Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Bible Belt Babble With Willard "Teabag" Chinsley Vol. 10

Greetings, fellow teabaggers. Willard "Teabag" Chinsley here with another dispatch from the sane side of political discourse. So much has happened since the last issue, and I have but a few paragraphs to explain it all. Well we start by saying goodbye to Rick Santorum and reluctantly throw our support behind *ahem*... Mitt Romney, take a look at the so called "war on women", and defend a friend of the teabaggers, Ted Nugent.

It was a disappointing day this past April 10th as we all had to say our sad goodbyes to teabagger favorite Rick Santorum. It seems Rick decided to dig that rusty hanger deep into the fertile womb of his candidacy and serve up a bloody abortion, much to the dismay of the REAL white, racist, homophobic, conservative, christian electorate. And while we are all upset that Rick didn't make the best of a bad situation and carry this campaign to term, we all understand that he needed to look out for the interests of his awkwardly large family. And with the most interesting thing to come out of the Gingrich campaign in the last couple of months being his announcement that he was recently bitten by a penguin, Bible Belt Babble is prepared to finally announce our support for Mitt Rom-not-one-of-us... Mitt Rom-mormon... let's try again... Mitt Romney (that hurts a little). So when you head off to the ballot box this November remember: he may have no personality, his political position may change depending which room he is in at the time, he may wear magic underwear, but at least he's not black. VOTE ROMNEY IN 2012!!!

The GOP has been getting a lot of grief over this "war on women" that is being manufactured by the liberal media in this country. But let's set the record straight on this one. The media claims this war is represented by purposed legislation in republican states to mandate invasive penetration ultrasounds before allowing babies to be slaughtered, calling prostitutes whores for using birth control, and destroying laws that demand women receive equal pay for unequal work. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Conservatives are not waging war on women. We are waging war on DISOBEDIENT women. God says that women are playthings for men, and their only other purpose is to birth a future generation of genetically superior of penis-bearing world leaders. And I think we can all agree that if the liberals disagree with God, then they don't even deserve to live in this country.

True to fashion, the anti-american democrats have taken aim at another true patriot, Ted "the motor city madman" Nugent. And what is the source of their misguided rage? A totally harmless comment about possibly making an attempt at assassinating Obama should he be re-elected to a second term of office. What's next? Are they going to attack him for becoming the legal guardian of a 17 year old girl for the purposes of making her his sex slave back in 1978? Or for shitting himself for thirty days straight and reporting to his draft review without bathing or chiseling the shit off his ass to appear insane so he didn't have to serve?  Come on America, if this country is a land where a borderline pedophile, gun-toting, musically-irrelevant, draft-dodging, deadbeat father of 8 can't threaten the life of our president, then I don't want to live here anymore.


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