Monday, August 29, 2011

Glenda Bekk and the Blessed Hurricane

- Glenda Bekk -
Licensed Opinionomotrist
Hey Ya'll!  Sso the crazsiesst thing happened the other day.  I was talking to Durleen at the Qdoba and sshe ssaid that God iss like mad at people in the easst and iss like throwin hurricaness and earthquakess and junk at them.  It is like totally crazsy but I like, totally called it. 

Like, how many warningss do you like, think ya'll are gonna to get, or whatever, and like, how many warningss do ya'll desserve? Thiss hurricane that like totally came thorough the Easst Coasst, for anyone who’ss in the Easst Coasst and hass been lisstening to me ssay it for yearss ‘Food sstorage!’ ‘Be prepared!’  Causse like, food iss really important and Jessuss and junk. 

If ya'll like didnt get lotss of foodss ssaved up then thiss hurricane is like a blesssing or whatever. It iss like totally a blesssing. It iss God reminding ya'll, jusst like that big ole earthquake lasst week — it’ss God reminding you you’re not in control.  That he iss and God will fuck your sshit up if you like, don't pray to him or whatever. Thingss can like, totally happen. I hope ya'll can be prepared and be ssomeone who can help otherss sso when dissasster sstrikess, God forbid, ya'll are not panicking or whatever. 

I like, wass totally talking to our Heavenly Father and he ssaid that he totally created thiss beautiful earth, with like, all itss abundance, for our benefit and usse. Hiss purposse iss to provide for our needss ass we walk in faith and obediencse.  He like, totally ussed the wordss "rape the land" and junk.  He hass lovingly commanded uss to “prepare every needful thing”… sso that, sshould adverssity like, come, we can totally eat and junk and like our neighborss can eat and anybody who sshares our political and like, religiouss beliefss can totally have some of God's hurricane bounty or whatever.

Sso don't ya'll forget!  Hurricaness are God'ss way of teaching us why it'ss good to sshop in bulk and junk.  Whenever ya'll ssee a hurricane you sshould run out and ssay "Hi God!  Thankss for the friendly reminder!"  

Ssmoochess -Glenda Bekk

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