  Ok, now I want it to be a tiny, old man.  He could wear Skeletor's armor and shit.  Bad-ass.

It better not be a bucket of mayonnaise or a used prostate massager or a dimple-cheeked ginger orphan or a subscription to Tiger Beat or half of an egg salad sandwich or a picture of my parents fucking or a detailed, negative critique of my sexual practices or a hammer with a baby on the end of it or a porcelain replica of Roseanne Barr's swollen vagina or a Jack in the Box To-Go order (Fucking Disgusting) or my birth certificate smeared with feces or a letter from my grandmother confessing her unrelenting sexual attraction to me or Hamtackle's pubic trimmings.  I guess anything else is acceptable.

I have no idea what the fuck is inside of this motherfucking box.  Do you think that you know?  If you know what is in the motherfucking box, please Post A Comment.  We really need to get down to the bottom of this shit and quick!  What is it going to hurt?  Just take a fucking guess already!!  If you think of something good, there may be something special in it for you.  If you know what I mean..... hmmm?  Aw yeah.... That's right.....  mmmmmmm.  Slow and deep baby.




  1. I think it is Terlet's dignity along with the photo that caused it to leave him. Or else a bloody condom.

  2. I bet it is the discarded medical remains of Chaz Bono's hysterectomy/ sexchange.

  3. I think it is a puppy. Let it out of that fucking box!!