Monday, June 11, 2012

Dilly Tinkle Dum

Dilly Tinkle Dum was a Fairy.  A wonderfully plump and happy Fairy.  Dilly Tinkle Dum had a happy life with his happy little Fairy family.  Everything was simply wonderful in Dilly Tinkle Dum’s life until he made a silly mistake.

One day Dilly Tinkle Dum finished work early at Wispy Puffs Tickle Factory.  Dilly Tickle Dum was great at making tickles.  His manager, Papa Grumblehuff was so proud of Dilly’s work, that he took him to Madame Toadstool’s Drink Garden and treated him to several large thimbles full of flower water.  Dilly Tinkle Dum does not drink flower water very often, so he was no used to its silly, intoxicating affects.  

After several hours of laughing with Papa Grumblehuff, Dilly Tinkle Dum climbed onto the back of his adorable field mouse and started to make the journey home.  Dilly knew he had to drive carefully, that flower water was making his head silly and fuzzy.  Dilly was only 2 flower patches away from his house when something terrible happened.

Dilly Tinkle Dum, his head swimming with flower water, fell asleep while riding his adorable field mouse.  The adorable field mouse, with nobody to steer it, drifted off the well used mouse trail and right into Granny Sweetcandy’s preschool playground.  

The playground has a fence made of sturdy twigs to keep the pedo-goblins from accessing the cutey pie Fairy kids.  The fence would be the Fairy kids undoing that day.  Dilly Tinkle Dum’s adorable field mouse, traveling at a dangerous speed, busted through the playground gate, collapsing it at the peak of recess.  

The tiny, fleeing Fairies were no match for the uncontrolled girth of the adorable field mouse.  Tiny angelic Fairy child after tiny angelic Fairy was ruthlessly trampled by the out of control adorable field mouse.  Fairy children rushed to the walls, fruitlessly tried to scramble up their protective fence to safety.  The ricocheting adorable field mouse bounced from wall to wall, mashing the tiny Fairies into a sweet scented, pink, sparkly paste.  At some point during the carnage, Dilly Tinkle Dum was ejected from his furry conveyance.  With his unconscious foot no longer pushing the adorable field mouse forward, it slowly coasted to a fuzzy, adorable stop.

Dilly Tinkle Dum awoke to the sounds of panic screams and inconsolable crying.  Every Fairy child from across the enchanted kingdom attended Granny Sweetcandy’s school.  The loss of life was staggering. 

Fairy parents were only capable of gathering enough magic to make in their lifetimes to make one Fairy baby each.  With all the Fairy children crushed or maimed, the Fairy population became extinct within three generations.  Drinking and driving is the reason that magic has faded from our realm.  If you drink and drive, you fucking hate magic.


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