Friday, January 18, 2013

What The Fuck, Jesus!?

Horus The Original "Son of God"
What the fuck, Jesus!?  Seriously, what the fuck!?  I stop paying attention to current events and this motherfucker starts coppin' my game!  ........What's that?  Where the fuck have I been these last 5000 years?  The sun is still coming up, ain't it?  ......Then shut the fuck up!

I don't know how this guy has been getting away with it for so long.  Haven't you people ever heard of me?  Do you all just listen to him and just accept his bullshit?  Why didn't anyone say "Heeeey, isn't that Horus' fucking life story?"  Motherfucking Theological Plagiarism!

Jesus "Milli Vanilli" Christ, you lying sack of shit.  I really just can't believe it......  What the fuck am I talking about?  Well, listen up fucko!

Let's see, first my birthday is on December 25th. I know, I know, shit-tons of people were born on December 25th.  Well, what about MY motherfucking Virgin birth on December 25th?  That shit sound familiar?  Ah fuck!  Do you know what my virgin mother's name was?  MERI!  Mother Meri!  HA!  What about my step-dad?  I'm glad you asked.  His name was Jo-Seph.  Oh, sure, coincidence...

Not good enough, OK.  Hmmm.  My birth was also announced by angels, witnessed by shepherds and visited by 3 Solar Deities.  Wise men, anyone? After I was born, a king named Herut tried to have my shit murdered.  Doesn't that sound like what Herod supposedly tried to do to Jesus THOUSANDS of years later?  All coincidences you say?  I call bullshit!

There are parts of Jesus' life that are unknown.  They don't know anything about him from between the ages of 12 and 30.  That wouldn't be a big deal if people didn't know that same shit about me!  What the fuck!?  We both got baptised when we were 30.  I was baptized by my homey Anup the Baptizer. Jesus got his shit bapted up by John the Baptist.  Do you know what else is weird?  Anup and John were both beheaded!  Shiiiiiit!

I had 12 disciples, he had 12 disciples.  We both fix blind people, walk on motherfucking water, have healy touchy powers and banish demons and shit.  There is so much other shit, but here is the big one.  We were both crucified next to 2 thieves and both buried in tombs.  Then guess what!  We both came back to life 3 days later our resurrections being announced by women!  I fucking know, right!? 

If somebody ain't plagiarizing my shit, then I don't know what the fuck is going on!  Maybe if people tried thinking for themselves they wouldn't have to rely on stealing someones biography to make themselves feel better about their own bullshit!  Bullshit!!  I guess I'll go back to battling Set and keeping the sun rising.  You are fucking welcome!    


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