Monday, July 23, 2012

Anatomical Incompatibilities

Good evening, let me introduce myself, I am .... whoa whoa whoa!  ... don't panic.  Yes, yes... calm down now, no need to scream.  What's that?.....  Well, yes.  You have been abducted and I am an alien so "Abducted by Aliens" is an apt statement.  There is no need to be upset.  I am one of those FUN aliens. 

You know, fun aliens.  I'm a handful of ET with a skoshe of Mac & Me topped off with a whole lot of Starman.  Do you know which part of Starman?  Remember in that movie when Jeff Bridges stuffed Karen Allen full of his hot alien genitals?  .... Yes!  That's right!  I'm going to fuck you.

Oh come on now.... That's just insulting.  It won't be that bad, I promise.  I will wipe your memory afterwards and everything.  This always surprises you but, this is not the first time we have done this.  I've been banging you since the 9th grade.  According to my planet's customs, you are my Booty Bitch.  Really now, there is no need to get upset.  This is happening whether you want it or not. 

Now why don't you come lay down on these fine satin sheets.  I know you like satin.  I've already taken the liberty of disrobing you and sterilizing your epidermis.  You are a filthy piggy you know that?  But that is why I like you.  You are my little piggy.  My wittle earthy piggy wiggums.

Well, that is enough foreplay, let's get to the fucking.  Now you may experience a great amount of displeasure.  We share a few anatomical incompatibilities.  You only have one outie and one innie down there.  That just does not work for me.  As you can see when I lift up my robe, I have... Again with the screaming?.... Yes, those are tentacles and teeth, nothing you haven't' had inside you before.

Now don't worry, whatever holes I make I can easily fix.  Our reconstructive surgery methods are centuries beyond yours.  You won't even be able to tell the difference.  You have not scarred yet, have you? 

Let's get this shit going before your wife and kids wake up.  I'm gonna start vomiting lubricant on your loins and you.... well, you just bite that pillow.  Did I mention that I love you?


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