Our personal successes have been many and our political successes few, but we feel that with the masturbation populace between 95% and 99% we need only to appeal to the rational jackoff artist in each of us. So whether you are flicking the bean, or punching the clown, we have something here for almost everyone on earth!
First we share some brief testimonials from some of our faithful subscribers. Occasionally masturbation can change our lives forever, and these people decided to share their stories with us.
"When attending a PTA meeting I walked in on my son's geography teacher masturbating furiously in the restroom. We shared a laugh, and my son got straight A's!" - Gill Wesley, PAAnd finally we have a few new masturbation methods developed by the finest autoerotic artisans the world over. Enjoy the delights of the only always consensual, always disease free, always satisfying form of sexual activity in existence.
"Once I discovered the secret edge for symmetrical forearm size in competitive bodybuilding I won eleven world titles! My secret? Alternating hand masturbation techniques!" - Pal Chimple, NV
"After I overcame the shame of my body and began masturbating openly my life improved dramatically. I got promoted at work, started dating every week, and got out of four traffic tickets!" Michelle Humer, MI
See you next month! We know you will find something to occupy your time...
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