Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Getting Hungry with Dolly Peen

Dolly Peen
Hey ya'll!  It's me, your dear old friend, Dolly Peen!!  You looks like you could use a bit of fattenin up.  Well sit yourself down there and I'll make you a nice healthy bowl of oatmeal.  That'll stick to your ribs!!

I’m gonna start with five fistfuls of sugar… I’m gonna add two mouthfuls of packed light brown sugar. I’m gonna do a twenty second drizzle from a bottle of white corn syrup. I’m gonna toss in one armful of warm butter.  Now doesn't that sound utterly delicious? And I’m gonna throw in one half bucket of extra heavy whipping cream.  Now I'm gonna whip this until it is even and frothy.     What's wrong honey??  Not hungry for oatmeal?  Well let's bake you up somethin else!  You know I love to cook. *Tee Hee*

Well how about a nice salad?  Mmmmmmm!  I make a delicious, healthy salad.  First I am going to take a whole head of iceberg lettuce.  Now we wanna chop this lettuce into teeny tiny bits.  The small bits of lettuce are much more useful at sopping up this vat of fresh squeezed mayonnaise!!  My mouth is watering as I speak!  Now we want to toss the lettuce and mayonnaise together in a big bowl.  Oh but we're not done yet sugar!  Now we add sugar!  As much as you like.  Nothing makes a salad pop like a few handfuls of white cane sugar.  Now we will add our buttered croutons and butter dressing and Ta-Da! Salad A La Peen!

You can't just have a salad, you'll waste away.  Let me make you somethin special.  A secret family recipe.  Its made out of a vegetable, so you know it's healthy.  My favorite meal.... "DiaBeetes".  Now before you even start cookin those beets you need to fry up an infants weight in bacon.  Now you can go straight ahead and eat all that bacon, but don't ya'll go dumpin that grease in the toilet.  We need it for our beets!  Now cut up the beets into thin hunks.  Now dip the chunks in cream, then into whipped eggs, then into cake crumbs, now through it in the hot bacon grease.  OOOH!!  Look at it sizzle! 

Now we take it out of the fryer.  Wait for it to cool and dip it in cream and egg again.  Now wrap that in raw bacon.  Make sure to cover every inch now!  Dip the baconed beet into the cream, egg and cake crumbs and toss it back into the fryer.  Don't burn yourself now, that grease is delicious but very hot.  Once it is golden brown, we remove it from the fryer.  Now before the grease shakes off, toss the hot goodness into powdered sugar.  The searing bacon grease will melt the powdered sugar and it will make a crisp candy shell.  Isn't that clever!  Eat up now,  before it cools!  Enjoy your DiaBeetes everybody!!


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