Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Time Dean Martin Choke-Raped a Valet

Hey Cats and Crooners,

I'm here to take you on a trip, baby. To a time long ago in the magical kingdom of Las Vegas. There was this Gasser, a real Big-Leaguer, you might of heard of him, g
oes by the name of Dean, that's right baby, Dean Martin.

Dean, Frankie, Sammy and me decided to swing at the Sahara. Ceasar's was full of Harveys and Squares. We were pulling out of Ceasar's in Sammy's custom golden town car when this Original Loser steps out in front of us waving his arms like some kind of Fink. It was the Ceasar's Valet. It seems that this Punk th
inks we just ran over some Broad with Sammy's golden ride.

Sammy says "That Quin was there alr
eady. I think you'll find I didn't run over nobody. Now I recommend you scramsville before this platinum player Deano rips out your fucking throat". Frank starts laughing hysterically and Dean stares unblinking at the Valet.

The Valet says "But I just saw you run her over! She might be dead! You need to wait for the cops!"

Sammy looks at the Valet long and hard and Finally says "Deano, let's lose Charley"

Dean leaps from the passenger seat like a drunken tiger. The Square tumbles back and hits the ground hard. Deano starts squeezing the little Punk's throat and starts gri
nding his bird on the Punk. You always knew when Dean was this gassed that we were in for a 18 karat time!

Dean throttled the Punk into submission and started to undo his belt. Dean slurred "If you bite it, I am plucking out your damn eyes, capiche? The Valet blinked his acquiescence.

The next two minutes were the funniest two minutes of my life. Dean throat fucking this Valet, Sammy jumpi
ng around the two of em like some crazed hyena shouting "WOW-EE WOW WOW!", and Frank sitting in the back of the car laughing. Frank wasn't even watching, he'd seen it a hundred times before. The Fuzz arrived but they knew better than to interrupt Dean before he "Cashes Out". Quite a crowd had gathered to watch the show.

Dean sped up his thrusting and suddenly stopped. He looked straight into the punks tear filled eyes and said "You keep that, that's for you". Dean zipped up, turned toward th
e crowd and said "Somebody get this guy a Croaker, he's gonna need a lozenge, baby". The crowd erupted with applause.

We climbed back into Sammy's "Packmobile" and with the Fuzz clearing the Squares and Losers out of the road, we continued on to the Sahara for a night of cold cocktails and hot Tomatoes. Frank laughed the entire evening.

Until next time Cats and Crooners........

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