Saturday, April 21, 2012

Your Yearbook Photo

Your Yearbook Photo
Hi, it's me, your middle school yearbook photo.  Do you like our little mullet?  Fuck yeah!  The early nineties were chock full of awesome mini-mullets.

Wasn't middle school fucking awesome?  Remember when we touched dick tips with Tony Chimmers?  What do you mean that didn't happen??  Of course it did!  I remember it like it was yesterday.  For me it pretty much was yesterday.  You shouldn't feel weird about it.  Touching dick tips isn't gay, it's just like an Eskimo rubbing noses.  It's like a middle school boy greeting.

It was when we offered to put Tony's bits and berries in our mouth, now that was a bit gay.  Now don't feel bad, there is nothing wrong with being gay.  I'm still a little confused, but I am stoked that one day we will figure it out and be full blown flaming.  I assume that now that we are an adult that we are completely out of the closet??

What do you mean we're not gay?  How old are we now?  32, 33 years old?  I totally saw us being a balls to the wall man on man-whore by that age.  What do you mean we're married to a woman??  How weird is that?  Is she secretly tucking back a dick?  No?!  A real woman?!

I don't see how we could ever be attracted to a woman.  Did we end up attending one of those "Pray the Gay Away" camps?  Did we have a bad gang bang experience with the football team when we were in college?  This is just weird.  

Come on, we can't be straight.  Remember that time we got that He-Man figure stuck up our ass and we were too terrified and embarrassed to seek medical help.  We had that thing stuck up there for almost two weeks before we were able to break the arms off it and force it out of our ass.  Do you remember that!?  We looked like a complete idiot trying to run in gym class with "Man-At-Arms" secretly crammed in our sphincter. HA HA!!

Well, it must be fun being an adult and living a lie.  What else about us did you destroy in our journey to adulthood?  Are we still eating every booger we pick out of our nose?  They are so salty and delicious.  No?  Are Pogs still super popular??  Our Pog collection must be worth so much money by now.  No??!  So what do we do for a living?  We work in an office?!!  What the fuck!?  We always dreamed of being the first post-op transsexual astronaut.  You failed at our life dude!!


1 comment:

  1. And to think I almost said "yes terlet, you can use my picture just as long as it's in good taste." Little did I know it could have been the taste of bi-curious homoeroticism felt by each other in our formative years.